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Related: Culture Forums, Support ForumsMagic trick: how to make forty years disappear in an instant.
April 10, 1982, Arlington, Virginia:
This beautiful woman........
...through the most impressive feat of hypnotism ever pulled off agreed to marry me
in a double wedding with my brother and his wife in what the Washington press
unofficially called "the Axis wedding," since the women were from Germany and Japan:
In the meantime, we have........
had two daughters, who now have children of their own
been to places spanning three oceans
been to dozens of countries
lost parents
beat deadly cancer
beat serious heart ailment
met with presidents and vice-presidents, senators, congresspeople and a Supreme Court Justice
met and made friends with known people as diverse as Stan Lee, Dr. Ruth, and Howard Dean, among MANY others
met and made friends with even more people no one has ever heard of or cares about
lost close friends, parents and grandparents
and........mostly.........
gone through the same stuff most people do: gotten up too early, worked too long, and gotten too little sleep.
But we've done it together. We met at age 22. We'll both be 70 this year (I already am). We married at age 30,
almost didn't find time for it if my brother hadn't invited us to be part of the double wedding.
And it all seems like it went by in less time than it takes to snap your fingers and say, "Wake Up!"
And so here we are, after a 27 hour trip, in a tropical resort up the Kohala Coast on the Big Island of Hawai'i, celebrating with our daughters, their men, their children, and my sister and her husband. My crazy younger daughter, who went to high school here for two years, is making good on her promise after I put her through college and law school. Since I blew what cash I got from my inheritance on my daughters' educations in the USA, the younger one said that if she did well in the legal profession, she would pay me back. I told her at graduation to not even entertain the notion, as I had no intention of considering such a thing. But this is a woman who, as a two year old, was already dubbed "Madame 10,000 Volts" by one of my wife's girlfriends. She made partner in one of the most important New York law firms at age 31 (their youngest ever), and already makes many multiples of what I do. Every time I try to pick up the tab for things like our air fare, our hotel, etc., I am politely told, "it has already been taken care of, sir."
Here we are, arriving less than 2 days ago, at our hotel here near Kawa'ihae:
In an hour, we leave for our 40th anniversary private luau--arranged by our daughter, of course. I regret mightily that my brother couldn't make it, but people our age have stuff they gotta do, and the timing can't be imposed, not even by siblings.
I guess if you're religious (we most definitely are not), you might say we've been blessed. As children of the sixties, we prefer to say we lucked out. My wife was a social worker, we're not blind. Some luck out. Many, maybe most, do not. But there is hope, and this little story is here to remind people, especially people much younger than we now are--if things aren't what you want them to be, they still COULD be. And if you DO get lucky, be nonetheless prepared for this--it will all be over before you know it. Forty years? Hell, I don't recall it being forty minutes.
Scrivener7
(50,993 posts)We still can't believe it has been 40 years, even with grandchildren staring us in the face.
alwaysinasnit
(5,071 posts)DFW
(54,436 posts)It was very special
COL Mustard
(5,918 posts)I'll leave it at that!!!
Gratuliert!!!!
DFW
(54,436 posts)Just in case there really WAS something to this "master race" stuff they were touting.......
COL Mustard
(5,918 posts)All I ask in return is Hofbrãu from München!
DFW
(54,436 posts)Last edited Mon Apr 11, 2022, 08:07 AM - Edit history (1)
OK, done deal. The next we're both in München at the same time.....
soldierant
(6,914 posts)She is special (But you have always known that.)
I wish you could do a magic trick to make 40 years of Republican rule disappear, though.
DFW
(54,436 posts)So did a thousand other guys. Why I, of all men, lucked out, I still have no clue.
As for 40 years of disastrous, self-annihilating Republican rule, I only WISH I could make THAT disappear!!
Diamond_Dog
(32,047 posts)Thank you for sharing your lovely story with us.
DFW
(54,436 posts)PoindexterOglethorpe
(25,894 posts)Luck? Blessed? Who knows?
I often talk about my amazing good health, and I try to attribute it to luck, although other interpretations are possible. Mostly, I try to understand that others don't have such good health.
Likewise, others don't get to stay married to the same person for 40 years. Alas, my marriage ended after about 25 years, but my life is still good.
I am so glad you shared this with us.
DFW
(54,436 posts)And living in New Mexico I hear is pretty fine as well.
PoindexterOglethorpe
(25,894 posts)And I moved to New Mexico when the divorce happened, and it was the very best thing I could have done for myself.
2naSalit
(86,767 posts)Enjoy your stay on the islands!
DFW
(54,436 posts)The first two days, we almost took it easy. That ends this afternoon. My daughter is not letting us off easy. Today, we have an afternoon-night trek up Mauna Kea for star gazing at the observatory. Later on in the week, we have night time dives to commune with the manta rays, an overnight to say hi to Madame Pele at Kilauea, and about five other things I have since forgotten. Our daughter will be back here next year for her 20th high school class reunion, but who knows when we'll find the time to come back?
2naSalit
(86,767 posts)Your dance card is full! All activities sound like fun. I'm sure it would be a challenge to not enjoy it!
Glad you got to go now, and right after your B-day too.
Clash City Rocker
(3,398 posts)Sounds like an amazing life (in progress - hope you two get many more years). Congratulations.
DFW
(54,436 posts)I intend to play my winning streak at Firesign Theater's "Beat The Reaper" for as long as it lasts.
((DFWfamily))
DFW
(54,436 posts)Bayard
(22,128 posts)May you have 40 more.
DFW
(54,436 posts)Bayard
(22,128 posts)FailureToCommunicate
(14,020 posts)DFW
(54,436 posts)It was a special one!
Ohiya
(2,238 posts)Take care of yourself,
I hope to be reading your posts for many more years.
Good Luck!
DFW
(54,436 posts)I need to a better job of taking care of myself, but it's never too late to learn....
BigmanPigman
(51,626 posts)I'm glad you appreciate what you have. You deserve each other in a good way.
DFW
(54,436 posts)I'd have to be some kind of idiot not to. OK, granted, I'm an idiot, but not THAT big an idiot!
brer cat
(24,596 posts)I hope you have many more years together.
DFW
(54,436 posts)And if not, it has been a great run up to now! It wasn't a free ride, but we're not complaining.
Cracklin Charlie
(12,904 posts)Congratulations on your anniversary.
I hope you got to ditch your winter gear on arrival. Im so sick of winter, I would be tempted to just leave it there, and hope for spring when I got home. Have a wonderful trip!
DFW
(54,436 posts)We were SO ready for this!!!
UpInArms
(51,284 posts)DFW
(54,436 posts)"Maybe we'll get forty years together/One day I'll be gone/One day you'll be gone"
Very appropriate. When she was diagnosed with a rare cancer known in Germany as "the Murderer," since it is never discovered until it is too late, we wondered if this was "it." But she turned out to be that one in ten thousand who was diagnosed early enough that it hadn't spread, and here we are six years later, and she's in better shape than I am.
mountain grammy
(26,644 posts)Happy Anniversary and heres to lucking out. although Im sure quite a bit of hard work was involved.
DFW
(54,436 posts)It's easy to gloss over, but it was never a free ride. It never is.
KPN
(15,649 posts)are one blessed man even if you dont believe. Seriously, you have had a fascinating life. Thanks for sharing some of it here at DU. Good to know there are people like you.
DFW
(54,436 posts)It's easy to put together a post full of photos from the years and say, "wow, we did all THAT?"
But day to day, it's just one at a time.
As for belief, we have our beliefs, they just aren't ones that people before us have laid out in advance, expecting us to follow them. Well, maybe John Lennon, with his "I just believe in me, Yoko and me, that's reality." My wife's name isn't Yoko, obviously, but other than that, that's what we believe in.
Just call me Abou Ben Adhem.......
Ilsa
(61,697 posts)you've paid it forward. Happy 40th anniversary, your ruby year, traditionally.
DFW
(54,436 posts)My wife could have had a job as a highly paid model. Instead, she opted to become a social worker. She has paid enough dues for both of us!
calimary
(81,441 posts)Love the kukui nuts! (I THINK that's what they're called. Haven't been to Hawaii in decades.)
DFW
(54,436 posts)And we STILL have no idea what they are!
calimary
(81,441 posts)They were everywhere when I went to Hawaii with my parents. Still love 'em!
GeoWilliam750
(2,522 posts)And may the next 40 be filled with just as much wonder.
DFW
(54,436 posts)At age 99, my grandfather sent out a Christmas card with a photo of himself, looking very much his age, with the caption, "Compliments of the Seasoned."
Demovictory9
(32,472 posts)DFW
(54,436 posts)Always good to have friends!
elleng
(131,077 posts)mahina
(17,693 posts)Welcome to the islands! Aloha pauole.
DFW
(54,436 posts)Alhoa, Lilikoi, and Kalua
I need to ask my daughter about the rest of it. After her first year in school here, she studied French as her required foreign language. They also offered Spanish and Hawaiian. They now also offer Japanese. So we were in a car in Massachusetts together when a Hawaiian song came on the radio. She immediately started translating it for us. I said I thought she had taken French and not Hawaiian. She came back with, "well, yeah, but ANYBODY understands THAT much!" She didn't even realize how funny that sounded to us ignorant haoles.
Hulk
(6,699 posts)I just wrote a friend today, and was telling him how absolutely blessed we have been in our lives. I'm 74. Lost my first wife to a divorce, through our own faults. But have four wonderful children that I am so damned proud of, and eight grand children that are precious as can be.
I saw Vietnam from the rice paddies, and suffered through a divorce that broke my heart; but I found a new love, and I am just so damned happy and yes, "blessed". Health is good, for 74, and although the world seems to be melting and falling apart at the seams; I've been truly one lucky man, and wouldn't change much....except maybe how I let my first marriage of 28 years rot on the vine.
Good on you. You are right....many don't luck out...but we certainly did. Congratulations to you and your lovely wife and family.
DFW
(54,436 posts)Some bumps along your way, but another lucky man as well when it's all done.
fierywoman
(7,690 posts)It deeply warms my heart to know that you two are out there. All best to you all!
Still alive, still kicking (and NOT the bucket!)
LittleGirl
(8,291 posts)DFW
(54,436 posts)Laurelin
(533 posts)And thanks for sharing your story.
It will be 38 years for me and my German/ American husband in June. The years do go by quickly.
Laurelin
(533 posts)Even though I had to edit three times to fight autocorrect.
DFW
(54,436 posts)And yes, a snap of the fingers and it's the past
Hekate
(90,779 posts)Me ke aloha
Aloha nui kakou
DFW
(54,436 posts)Always appreciated, my friend!
niyad
(113,532 posts)you many more. Thank you for sharing some of your special moments with us.
DFW
(54,436 posts)Fla Dem
(23,736 posts)DFW
(54,436 posts)dlk
(11,575 posts)Congratulations on many happy years; wishing you many more!
All we can do is try......
Wild blueberry
(6,652 posts)Cheers! Thank you for sharing your love with DU, returning it multiplied!
DFW
(54,436 posts)BobTheSubgenius
(11,564 posts)And you're right - you've been punching above your weight class for years!
Many more good years wished for you and your lovely bride!
Niagara
(7,649 posts)DFW
(54,436 posts)Niagara
(7,649 posts)I never once read anything that you wrote being vindictive, rude, or disrespectful. I may not always reply to your OP's; although I love reading your OP's and I adore that you share your amazing photos with us. You are an absolute treasure on DU.
Stay blessed and here's to you both!
speak easy
(9,294 posts)Congratulations to you, your beautiful wife, and all the family.
DFW
(54,436 posts)I was just too lazy to write "exhausted."
But it was better spent on them than on us, as it proved to be. The jackpot, indeed!
Chakaconcarne
(2,460 posts)Congratulations. Happy Anniversary.
DFW
(54,436 posts)We're making it the special one we hoped it would be!
Phentex
(16,334 posts)And we somehow managed to celebrate our 30th anniversary this year. We had a very relaxing getaway and talked about our 10th and 20th and couldnt believe we are at our 30th. Youre right, it seems like it went by so fast. Especially for someone who wasnt the marrying type. 😀
You have never taken your marriage for granted and I wish you and your wife my very best anniversary wishes! Thank you for always sharing your wonderful family with us!
Six117
(205 posts)Thank you so much for taking the time to share! Heart warning, made my day!
trof
(54,256 posts)Wish I could meet you both.
I'm 80 and we're celebrating our 53rd tomorrow.
Hang in there.
niyad
(113,532 posts)DFW
(54,436 posts)A monstrous but healthy buffet and the predictable traditional songs and story-telling dances. The most important thing was that we were all together!
Permanut
(5,628 posts)If you work it right, this could turn into a long term deal.
Congratulations.
DFW
(54,436 posts)But we dont to jinx it by making too many predictions this early into things
..
SallyHemmings
(1,822 posts)DFW
(54,436 posts)At this point, were starting to get the hang of it.