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DFW

(54,436 posts)
Sun Apr 10, 2022, 10:17 PM Apr 2022

Magic trick: how to make forty years disappear in an instant.

April 10, 1982, Arlington, Virginia:
This beautiful woman........


...through the most impressive feat of hypnotism ever pulled off agreed to marry me
in a double wedding with my brother and his wife in what the Washington press
unofficially called "the Axis wedding," since the women were from Germany and Japan:


In the meantime, we have........
had two daughters, who now have children of their own
been to places spanning three oceans
been to dozens of countries
lost parents
beat deadly cancer
beat serious heart ailment
met with presidents and vice-presidents, senators, congresspeople and a Supreme Court Justice
met and made friends with known people as diverse as Stan Lee, Dr. Ruth, and Howard Dean, among MANY others
met and made friends with even more people no one has ever heard of or cares about
lost close friends, parents and grandparents

and........mostly.........

gone through the same stuff most people do: gotten up too early, worked too long, and gotten too little sleep.
But we've done it together. We met at age 22. We'll both be 70 this year (I already am). We married at age 30,
almost didn't find time for it if my brother hadn't invited us to be part of the double wedding.

And it all seems like it went by in less time than it takes to snap your fingers and say, "Wake Up!"

And so here we are, after a 27 hour trip, in a tropical resort up the Kohala Coast on the Big Island of Hawai'i, celebrating with our daughters, their men, their children, and my sister and her husband. My crazy younger daughter, who went to high school here for two years, is making good on her promise after I put her through college and law school. Since I blew what cash I got from my inheritance on my daughters' educations in the USA, the younger one said that if she did well in the legal profession, she would pay me back. I told her at graduation to not even entertain the notion, as I had no intention of considering such a thing. But this is a woman who, as a two year old, was already dubbed "Madame 10,000 Volts" by one of my wife's girlfriends. She made partner in one of the most important New York law firms at age 31 (their youngest ever), and already makes many multiples of what I do. Every time I try to pick up the tab for things like our air fare, our hotel, etc., I am politely told, "it has already been taken care of, sir."

Here we are, arriving less than 2 days ago, at our hotel here near Kawa'ihae:


In an hour, we leave for our 40th anniversary private luau--arranged by our daughter, of course. I regret mightily that my brother couldn't make it, but people our age have stuff they gotta do, and the timing can't be imposed, not even by siblings.

I guess if you're religious (we most definitely are not), you might say we've been blessed. As children of the sixties, we prefer to say we lucked out. My wife was a social worker, we're not blind. Some luck out. Many, maybe most, do not. But there is hope, and this little story is here to remind people, especially people much younger than we now are--if things aren't what you want them to be, they still COULD be. And if you DO get lucky, be nonetheless prepared for this--it will all be over before you know it. Forty years? Hell, I don't recall it being forty minutes.

90 replies = new reply since forum marked as read
Highlight: NoneDon't highlight anything 5 newestHighlight 5 most recent replies
Magic trick: how to make forty years disappear in an instant. (Original Post) DFW Apr 2022 OP
Happy, happy, happy anniversary. All the best to you both. Scrivener7 Apr 2022 #1
Thanks! DFW Apr 2022 #6
What wonderful photos! Thanks for sharing, and I wish you a fantastic anniversary celebration. alwaysinasnit Apr 2022 #2
Thanks! DFW Apr 2022 #40
Um...SHE hasn't aged a day. COL Mustard Apr 2022 #3
Yeah, I know, but keep it quiet DFW Apr 2022 #5
Your secret is safe with me.... COL Mustard Apr 2022 #7
That doesn't sound like too much to ask. DFW Apr 2022 #30
Don't worry, there isn't. soldierant Apr 2022 #78
I knew she was special from the second I first laid eyes on her DFW Apr 2022 #88
Happy Anniversary, Mr. and Mrs. DFW! Diamond_Dog Apr 2022 #4
Thank you for the kind words! n/t DFW Apr 2022 #41
What a fabulous story! PoindexterOglethorpe Apr 2022 #8
At least you did have those 25 years DFW Apr 2022 #42
Yes, I did have those 25 years which were mostly good. PoindexterOglethorpe Apr 2022 #84
Happy Anniversary!! 2naSalit Apr 2022 #9
Thanks! We will try. DFW Apr 2022 #43
Sounds like... 2naSalit Apr 2022 #75
Wow Clash City Rocker Apr 2022 #10
Still in progress for sure! DFW Apr 2022 #44
💕💐💕 blm Apr 2022 #11
Back to you blm! n/t DFW Apr 2022 #45
Congratulations! Bayard Apr 2022 #12
At age 110, we will be lucky to articulate anything at all! DFW Apr 2022 #46
Ya never know! Bayard Apr 2022 #82
Happy Anniversary DFW! FailureToCommunicate Apr 2022 #13
Thanks! DFW Apr 2022 #47
I wish you all the best, Ohiya Apr 2022 #14
I hope to write them! DFW Apr 2022 #48
Wow, what a loving tribite to your family. BigmanPigman Apr 2022 #15
I very much do appreciate what I have DFW Apr 2022 #49
Happy Anniversary, DFW. brer cat Apr 2022 #16
We hope a couple of decades DFW Apr 2022 #50
Lovely post. Cracklin Charlie Apr 2022 #17
When we left Germany last Friday, it was cold and rainy DFW Apr 2022 #51
A song for you, my friend UpInArms Apr 2022 #18
Wow, thanks for that song! DFW Apr 2022 #52
So nice.. great post mountain grammy Apr 2022 #19
You are so right DFW Apr 2022 #53
Awesome story. Happy anniversary -- sounds like you KPN Apr 2022 #20
It never SEEMS all that fascinating DFW Apr 2022 #54
Yes, I think you've probably had s blessed life, and I'm sure Ilsa Apr 2022 #21
We know what we've got DFW Apr 2022 #56
Safe and Happy Travels! calimary Apr 2022 #22
We're here now DFW Apr 2022 #58
They're the big black "beads" on your necklace. calimary Apr 2022 #89
Many congrats on the first 40! GeoWilliam750 Apr 2022 #23
I don't think I'll be posting many pics of at age 110 DFW Apr 2022 #60
happy anniversary Demovictory9 Apr 2022 #24
Thanks! DFW Apr 2022 #66
HAPPY ANNIVERSARY! ALOHA! elleng Apr 2022 #25
Mahalo! n/t DFW Apr 2022 #68
Happy anniversary DFW! mahina Apr 2022 #26
Mahalo! I understood about three words of that first song DFW Apr 2022 #57
Wonderful story. Hulk Apr 2022 #27
It sounds like you made it to the other side of 70 intact as well DFW Apr 2022 #65
Dear DFW, I love your love story (and feel honored that you shared it with us) -- fierywoman Apr 2022 #28
Thanks! DFW Apr 2022 #61
Happy Happy Anniversary DFW, cheers and all the best. eom LittleGirl Apr 2022 #29
Thanks, and cheers back! n/t DFW Apr 2022 #62
Frohes Jubilaeum Laurelin Apr 2022 #31
The wish is sincere Laurelin Apr 2022 #32
So, you are right behind us DFW Apr 2022 #63
I love your love stories 💕💕💕 Hekate Apr 2022 #33
Mahalo nui loa! DFW Apr 2022 #39
The happiest of anniversaries to you and your beautiful bride,, and wishing niyad Apr 2022 #34
Thanks for being along for the ride! n/t DFW Apr 2022 #64
Wonderful story of lives well lived. May you and your beautiful wife have many more years together. Fla Dem Apr 2022 #35
We intend to try, anyway! DFW Apr 2022 #69
What a beautiful love story! dlk Apr 2022 #36
Thanks! DFW Apr 2022 #70
Much happiness! Wild blueberry Apr 2022 #37
Gratefully accepted, thanks! n/t DFW Apr 2022 #71
Congratulations on ALL of it!!! BobTheSubgenius Apr 2022 #38
Congratulations Mr. and Mrs. DFW! Niagara Apr 2022 #55
We hope to be worthy of all the good wishes, thanks! n/t DFW Apr 2022 #72
You both are absolutely worthy of all the good wishes. Niagara Apr 2022 #76
You 'blew your inheritance' ? You won the lottery! speak easy Apr 2022 #59
Well, maybe not "blew" DFW Apr 2022 #73
We're all blessed you've shared this with us. Chakaconcarne Apr 2022 #67
Thanks! DFW Apr 2022 #74
Congratulations! I'm not the marrying type... Phentex Apr 2022 #77
So beautiful! Six117 Apr 2022 #79
'Axis wedding'...I love it. trof Apr 2022 #80
And the happiest of anniversaries to you as well. How will you celebrate? niyad Apr 2022 #85
Our daughter invited the whole family to a luau DFW Apr 2022 #90
Nicely done, DFW.. Permanut Apr 2022 #81
You might be on to something, there DFW Apr 2022 #86
Enjoy!!!! SallyHemmings Apr 2022 #83
Thanks! DFW Apr 2022 #87

DFW

(54,436 posts)
6. Thanks!
Sun Apr 10, 2022, 10:28 PM
Apr 2022

We still can't believe it has been 40 years, even with grandchildren staring us in the face.

DFW

(54,436 posts)
5. Yeah, I know, but keep it quiet
Sun Apr 10, 2022, 10:26 PM
Apr 2022

Just in case there really WAS something to this "master race" stuff they were touting.......

DFW

(54,436 posts)
30. That doesn't sound like too much to ask.
Mon Apr 11, 2022, 02:46 AM
Apr 2022

Last edited Mon Apr 11, 2022, 08:07 AM - Edit history (1)

OK, done deal. The next we're both in München at the same time.....

soldierant

(6,914 posts)
78. Don't worry, there isn't.
Mon Apr 11, 2022, 05:45 PM
Apr 2022

She is special (But you have always known that.)

I wish you could do a magic trick to make 40 years of Republican rule disappear, though.

DFW

(54,436 posts)
88. I knew she was special from the second I first laid eyes on her
Tue Apr 12, 2022, 01:23 PM
Apr 2022

So did a thousand other guys. Why I, of all men, lucked out, I still have no clue.

As for 40 years of disastrous, self-annihilating Republican rule, I only WISH I could make THAT disappear!!

PoindexterOglethorpe

(25,894 posts)
8. What a fabulous story!
Sun Apr 10, 2022, 10:29 PM
Apr 2022

Luck? Blessed? Who knows?

I often talk about my amazing good health, and I try to attribute it to luck, although other interpretations are possible. Mostly, I try to understand that others don't have such good health.

Likewise, others don't get to stay married to the same person for 40 years. Alas, my marriage ended after about 25 years, but my life is still good.

I am so glad you shared this with us.

PoindexterOglethorpe

(25,894 posts)
84. Yes, I did have those 25 years which were mostly good.
Mon Apr 11, 2022, 10:06 PM
Apr 2022

And I moved to New Mexico when the divorce happened, and it was the very best thing I could have done for myself.

DFW

(54,436 posts)
43. Thanks! We will try.
Mon Apr 11, 2022, 03:05 PM
Apr 2022

The first two days, we almost took it easy. That ends this afternoon. My daughter is not letting us off easy. Today, we have an afternoon-night trek up Mauna Kea for star gazing at the observatory. Later on in the week, we have night time dives to commune with the manta rays, an overnight to say hi to Madame Pele at Kilauea, and about five other things I have since forgotten. Our daughter will be back here next year for her 20th high school class reunion, but who knows when we'll find the time to come back?

2naSalit

(86,767 posts)
75. Sounds like...
Mon Apr 11, 2022, 04:44 PM
Apr 2022

Your dance card is full! All activities sound like fun. I'm sure it would be a challenge to not enjoy it!

Glad you got to go now, and right after your B-day too.

DFW

(54,436 posts)
44. Still in progress for sure!
Mon Apr 11, 2022, 03:10 PM
Apr 2022

I intend to play my winning streak at Firesign Theater's "Beat The Reaper" for as long as it lasts.

Ohiya

(2,238 posts)
14. I wish you all the best,
Sun Apr 10, 2022, 11:01 PM
Apr 2022

Take care of yourself,
I hope to be reading your posts for many more years.
Good Luck!

DFW

(54,436 posts)
48. I hope to write them!
Mon Apr 11, 2022, 03:14 PM
Apr 2022

I need to a better job of taking care of myself, but it's never too late to learn....

BigmanPigman

(51,626 posts)
15. Wow, what a loving tribite to your family.
Sun Apr 10, 2022, 11:05 PM
Apr 2022

I'm glad you appreciate what you have. You deserve each other in a good way.

DFW

(54,436 posts)
49. I very much do appreciate what I have
Mon Apr 11, 2022, 03:15 PM
Apr 2022

I'd have to be some kind of idiot not to. OK, granted, I'm an idiot, but not THAT big an idiot!

DFW

(54,436 posts)
50. We hope a couple of decades
Mon Apr 11, 2022, 03:18 PM
Apr 2022

And if not, it has been a great run up to now! It wasn't a free ride, but we're not complaining.

Cracklin Charlie

(12,904 posts)
17. Lovely post.
Sun Apr 10, 2022, 11:19 PM
Apr 2022

Congratulations on your anniversary.

I hope you got to ditch your winter gear on arrival. I’m so sick of winter, I would be tempted to just leave it there, and hope for spring when I got home. Have a wonderful trip!

DFW

(54,436 posts)
52. Wow, thanks for that song!
Mon Apr 11, 2022, 03:28 PM
Apr 2022

"Maybe we'll get forty years together/One day I'll be gone/One day you'll be gone"

Very appropriate. When she was diagnosed with a rare cancer known in Germany as "the Murderer," since it is never discovered until it is too late, we wondered if this was "it." But she turned out to be that one in ten thousand who was diagnosed early enough that it hadn't spread, and here we are six years later, and she's in better shape than I am.

mountain grammy

(26,644 posts)
19. So nice.. great post
Sun Apr 10, 2022, 11:31 PM
Apr 2022

Happy Anniversary and here’s to lucking out. although I’m sure quite a bit of hard work was involved.

KPN

(15,649 posts)
20. Awesome story. Happy anniversary -- sounds like you
Sun Apr 10, 2022, 11:34 PM
Apr 2022

are one blessed man even if you don’t believe. Seriously, you have had a fascinating life. Thanks for sharing some of it here at DU. Good to know there are people like you.

DFW

(54,436 posts)
54. It never SEEMS all that fascinating
Mon Apr 11, 2022, 03:37 PM
Apr 2022

It's easy to put together a post full of photos from the years and say, "wow, we did all THAT?"

But day to day, it's just one at a time.

As for belief, we have our beliefs, they just aren't ones that people before us have laid out in advance, expecting us to follow them. Well, maybe John Lennon, with his "I just believe in me, Yoko and me, that's reality." My wife's name isn't Yoko, obviously, but other than that, that's what we believe in.

Just call me Abou Ben Adhem.......

Ilsa

(61,697 posts)
21. Yes, I think you've probably had s blessed life, and I'm sure
Sun Apr 10, 2022, 11:46 PM
Apr 2022

you've paid it forward. Happy 40th anniversary, your ruby year, traditionally.

DFW

(54,436 posts)
56. We know what we've got
Mon Apr 11, 2022, 03:41 PM
Apr 2022

My wife could have had a job as a highly paid model. Instead, she opted to become a social worker. She has paid enough dues for both of us!

calimary

(81,441 posts)
22. Safe and Happy Travels!
Sun Apr 10, 2022, 11:59 PM
Apr 2022

Love the kukui nuts! (I THINK that's what they're called. Haven't been to Hawaii in decades.)

calimary

(81,441 posts)
89. They're the big black "beads" on your necklace.
Tue Apr 12, 2022, 09:28 PM
Apr 2022

They were everywhere when I went to Hawaii with my parents. Still love 'em!

DFW

(54,436 posts)
60. I don't think I'll be posting many pics of at age 110
Mon Apr 11, 2022, 03:49 PM
Apr 2022

At age 99, my grandfather sent out a Christmas card with a photo of himself, looking very much his age, with the caption, "Compliments of the Seasoned."

DFW

(54,436 posts)
57. Mahalo! I understood about three words of that first song
Mon Apr 11, 2022, 03:46 PM
Apr 2022

Alhoa, Lilikoi, and Kalua

I need to ask my daughter about the rest of it. After her first year in school here, she studied French as her required foreign language. They also offered Spanish and Hawaiian. They now also offer Japanese. So we were in a car in Massachusetts together when a Hawaiian song came on the radio. She immediately started translating it for us. I said I thought she had taken French and not Hawaiian. She came back with, "well, yeah, but ANYBODY understands THAT much!" She didn't even realize how funny that sounded to us ignorant haoles.

 

Hulk

(6,699 posts)
27. Wonderful story.
Mon Apr 11, 2022, 12:43 AM
Apr 2022

I just wrote a friend today, and was telling him how absolutely blessed we have been in our lives. I'm 74. Lost my first wife to a divorce, through our own faults. But have four wonderful children that I am so damned proud of, and eight grand children that are precious as can be.

I saw Vietnam from the rice paddies, and suffered through a divorce that broke my heart; but I found a new love, and I am just so damned happy and yes, "blessed". Health is good, for 74, and although the world seems to be melting and falling apart at the seams; I've been truly one lucky man, and wouldn't change much....except maybe how I let my first marriage of 28 years rot on the vine.

Good on you. You are right....many don't luck out...but we certainly did. Congratulations to you and your lovely wife and family.

DFW

(54,436 posts)
65. It sounds like you made it to the other side of 70 intact as well
Mon Apr 11, 2022, 03:54 PM
Apr 2022

Some bumps along your way, but another lucky man as well when it's all done.

fierywoman

(7,690 posts)
28. Dear DFW, I love your love story (and feel honored that you shared it with us) --
Mon Apr 11, 2022, 12:49 AM
Apr 2022

It deeply warms my heart to know that you two are out there. All best to you all!

Laurelin

(533 posts)
31. Frohes Jubilaeum
Mon Apr 11, 2022, 05:14 AM
Apr 2022

And thanks for sharing your story.

It will be 38 years for me and my German/ American husband in June. The years do go by quickly.

niyad

(113,532 posts)
34. The happiest of anniversaries to you and your beautiful bride,, and wishing
Mon Apr 11, 2022, 10:03 AM
Apr 2022

you many more. Thank you for sharing some of your special moments with us.

Fla Dem

(23,736 posts)
35. Wonderful story of lives well lived. May you and your beautiful wife have many more years together.
Mon Apr 11, 2022, 10:32 AM
Apr 2022

BobTheSubgenius

(11,564 posts)
38. Congratulations on ALL of it!!!
Mon Apr 11, 2022, 01:37 PM
Apr 2022

And you're right - you've been punching above your weight class for years!

Many more good years wished for you and your lovely bride!

Niagara

(7,649 posts)
76. You both are absolutely worthy of all the good wishes.
Mon Apr 11, 2022, 04:45 PM
Apr 2022

I never once read anything that you wrote being vindictive, rude, or disrespectful. I may not always reply to your OP's; although I love reading your OP's and I adore that you share your amazing photos with us. You are an absolute treasure on DU.



Stay blessed and here's to you both!



speak easy

(9,294 posts)
59. You 'blew your inheritance' ? You won the lottery!
Mon Apr 11, 2022, 03:48 PM
Apr 2022

Congratulations to you, your beautiful wife, and all the family.

DFW

(54,436 posts)
73. Well, maybe not "blew"
Mon Apr 11, 2022, 04:04 PM
Apr 2022

I was just too lazy to write "exhausted."

But it was better spent on them than on us, as it proved to be. The jackpot, indeed!

Phentex

(16,334 posts)
77. Congratulations! I'm not the marrying type...
Mon Apr 11, 2022, 05:07 PM
Apr 2022

And we somehow managed to celebrate our 30th anniversary this year. We had a very relaxing getaway and talked about our 10th and 20th and couldn’t believe we are at our 30th. You’re right, it seems like it went by so fast. Especially for someone who wasn’t the marrying type. 😀

You have never taken your marriage for granted and I wish you and your wife my very best anniversary wishes! Thank you for always sharing your wonderful family with us!

trof

(54,256 posts)
80. 'Axis wedding'...I love it.
Mon Apr 11, 2022, 06:41 PM
Apr 2022

Wish I could meet you both.
I'm 80 and we're celebrating our 53rd tomorrow.
Hang in there.

DFW

(54,436 posts)
90. Our daughter invited the whole family to a luau
Wed Apr 13, 2022, 12:43 AM
Apr 2022

A monstrous but healthy buffet and the predictable traditional songs and story-telling dances. The most important thing was that we were all together!

DFW

(54,436 posts)
86. You might be on to something, there
Tue Apr 12, 2022, 06:01 AM
Apr 2022

But we don’t to jinx it by making too many predictions this early into things…..

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