a cousin shows up after 50 years of no contact

[onethatcares]

along with my uncle.

they (she) wants to get together for some bullshit or other. I have nothing in common with these folks, nada, zip, zero.

Should I continue to make excuses not to see them or just ask them, what my last dogs' name was and if they can't answer that question tell them I don't want to meet up and discuss what may or may have not happened years ago?

This question has probably been asked in one form or the other here on DU over the years. I'm just too lazy to search it out.

[stopdiggin]

1. you don't need an 'excuse' for this

(and particularly after 50 years)
But if you do feel the need for 'cover' on this one (being polite is ground in deep with some of us) just plead the fact that you're on the the "very thin side" of the social spectrum as an individual - and these types of interaction tend to make you anxious and uncomfortable. And as such you would just as soon not.

Some that are particularly callous and tone deaf might persist - but you have now placed the onus on them, as being insensitive, and only interested in their own desires.

[Pobeka]

2. I'd just tell them I'm too busy.

If they keep pushing to meet up that tells you they aren't able to understand nuance.

Then you have a bit more information that maybe you'd enjoy meeting up or not.

Some people feel some sort of obligation to blood relatives. I don't. I'd rather hang out with folks I genuinely like, blood related doesn't enter the equation.

[onethatcares]

3. I'm on that end of the spectrum

don't want to hang out with anyone I don't really know, especially blood relatives. They might have gotten a clue 50 odd years ago when I moved away from their neck of the woods and never contacted them.

Wife has the "but what if" gene. I have the "f... them gene" this is going to get interesting.

As background, they are staying at a hotel on the beach, she's on a work thing, he's on the beach enjoying the water. It's too f...ing hot to be on the beach this time of the day, don't need to expose myself to the rays.

[griffi94]

4. I have f... them gene as well.

When I have to deal with situations like this (which is seldom) I mostly ignore them.
Or, if you need a "fig-leaf" of politeness, just drag it out until they leave and later claim
that you meant to call back but you were just slammed.

[Iggo]

5. Meet 'em for coffee. Reminisce about when you were kids. Wish 'em luck. And wave bye-bye.

I’ve done it. (Usually after funerals, back when I was still invited to funerals…lol.

[Aristus]

6. I grew up in the South, and my mother was always schlepping us off to meet with

cousins and in-laws and outlaws that I didn't know and wasn't interested in meeting. My maternal grandmother was the youngest of ten children, and my maternal grandfather was the second-youngest of fifteen. So we had relatives numbering in the hundreds all over the South. I can remember being dragged to a tiny hill village in Alabama to a house where a group of old people were huddled around a potbellied stove. No idea who they were, and didn't care. But Mom said we were related, and had a duty to meet with them.

I think 'family duty' has its limits, and you shouldn't be forced to socialize with people you don't know.

[csziggy]

10. Yes, I have cousins I haven't seen in fifty years

And I have no plans to ever see them again.

A cousin on the other side of my family died last week. I'd seen him once thirty years ago. Before that, it had been twenty years since I'd seen him. Now we (my sister and I) are worried about trying to locate his Canadian cousins who apparently he had not been in contact with for fifty years. He left no will so technically they should have a say in his estate. I may have met some of them sixty years ago but never had any contact since.

[gratuitous]

7. I side with the "meet them for coffee" option

It sounds to me like you suspect they have some ulterior motive for asking to meet with you. If it's suitably nefarious, then don't meet with them; not worth your time. But if this is some "out of the blue" request, maybe it's something good. Standing them the price of a coffee (provided it's not a financial hardship) doesn't seem too onerous.

[onethatcares]

8. done........

stopped by their hotel and beach. Said "Hi. Can only stop for a few minutes then I am invited to the Lightning game and have to be at the pickup point at 230. Great to see you both, next time you're going to be here let me know in advance so I can make up an excuse not to be here".

Laughed a bit and after 30 minutes, left.

Now another almost 50 years can go by without seeing them. Made my wife feel better than just blowing them off too. Win for me!

[Skittles]

9. you handled it right

there's really no excuses for advance notice - I mean, come on

[UTUSN]

11. At the most generous level, we reach out at stages of life/age - mileage varies

[hunter]

12. Why not? If only to reaffirm why you've had no contact...

One of my dad's cousins once contacted me on the internet, a few years after the internet was opened to everyone. It was interesting at first.

I also got a good feeling for why he and my grandfather had been estranged.

Unfortunately the guy had more mental health issues than I do and he started to make me uncomfortable so I cut him off. I later felt bad about that, especially when I learned he'd passed away. He probably knew more of that family history than my dad did.

My grandfather ran away from home at sixteen. He didn't want any part of his family's crazy so he built his own crazy from the ground up.

There's some kind of autism that runs in our family. Every once in a while it manifests itself as genius, throwing up scientists, engineers, and physicians, but mostly it just brings chaos and dysfunction.

[zanana1]

13. I'm 70 and I love getting together with cousins.

When you get to be my age, you want to be around all the familty you have left.

[womanofthehills]

14. Many of us have cousins we haven't seen in yrs

We usually didn’t contact them either. Be nice - visit - it could be fun and interesting. From an uncle I had not seen in over 50 yrs, I recently learned that a grandmother who died before I was born was from Czechoslovakia. From pics, I look like her and it’s something no one else ever told me.