I am at high stress level and need to vent, thanks for listening!

[seaglass]

My son is getting married this weekend and I am extremely stressed. I hope this doesn't sound too trivial.

I love my son and his future wife but they have not been very communicative about the wedding. My son told me that he was inviting the same friends and family that my daughter invited to her wedding 2 years ago, so that seemed mostly fine.

This past weekend my future DIL texted me to ask if my husband and I wanted to be seated with her parents or my family. I chose my family which I think should be ok - my husband agreed.

I asked my future DIL if she needed help with the seating arrangements for our friends and family as I knew she didn't know the dynamics and my son was away at a bachelor party. She agreed, I gave her the seating and the only issue was a table of 6 that could not be split up that needed 2-4 more people to fill the table. I suggested she check if my son had friends that could sit with them as these are hockey/baseball friends that are known to my son's friends since middle school.

Well I found out 2 days ago that not only did they not find 2-4 people to fill out the table, they moved the 2 person couple to a table of 6-8 people they don't know in addition to changing the other seating we agreed on. Not happy. When I asked my son if I could move the 2 person couple to our table, he said no changes can be made.

I have been at weddings when my husband was a groomsman and seated at tables where I didn't know anyone and it's not fun. Yes, I can be shy and am not a big talker so I know that is on me but I don't want it to be awkward for any of our guests.

Anyway - is this trivial? I feel like I don't have good perspective any longer. Both my husband and I are feeling disrespected (about this and a few other things) and I really want to feel joy at my son and future wife's wedding because I am happy for them but right now all I have is knots in my stomach.

[Croney]

1. It's not trivial at all, but the wedding is this weekend.

Things are so far along the critical path that it's time to think about how you can contribute to the success of the wedding. I've sat at tables where I knew only a couple of people, and I just smiled and nodded, ate the food, walked around greeting people, and danced.

When I was the mother of the bride, I overheard the father of the groom complaining at the bar, about everything from seating arrangements to the food and especially the expense of the wedding (which he didn't pay for).

I hope things go great, and best wishes to the couple and to you!

[seaglass]

6. Thank you, this makes me feel calmer. Yeah, my son and future DIL

have no idea what our feelings are about anything that has occurred, nor will they.

[Boxerfan]

2. Count your blessings & enjoy the day.

I'm sure everyone involved is a bit frazzled.

Planning is great but rarely do plans work out exactly. I'd wager they just wanted to be done with that task.

Take the opportunity to engage new people.

[padfun]

3. I'm the person who always gets seated with strangers

Because I am usually a bit of an outcast.

And it doesn't bother me at all. I have has some great conversations with many of those strangers.
Some of us are just fine with this kind of arrangement.

[seaglass]

10. Good to hear! n/t

[CentralMass]

4. I don't mean to sound flippant or dismissive but relax and enjoy the wedding.

Purge the negative thoughts.

[seaglass]

9. Yes, I guess I am purging them here where no one knows me :-) n/t

[CentralMass]

13. In my younger years when I was invited to more wedding I seemed to end at up st the table that the

photographer was sitting at. We always seemed to have a great time at "that" table. On the other hand I was best man a couple of times too. The planning for my own wedding spun out of control. My mother-in-law to be any my finance went off the rails and our guest list doubled. I just pulled out the planning at that point. The negative energy of fighting it wasn't worth it. In the end it was a great wedding and I have nothing but positive memories from it, except maybe the bil , and I don't particulary enjoy weddings. In the end everyone is there to clebrate with the bride and groom. It's their day/night.

[samnsara]

5. be a good mother of the groom and circulate amongst those you know to see if they

..need anything etc. It wont be you they talk about when the guests go home. If DIL effs it up its her mess to fix. Just enjoy the wedding..maybe bring a small bag of popcorn and Congrats to your son...

[Emile]

7. Keep your feelings to yourself is my advice.

Losing a son is hard.

[seaglass]

8. I have and will. n/t

[flor-de-jasmim]

11. Breathe...

I feel your frustration. I have attended parties where I was put at a table where I not only didn't know anyone, but didn't speak the same language!! I am also very shy and have to make a real effort.

In this case, as mother of the groom, you are a vital member of the family, and no one should be surprised if you decide, once the main portion of the meal has been served, to get up and wander around the tables, thanking people for participating in the festivities. You can get a feel for each group and spend some time with the shy ones.

[Scrivener7]

12. I am sure I am in the minority with this position, but weddings are, by

definition, awful. They're supposed to be these beautiful and love-affirming things. They're really just stressful, insanely expensive parties with A LOT of senseless rules.

I second many of the people in this thread. Forget it all, enjoy the food, dance as much as you want, talk to the ones you know who might feel awkward, and otherwise just accept that what will be will be.

Also, remember that feeling awkward is the worst that will happen to these guests you are worried about. Unless the chandelier falls or something.

[Nay]

14. Ahhhh, relax. It's not your circus, not your monkeys. Be cheerful, tell son and DIL

that everything was lovely, that meeting all the folks was delightful, and be the circulating mom who makes everyone feel noticed and welcome. It's only one day. Don't marinate in such thoughts. And, really, other adults who might feel uncomfortable for a few hours are big boys and girls and can take care of themselves.

[seaglass]

15. Thanks everyone for your input, this really helped. I'm just not going to worry about it,

I'll spend time with our friends (and they really aren't shy so I'm sure they'll make the most of it) and hopefully have a fun day.

My son and future DIL are very excited and so am I.

[highplainsdem]

17. Kudos for a great response to very good advice!

[Phoenix61]

16. I've never been to a bad wedding.

I’ve been at one where I had to sew the bride into her wedding dress because the zipper broke. She didn’t find out until she tried to get out of it. I’ve been to one where we used church tapers for the unity candle because it went missing. But at every wedding I’ve been to the bride and groom were married in front of their friends and family and that was really the point after all.