any accountants here?

[mopinko]

i have a question about professional standards.
so, i have a friend who is a midwife, and her hubs is an accountant. 1 kid, should have few money problems. but apparently have no liquid assets for emergencies. a year ago i loaned her some money, because her autistic son was headed back to in person school, and his sensory tent had lost it's zipper and he needed a new one. i'd be paid back w/in 2 mos.
up until about a month ago, i'd seen nothing. i wasnt worried, and assured her i was fine, didnt need it atm.
about 6 mos after, she came to me and said her hubs had been gambling online, and spent all their savings. the last time he was embezzling from his fam, it was for hookers. he's apparently also on the spectrum.
well, now i do. i let her know i needed it. after waiting, bugging her, and getting a quarter of it back, i msg'd the hubs on fb, saying i needed him to set up a payment plan. didnt answer my msg, but she came over and said- i cant believe you msg's him. iow- he chewed her out.

i've given her 30 days, or i go to small claims.
here's the ??? i dont know what pro org he is registered w, but is this a valid thing to complain to said board? seems like an accountant who cant pay his bills is a problem.
frr, i suspect trying to sabotage the friendship.

[OnDoutside]

1. The question is how strong is your friendship ?

I suspect if you go that route, that'll be the end of the friendship. I sense your friend is in that cycle where she believes she can turn him around. All she's doing is enabling an addictive person and if she won't stand up to him, he'll bring them all down. I've seen a good friend of mine in that situation. Gambling is the silent killer.

[mopinko]

2. well, tbh

she's a newish friend, couple years. she's had a lot of bad shit in her life, and has issues. she has told me many stories, which are now starting to not add up. i have a complicated life, and always looking for something or someone to help me get something done. she's told me several times that she knows someone and it either never happens or it happens and it's a disaster.
so i cant say she's a valued friend.

[OnDoutside]

8. I think that you probably did well getting a quarter of it back.

The reality is that you loaned her the money, not him, so I'm not sure where you can go with this apart from putting it down to experience unfortunately.

[mopinko]

4. in the future, i will be fine.

i'm in a temporary tight spot. i have empty rentals that i have put a lot of money into. i will be selling one of them and buying another, so i can catch up then.
but my savings are all but gone. it's been horrible trying to find help.

the house will go on the market on 9/1 or thereabouts and should sell w/in a week. hot market and a cute house.
i'm not writing anything off w/o a fight.

i have enough to take to small claims.

[multigraincracker]

6. I've learned the hard way. Lending $ is hard on relationships.

When a friend ask to "borrow" money, lets say $1,000, I tell them I can't afford that right now, but I will give you $100 and you don't have to pay it back. I feel better about it and they have to look at it as not saying no.
The other way I do personal loans is to say, sure but I have to have some collateral to hold until I get paid back, just in case you pass away or I need the money for an emergency. They always look elsewhere when I say that. Gold jewelry or anything they hold very dear is what I mention.

[RipVanWinkle]

7. I am a retired accountant.

Unless you have a written (and signed by all parties) promissory note in which they acknowledge that they borrowed the money and that they promise to pay the money back by a certain date, you basically have no legal ground to get the money back. I would not count on the state board of accounting in your state to get involved, but, you can try. Again, if you don't have the promissory note in writing, there is probably little, if nothing, the board can do.

I had a similar situation about 20 years ago with a neighbor. The neighbor and I lived two doors away from each other. We were good friends.

One day, he asked me if I could lend him $200. I can't remember what he needed the money for. I thought it over and asked other friends for advice. I decided not to lend him the money, because, the money would more than likely not be paid back, and I would have to consider it a gift. This was a gift I didn't want to give.

Moral of the story: remember Shakespeare's line "neither a borrower nor a lender be."

[mopinko]

10. from what i understand about small claims

is that this is just what it's made for. i have a cancelled check, and many texts/msgs regarding repayment.
i rarely lend money, but this was for a special kid in a tight spot. i guess it should have been a clue that they werent a good risk that they didnt have reserves available.

but this is not a question about how to get my money back. my question is- is this something that is a black mark on a person in the profession, and can i file a complaint?
guy will only work for non-profits. says is about principle, but now i wonder.
if he'd embezzle family savings, and btw completely hides the money from his wife, is this recognized as a red flag at work?
that's all i want to know.

[ALBliberal]

9. CPA here. Deduct the balance owed as a "non business bad debt"

On your tax return. It will be deductible as a short term capital loss. At least you will see a reduction in your taxes.

[mopinko]

11. not the question-

is this something that is considered a black mark on his pro record?
i would think stealing family funds for hooker and online poker is not something the ptb like to see. ditto welching on a small debt that should have been easily retired in a year.

[ALBliberal]

12. Geez tried to give you free advice from someone

That has prepared taxes for over 30 years to lessen the sting of them not paying you back by reducing your tax bill (bigger refund).

Forget the advice that could save you upwards of 75O if they owe you 3000.

Carry on. I’m sure you’re well aware of the deduction I mentioned.

[mopinko]

13. that is still not my question.

it's- is this a matter that aipca would care about.

[ALBliberal]

14. Is this person a CPA?

You did not say

[mopinko]

15. yes

[LuckyCharms]

16. AICPA has a professional code of conduct, but this was a personal transaction

between you and his wife.

[mopinko]

17. so they dont consider any kind of personal behavior?

[LuckyCharms]

18. I imagine they would depending on the seriousness of an offense,

but there is no legal claim against him. He's a third party. You loaned the money to his wife.

[mopinko]

19. he doesnt let her have her own money.

and i sort of assume that if he's addicted and draining his families accounts, maybe someone should check the books at his job.

[LuckyCharms]

20. I understand, but if you go after his license...

you're opening up a can of worms because you would be asking the AICPA to delve into his personal finances for something that he hasn't been prosecuted for in a court of law.

It would be like my wife going out, getting drunk, doing immoral things, and then someone trying to hurt my career because of what she did.

I'm trying to give you my best advice here...I would go after the woman in small claims court, and leave the husband out of it.

Also, you may not be getting the true or full story from the wife.

Edit to add: The person who wronged you was his wife. The reasons she wronged you are between her and her husband. if those reasons are even true.

[mopinko]

21. yeah, i suspect a lot of things she says.

but they're married. they both owe the debt.

[LuckyCharms]

22. Do you have a signed promissory note that the husband signed as well?

[LuckyCharms]

23. I'm thinking you would have to live in a community property state

before you even begin to think about going after him in court:

Arizona
California
Idaho
Louisiana
Nevada
New Mexico
Texas
Washington
Wisconsin

But as far as going after his license? Personally, I'd leave that alone. Too many unintended consequences.

[mopinko]

24. illinois is one.

and yeah, i'm just looking for a threat, cuz we're about there.
and no note, cancelled check and a lot of texts about repayment. likely fly in small claims here.

[LuckyCharms]

25. Then I would take her to small claims, win the judgement...

and let her worry about how she is going to pay it.

[mopinko]

26. only trouble is i need it NOW and she knows it.

by this time next mo, i will have sold a paid for house...

[LuckyCharms]

27. that's a tough one...

Small claims takes a few months from start to finish.

I'm sorry you're going through this.

I loaned a friend about $5,000 once, but I made him sign a note, and I took his boat as collateral. He paid me back as promised.

I've also loaned money to friends that was never paid back to me.

I wish I had better advice for you, but it sound like the only way you will get this money back through small claims.

To be honest, I think she's bullshitting you.

[mopinko]

28. she has a lot of mental issues, and

i'm thinking she's borderline. she's either the catastrophe magnet of the universe or she tells a lot tales. classic borderline. usually they're trying to get someone in trouble, but sympathy works, too.

[mopinko]

29. she also knows that part of my money stress is supporting

my adult son w mental health issues w the same root as hers....