So we need to move my 98 yr old mother to assisted living

[Beatlelvr]

We had her in a board &care place for 6 weeks which she hated. So we hired a full time caregiver and brought her home. Problem is we are paying under the table, and my CPA brother is afraid we will get "caught" and be on the hook for taxes and other payroll deductions we should be taking. The State of Calif has time and again determined these workers as employees, not independent contractors like our caregiver keeps saying she is. She is asking for a 1099 nec form for her taxes which we will do. She says this has sufficed in the past. We are also afraid she may fall and hurt herself and sue us for unsafe workplace. Looked into workers comp ins also.
So we are looking at a beautuful facility in Pasadena, Villa Gardens. Mom doesn't want to go of course.
At the end of my rope. Anyone dealing with this? I know alot of us have elderly parents. Thanks for reading.

[cilla4progress]

1. Hi there, yes, we are.

Husband's 94 yr old mom! Mentally still with it (some short term memory loss) but quite fragile - a couple falls, most recently in November and we moved her to independent senior living in January.

What are your questions? Happy to help.

She is sad. She knows it's her last stop, and she can't feed the birds and do other stuff she was used to. She doesnxt like that it is costing $4k/mo. Thinks it's wasteful. Still asks to go back home. Really hard. All sibs have chipped into visit, help with the move. Covid makes it harder because there are limits.

It's a lovely place and it was necessary due to her fragility. Also husband's oldest sister, 72 herself, could no longer handle all the responsibilities of her mom living on her own.

No real good answers, sadly.

Good luck!

[Beatlelvr]

5. I just feel like crap trying to force her

I know it's a great facility, she'll have her own studio with small fridge and microwave. I wouldn't mind getting a one bedroom for myself!
Lots of activities which I can't provide, being with folks her own age, looks like pretty good food choices too. I guess it's just the getting her there that worries me. I've already gone to Target for some items for her kitchenette and bathroom.
It can be quite homey and comfortable for her, I'm hoping.

[LakeArenal]

2. My dad hated the idea of assisted living.

93years old. Once there he loved it.

What can I say…. We lucked out?

When it’s my time, I’m going. Not going to fear the loss of independence and realize what is best for everyone. Not just me. I hope it is an eventuality because I want to live until 90+. If that means assisted living and not a nursing home, fine by me.

[Peregrine Took]

3. We got my (then) 90 year old SIL into a "Little Sisters of the Poor" home.

She gets wonderful, TLC there.
So lucky we found it and they took her in.
All care, meals, therapy, everything is included and she signs over her SS and pension. They are for people of modest means.
Two homes - one for independent living and one for people who need skilled care.
She's now 98, blind, 90% deaf and in a wheelchair.

[Freddie]

4. My dad hated going to assisted living

Fought us every step of the way, finally convinced him because Mom needed the care (she acknowledged this and didn’t fight it). Kept saying he was going home. And it mostly fell on me as my brother lives 3 hours away. It was horrible but I know it was the right thing to do; they weren’t eating right at home, he had some bad falls and he should have stopped driving long before he did. In assisted living they get good food and supervised medication among other things. It’s the right thing to do.

[Bayard]

6. We had to move my folks to assisted living

They're both gone now. It was a brand new, very nice facility. They had little studio apartments, with a connecting door between them. My Dad (paralyzed on his right side from a stroke), hated it, wanted to go home, died a couple months later. My Mom liked it until her Alzheimer's got so bad, she thought everybody was watching her, and started refusing to go to the cafeteria for meals, or join in the activities she initially enjoyed.

One thing that really helped her was that they let her bring her cat. They also allowed small dogs. Does your Mom have a pet?

[mnhtnbb]

7. My uncle moved into assisted living in Pasadena

after his wife died in 2010. Within months, the facility insisted he have a full time aide from 7 am to 7 pm, which at the time added about $11 grand/ month to his already $4500/ mo bill. They insisted because he was falling. Eventually his son came from Seattle and moved him up there. Didn't last long at home, and ultimately put him in a VA facility of some sort. I never understood it.

So, be sure to check for how various levels of care are determined and handled.

It may have changed ownership, but the address is 951 S Fair Oaks. This is the website https://www.morningstarseniorliving.com/communities/assisted-living-pasadena/

I visited him there several times and it was very nice.

[Beatlelvr]

8. We had looked at Morning star

And about 6 months ago thought it mght be a good fit. But now she needs more care than that. Beautiful place, though.