String of bad luck - close calls - how to process?

[cilla4progress]

In the past 6 months my husband almost lost his thumb sticking his hand in a dog fight. He acted instinctively to protect our niece's dog when the two males went at it. Neither dog had a scratch; my husband's thumb has mostly recovered.

On 2/24 (as war broke out in Ukraine), my husband, a former professional ski patroller, hit a tree while skiing, breaking his sternum and dislocating his neck, requiring emergency spinal fusion. He's recovering Ok.

Last week we discovered a pinhole leak in a water pipe in a wall that ruined the sheetrock. Not too extensive, but a little black mold. So that's a fun insurance claim to fight.

This morning - 1st thing - our daughter called to tell me she'd been in a rollover accident on an icy road in Montana, where she works for a nonprofit that takes vulnerable youth on outdoor adventures, including skiing, to experience the joys of nature. Miraculously, she only sustained bruises to a forearm and the top of her head. She says she didn't lose consciousness and no concussion was diagnosed. She lives alone, though, so I'm worried about something latent?

So - how to process?

My rational brain says randomness. Also, we are active, busy, engaged people, with perhaps a higher degree of risk in our lives?

My reptilian brain says "I" deserved this bad karma for my many flaws and bad thoughts through the years.

Any wisdom and experience you can share to help me understand and cope?

[PoliticAverse]

1. Randomness. n/t

[cilla4progress]

3. 😆

Of comfort.

[PoliticAverse]

5. Has anything good happened during this period of random bad things? n/t

[cilla4progress]

13. What a great question/framing

Well, we have learned a lot about our community

We are very self-reliant and have been very fortunate to avoid serious health problems (!) and other bad random life events for the most part. So, I wasn't aware how many of our longtime friends, "community," as well as family, stood ready to help and support if/when needed.

Husband's 94 yo mother is finally settling in after a period of adjustment to her "independent senior living" apartment after moving from her home. We won't tell her about our daughter's near miss; we had to heavily strategize with family telling her about my husband/her son.

Other than that, just avoiding COVID and keeping our heads down. Investing in relationships, staying healthy, e.g., negative routine diagnostics. I retired from one contract and continue to provide services to low-income clients through my own practice.

So, nothing extraordinarily great. We have always been fortunate to avoid really bad stuff (other than wildfires - one that burned down our house! That was 1994.)

More just acknowledging our good fortune in the small pleasures of life - safety, comfort, health, love. Not granted to any of us!

[SheltieLover]

2. Glad to hear everyone is ok / on the mend!

[cilla4progress]

4. Jeez...

yah..

Thanks.

[SheltieLover]

6. It sounds like you folks have had some serious challenges for sure!

[tblue37]

7. Considering how bad your daughter's accident was, and the extent of damage to your

husband's thumb, I'd say you're lucky they both are OK. Also, since the damage to your sheetrock isn't as bad as it could have been, you got lucky there, too.

So, yes, all those things are unfortunate, but they could have been much worse, and now maybe you're due for a run of good luck, just to balance things out.

(Does that help?)

[SheltieLover]

9. My thoughts exactly!

Trust me, I've had life chuck curve balls at my head.

Unfortunate incidents, but could have been much worse!

[tblue37]

10. I feel a bit like Pollyanna, though.

[SheltieLover]

12. Me too, but I also know what a cosmic pinata feels & how bad things could have been

[Anon-C]

23. +1

[cilla4progress]

18. Yes. Luck is a funny thing.

X happened and was terrible - ergo unlucky

Could have easily been worse - ergo lucky

So, is it all in the spin?

[bucolic_frolic]

8. Your risk management is being stress tested

Time for a comprehensive reassessment. Better read up on older copper pipe if that's what you have.

[cilla4progress]

14. Do tell?

House was built in 1997.

[bucolic_frolic]

20. That's not very old

It's probably a leak at a joint. But over long periods of time copper pipes can corrode if the water is acid. But even there, acid water can be protective as well if it also carries other minerals, usually iron, that coat the inside of the pipes and protect from acidity.

Supposedly copper pipes that are rarely used are more of a problem than heavily used pipes. This Old House did some vids on it.

Copper pipes can be treated for leaks. They open both ends, etch the insides with acid, then blow epoxy through the system to coat the insides.

[cilla4progress]

22. Interesting!

The hole did appear to be at a joint. We are on our own well. Sweet mineral-y water, not too hard.

[TexasBushwhacker]

11. Randomness and a lot of luck!

Perception is everything. You could look at all these incidents as "bad karma" but:

Your husband DIDN'T lose his thumb.

He survived a skiing accident that could have killed or paralyzed him.

You discovered the leak before there was extensive damage and mold.

I think worrying about your daughter is natural, but she was checked out by a doctor and if they thought there was ANY chance of a brain bleed, they would have kept her at the hospital. They don't mess around with head injuries.

Go buy a lottery ticket 😅

[cilla4progress]

15. Love it.

Thanks.

In one sense my life has been a whole string of good luck. So maybe I'm due.

[Happy Hoosier]

16. I'm with you, it's been a shitty month.

My daughter was in three car accidents in one week. Two minor, but one that might total her car. Then I had a cancer scare (all clear, thankfully). Then my furnace broke. Fairly easy fix, but $400 later…. Then I had a ruptured appendix and an emergency appendectomy. The day I got out of the hospital, my father-in—law was admitted and he passed away yesterday.

Seriously…

[cilla4progress]

19. For real, Hoosier?!

OMG! Sending you virtual 💐🌷

So glad the cancer scare was cleared up!

Hope your daughter is OK. ❤

Sorry about your father-in-law!

And yet you maintain positivity, "Happy" Hoosier?

How are you coping?

[Happy Hoosier]

37. Thanks so much!

It’s been tough, but I trying to remain positive. My daughter and her friend were uninjured. I don’t have cancer, the surgery went well. We lost my Dad-in-law, but he was 92 and lived a full life right up to week before his death. So it sucks, but it could have been much worse.

[markie]

17. NO! it is not bad Karma

Last edited Sun Mar 20, 2022, 05:54 PM - Edit history (1)

just breathe and know your rational brain knows...

same here; in the past few years I have suffered more loss than I ever thought I could bear. Parents both died, lost son to overdose/suicide, 2nd son in accident with TBI, 2 of my kids decided they don't like me, lost a business I invested all my money in, my husband died 4 months ago, I slipped on ice- broken ribs on President's Day and last Saturday a Plow truck ran a stop sign and hit me/car, totaled car and I am stuck on the sofa recovering today (instead of hiking the AT)

how to process? one day at a time, do not internalize it. Guilt never helps!!! already went through that process and have come out the other side.

[cilla4progress]

21. You are kidding, Markie!

Why do people have to go through this? Through no fault of their own! 😢

I had only recently been thinking about people being brought to their knees, and how that had never happened to me. I have had some serious struggles, but nothing so truly devastating. And now here I am - though mine are mostly close calls and tragedy averted.

I appreciate your advice, and I hope your troubles alleviate. In some ways, I've been spoiled and am privileged. I fully acknowledge that.

❤🌷💐

[7wo7rees]

24. This plus 1K times, Cilla!!

It's tough, we are all tired. I don't think Karma works negatively. I also believe you've done far more good than you might be giving yourself credit for.

Tough for me, but in all the counseling we've gone through in the last few years dealing with my mother's dementia, 2 things are most important. And difficult....
"Attitude of gratitude" and "Be here now, in the moment".

I hope that helps some.
Ms7wo7rees

[cilla4progress]

27. Nice...

Thank you!

I imagine dementia is the worst. Grateful my mother-in-law is still of sound mind. I have a friend, mid-70s, a former physician who has it, who is a shell... 😢

[Marthe48]

25. When I have a string of unhappy incidents

I think to myself that I'm getting the bad luck out of the way. You've had a lot, and I can see how so many scary events in a row can affect your outlook. Help your husband recover from his injuries, be tiresome and check on your daughter as often as makes you feel better. In other words, do what you can and you'll find perspective for the rest. And hopefully you'll win the fight with the insurance company!

I have anxiety, always waiting for the other shoe to drop. I would be happy to wrap my loved ones in blankets and keep them home. But my younger daughter has said time and again that there is risk in all that we do. While she doesn't take chances, she is living her life. I take my hat off to her and I wish I could be like her. She is fearless and I love her courage

[cilla4progress]

28. Your words are truly beautiful,

Marthe48, and inspiring.

Thank you!

[Marthe48]

36. You have many replies that are helpful

I love DU for the support so many members offer Be nice to yourself. The brain weasels won't win.

[vanlassie]

26. Tell your reptilian brain "Thank you for sharing, now fuck off."

[cilla4progress]

29. Love it!

Thanks, vanlassie.

Grateful for this community! ❤

[eppur_se_muova]

30. "we are active, busy, engaged people" ... I think that answers your question.

"Who never climbs, as rarely falls." -- John Greenleaf Whittier

If you had stayed at home and spent all day as couch potatoes, the only thing that would have gone wrong is that pipe leak. I know some people live their lives that way, but I don't know if they find it fulfilling, or even ponder how they feel. I wouldn't be tempted to try it -- being forcibly confined is no picnic; voluntarily confining yourself to avoid the outside world is surely no better.

As for being punished for bad thoughts, most of us would probably spontaneously ignite several times a day if this were actually a thing.

[cilla4progress]

31. Nice...

finding comfort.and companionship in your words!

Thank you!

[eppur_se_muova]

32. You're welcome !

There was originally a cute kitten picture to go with that quote, but I can't find it. I think the quote serves its purpose on its own, though.

[lunatica]

33. Life can be harsh when it lets you know

you’re not Super woman!

Last December I fell in my condo and couldn’t get up. I was on the floor for three days thinking that if I rested a little I would be able to get myself up. At the time the worst part was the thirst. On the third day I called our building maintenance guy and he came over and talked me into calling 911. I was in the hospital for a few days. The paramedics and nurses were incredibly nice to me, for which I am truly grateful. After I came home one of the paramedics called to see how I was doing which was very nice! He told me to call 911 immediately if I fall again. That they’ll never force me to go to a hospital and that they’ll help me get up if that’s all I need.

Now I’m in the process of evaluating my vulnerabilities and thinking about what to do about my future. I’m 73 and really should make plans so I can be independent and only semi dependent on others, or some “place for mom” thing. I don’t have any family or close friends here and I really do need to make plans and arrangements for my end of life. My fall has forced me to think about it. I only hope my recovery doesn’t make me fall back into laziness about my life and where it’s headed, cause I’m definitely headed for death, no matter what.

[cilla4progress]

34. Oh my gawd, lunatica!

That is terrifying!

So glad you are ok now!

Each story here is more horrifying.

I hope you can find a support network near you!

💐🌷

[lunatica]

35. It's interesting what the human body does to help itself survive

I developed a condition where your heart produced an enzyme that starts to break down your muscles in order to survive. Basically it means you subsist on eating your own muscles. I’ve had to rebuild muscle in the last couple of months. I went for a checkup after one month and the doctor said I was doing OK. So I feel I’m on the right track. I feel good about that.

I do have plan already in place. If I do fall again I’ll call 911 right away!

I’ve been hoping Biden has something in mind for Seniors who may need some sort of care as we get older. Maybe some social net just to check on us pretty often. Once or twice a month. I fear that I’ll die and no one will know until the smell! I also worry about my cat. When I was on the floor he kept trying to convince me he was really getting hungry! The maintenance man made sure he had plenty of food while I was gone. I’m so grateful for him!

[GoodRaisin]

38. The only way to process it is to move on. Stuff happens.

Also, as someone living with a spinal cord injury, I would say to consider yourselves extremely lucky if he is recovering okay from emergency spinal fusion. Best of luck to you.