Do you ever think back on all of the strange shit that has happened to you in your life?
Either that, or reflect on some minor thing that you did a long time ago that still makes you cringe and get embarrassed?
I have two stories that I am thinking about today that you may or may not find entertaining. All of this stuff happened when I was a kid.
1) One night, I was really hungry. It was kind of past my bedtime, and I had not had much to eat that day. This was before my dad passed away, so I was probably 9 or 10 years old. My parents were either sleeping, or busy with something in another part of the house.
I went to the refrigerator, and there wasn't much in there. But there was some cream cheese. And a jar of jelly. And we had some white bread. So I got the idea to make a cream cheese and jelly sandwich. I had never heard of such a thing, but I decided to make that sandwich. I took a bite of the sandwich, and it was like I went to food heaven. I couldn't believe my luck. It was the best thing I ever tasted. The gates of food heaven had opened up for just me, and Food Jesus was standing there, beckoning me to come inside. I felt like I had struck gold or something.
I ate the sandwich, went to our rotary dial phone, and called my friend. His father answered the phone. I said IS JOHN THERE? His father said "well, he's sleeping Lucky". PLEASE WAKE HIM UP, IT'S URGENT! So John's father went and got him, and John came to the the phone and sleepily said "hello"? JOHN DO YOU HAVE ANY CREAM CHEESE? What? GO SEE IF YOU HAVE ANY CREAM CHEESE AND JELLY AND MAKE A CREAM CHEESE AND JELLY SANDWICH!!! YOU WON'T BELIEVE IT!!!! THEY'RE DELICIOUS!!! TRUST ME, IT'S GOING TO BE YOUR FAVORITE FOOD. John hung up on me.
2) I lived in an urban area where the houses were close together. My side yard was only a strip of grass about 8 feet wide, and right next to my side yard was our neighbors driveway. I went out in the side yard one day, and there was a dead pigeon laying in my neighbors driveway. I got upset when I saw it. I approached it slowly to look at it. It was covered with those little brown ants. I started crying because I felt bad for the pigeon.
I went and got a shovel and dug a shallow hole in my side yard, scooped the pigeon up with the shovel, put him in the hole, and buried him.
There was this psychopath kid that lived across the street from me, and I noticed that he was standing on his front porch, watching me. The kid was a year or two older than me.
I buried the pigeon, and put a small flat rock there to mark the grave. I also made a little cross out of some twigs, and stuck it in the ground, near the rock.
When I went back into the house, I heard something outside. I looked out the kitchen window, and the psycho across the street was at the bird's grave, digging it up with his bare hands. I yelled out the window LEAVE THE BIRD ALONE! He yelled back at me I CAN FIX HIM. I'M A BIRD DOCTOR.
I ran back outside, and by the time I got there, he was standing there holding the dead pigeon, cupping it in both of his hands. I started screaming DROP THE BIRD! DROP THE BIRD! Then I started punching him in the forearms. He dropped the pigeon and we got in a terrible, bloody fight. As we both were standing there looking at each other, our noses and mouths bleeding, both of us breathing heavily, he picked up the bird and threw it as hard as he could at me. It smacked me right in the teeth. Then he ran home. I buried the pigeon again.
Happy 4th of July to you all. And in case I forget to wish you this in a few months, I tell you now. Merry December 25th.
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It happens to the best of us. There is not a person alive who has not done something they regret. We're only human, after all. 
I've done way too much dangerous stuff to have emerged unscathed by any rights, and yet I pretty much have.
And I don't even wanna get into how much embarrassing shit I've done over my life 
I've got at least a decade on you and I don't have anything I would add to your statement other than,
"...and I don't want to talk about it."
I come across as an upstanding citizen and perhaps a little buttoned up. Oh if people only knew half the shit I've done and gotten away with. 
did name you LuckyCharms. And here I thought that it was just your DU handle!
Happy 4th of July to you too, LC. Light one up today (a firework or a blunt, your choice).
but I'll get the munchies and spend the whole day eating garbage food. So I think I'll just plant some flowers instead.
topped with jalapeno jelly, served with corn chips for dipping. 
But since I moved to Washington State, I can't find jalapeno jelly. Bummer.