thoughts from a sad mom on md.

[mopinko]

Last edited Sun May 8, 2022, 07:07 PM - Edit history (2)

i'm one of those moms who is included in the wishes of the day from those who realize that for many of us, it's not a happy day. the messages are usually general, tho, because for those that havent worn the shoes, it's hard to know what to say.

so, here's a tip- dont say happy. we are not happy. the only ones we want to hear those words from are our kids. some are gone, some are broken, some are righteously angry.
happy is not one of the available options.
for those of us w a helping of blame and/or guilt on top, well, just dont be surprised if you get bit.

if you know someone, and dont know what to say, try-
how ya doin today?
you okay?
do you need want to go have a drink?
do you want me to being wine?
do you have any chocolate in the house?
go ahead and cry, honey, i'm here.

feel free to add your own.

and please no sorrys for me. that's not my point.


eta this addendum. i also posted it on fb, and this happened-

addendum- another sad mom reached out to me, and we think next year we should form a sad moms club, and get together and get drunk. yes?

[delisen]

1. Thank you. nt

[KarenS]

2. yes, yes indeed.

a round of hugs,,,,

[Nictuku]

3. And then there are those of us who don't have kids

never gave a grandchild to her mother
never will have a kid to care for me when I get old (like I care for my mother)

Mother's day is not easy for me either. I hide it from my mom, and I do everything I can to make her day a good one.

Inside, I'm crying.

[malaise]

4. I hear you

[Coventina]

5. Mother's Day used to be completely unbearable for me.

As my only child died.

I've gotten to the point where I no longer have to be away from civilization for the day.

But it was pretty rough going for a while.

[3catwoman3]

8. You have spoken of this before, usually briefly.

Last edited Mon May 9, 2022, 06:24 PM - Edit history (1)

I think of it every time I see your screen name. I'm so very sorry.

I was one of two kids. My younger brother died way back in 1978, at only 23, in a scuba diving adventure that went awry. I asked my mom many years later what she said when people asked her if she had any children. She said, "I say, 'I have a daughter. I had a son.' "

Here's a cyber hug from me to you -

[Coventina]

9. Thank you so much!!!

It really means a lot!



I'm so sorry to hear of your brother. What a wrenching loss for your family, and your mom.
I've read that losing a child one of the worst losses to endure, because it goes against the natural order of things.
I hope that is true, because I never want to experience that kind of pain again.

Here's a cyber hug back to you -

[tanyev]

6. The thing that bugs me is how pervasive it has become.

People want to do something for or with their moms on Mother’s Day? Great, have a wonderful time. But why are people who are not part of that relationship jumping on the bandwagon?

I’m child free by choice. Several years ago we went to our regular church on Mother’s Day and they were handing out flowers to all the mothers. Being a woman of a certain age, the person handing out flowers automatically started to hand me one. I said breezily, “Oh no, I’m not a mother.” That triggered the sympathy response and they became more emphatic about handing me a flower. Not wanting to cause a scene, I accepted my consolation flower and then stewed about it through the service. We decided to avoid church services on Mother’s Day after that.

[Upthevibe]

7. mopinko.... I am right there with you...

I'm too tired to go into details but my experience at being a mother has been the most painful occurrence of my entire life.

My best friend's 17 year old son, their only child, took his life on Jan. 2, 2021. I was able to offer guidance on some ways to help them get through the day (even though our experiences are different: my child is an adult who's alive but has bi-polar disorder and has had many, many issues for almost his entire life).

I very much appreciate your post...