The DU Lounge
Related: Culture Forums, Support ForumsMy brother was found dead yesterday
I was out of town, and just about to jump in the car to begin a long drive home, when I got the call.
He was 74 and lived alone, and he'd apparently had been dead at least several days. His ex found him while on the phone with me, asking if I'd heard from him.
I'd talked to him about two weeks prior, but I should have known something was up when he didn't call on my birthday. The alarm just didn't ring...
Not much of the family left now, parents long gone, both brothers gone. Just some elderly 1st cousins and a few nieces and nephews.
I keep having the feeling that I should call him and tell him about this, 'cause that's what I do when someone in the family dies...

regnaD kciN
(27,189 posts)
IrishAfricanAmerican
(4,275 posts)Man, that's a tough way to find out.
hlthe2b
(110,705 posts)I think the message for the rest of us may be to call those for whom this scenario may resonate--this weekend without fail. I can assure you that I will. May your brother be at peace and may you soon be able to remember first only the good memories.
MuseRider
(34,831 posts)I am sorry. I hope you got home or are getting there safely.
Maraya1969
(23,306 posts)family left. That is my situation also. No one prepares us for this.
My prayers are with you.
underpants
(191,552 posts)Very sorry for your loss
JudyM
(29,542 posts)Such a very sad shock.
Wishing you comfort as you deal with this great loss.
livetohike
(23,542 posts)hold and the stories you tell always comfort you .
onetexan
(13,913 posts)

a kennedy
(33,965 posts)And so sorry to even mention this, but they were both my favorites of six of us. Just always makes me sad when I read siblings die. ♥️.
Stuart G
(38,726 posts)choie
(5,848 posts)KT2000
(21,619 posts)As my family is dwindling too, I feel for you.
thecrow
(5,521 posts)Losing a family member is harder when you dont get to say goodbye.
My deepest condolences to you and your remaining family.
Getting older really sucks a lot.
💔
2naSalit
(97,351 posts)Having lost two siblings already, I can say it's a tough transition.
Response to 2naSalit (Reply #14)
MLAA This message was self-deleted by its author.
MLAA
(19,357 posts)LoisB
(11,114 posts)Tanuki
(15,939 posts)I can relate to the momentary impulse to call someone, only to realize abruptly that it is no longer possible. Be gentle with yourself at this difficult time.
Ocelot II
(126,102 posts)
irisblue
(35,466 posts)essaynnc
(927 posts)I'm not sure what I'll do if siblings die. its gotta be a tough one.
geardaddy
(25,392 posts)

zbird
(1,604 posts)

Warpy
(113,703 posts)and don't beat yourself up that the penny didn't drop on your birthday, likely there was nothing you could have done by then.
It's tough to look around and realize you're "it," there's nobody else left.
diehardblue
(11,111 posts)MontanaMama
(24,505 posts)As someone who only has one family member left, I think I know a little of what this feels like. Be kind to yourself during what I know are difficult days.
The Third Doctor
(440 posts)SimplyHadEnough
(82 posts)Picaro
(2,114 posts)SheltieLover
(71,871 posts)
OldBaldy1701E
(8,420 posts)Please accept my condolences, empty though they may sound.
WestMichRad
(2,404 posts)Ive lost both my brothers, so I feel you pain. Hope you can find someone to provide comfort.
FalloutShelter
(13,594 posts)You have my deepest sympathy.
Joinfortmill
(18,607 posts)spooky3
(37,656 posts)Evolve Dammit
(21,031 posts)
sprinkleeninow
(21,292 posts)🕯
nuxvomica
(13,473 posts)I still come across things where I think, "I should call Mom and tell her about this." But my mother passed away in 2018.
CanonRay
(15,438 posts)Blue_playwright
(1,602 posts)Im so sorry for your loss. Its never easy.
NoSheep
(8,300 posts)
onecaliberal
(36,594 posts)

bluboid
(805 posts)time is the healer. take care of yourself.
Phoenix61
(18,484 posts)sinkingfeeling
(55,947 posts)CJW
(120 posts)Sorry
Ilsa
(63,046 posts)him to be found. That feeling when you almost pick up the phone to call is a like walking into a break wall. Hugs to you.
Bettie
(18,593 posts)I wish you peace.
DownriverDem
(6,866 posts)So sorry for your loss.
Pinback
(13,325 posts)So I know something of what you must be going through. This is a tough one. Sorry to hear of your loss.
Scrivener7
(56,502 posts)plcdude
(5,330 posts)So sorry
TigressDem
(5,126 posts)We kind of have our people that are older under "watch" as it were.
MIL and FIL are at assisted living and get checked on multiple times daily and FIL sister has my niece staying with her or my sister because she broke her femur and didn't want to go to transition care.
But we've still had close calls where we weren't sure what was going on.
berniesandersmittens
(12,202 posts)
Lucinda
(31,170 posts)
Meowmee
(9,212 posts)That is terrible... rip to your brother
I have had two great losses also in a few months, first my father and then last week my neighbor and close friend of 94.
GreenWave
(11,110 posts)tavernier
(13,815 posts)
I always wished for a brother. Treasure your memories.
Lonestarblue
(12,817 posts)Marthe48
(21,293 posts)And a sad way to find out.
Nululu
(1,097 posts)Response to CanonRay (Original post)
rebe303 This message was self-deleted by its author.
rebe303
(146 posts)My condolences for you and others close to him.
Grumpy Old Guy
(3,958 posts)brer cat
(27,028 posts)That must have been a terrible shock. To have lost your parents and siblings must leave you feeling terribly alone. We are always here if you need to talk through your grief and feelings.
peacebuzzard
(5,614 posts)thinking of you, CanonRay.
Elessar Zappa
(16,335 posts)Im so sorry. May your brother rest in peace.
samnsara
(18,583 posts)(((hugs)))
NNadir
(36,195 posts)kimbutgar
(25,586 posts)It seems that because of the pandemic people dont keep as much in touch as before. Hopefully he is at peace.
world wide wally
(21,836 posts)Judi Lynn
(163,703 posts)So many people will be thinking about you with concern and respect.
So sorry you have encountered this deep sadness. Time will help the healing.
❤️️
area51
(12,382 posts)
pandr32
(13,231 posts)

Withywindle
(9,988 posts)Especially for the awful circumstances. My condolences.
COL Mustard
(7,514 posts)I remember when my father died, strange things happened around the house for a while. It was like he was coming back to say goodbye. Nothing spooky, just weird like my watch making noises, or creaks in the house that weren't normal. They stopped after a few days, but it makes you say "hmmmm".
I'm so sorry for your loss.
duhneece
(4,384 posts)I can't but I wish I could. I'm sorry for your loss seems so cliche
BadgerMom
(3,259 posts)Catherine Vincent
(34,569 posts)gademocrat7
(11,569 posts)Skittles
(166,124 posts)
malthaussen
(18,180 posts)Hekate
(98,600 posts)


Wicked Blue
(8,137 posts)Losing a sibling is hard.
Lost my own brother in January.
Permanut
(7,331 posts)Lost my only sister last year at the age of 77. We used to call each other to compare news and thoughts.
mzmolly
(52,367 posts)
CanonRay
(15,438 posts)My poor brother was dead a week, at least. As a result the house, which wasn't in great shape anyway, is now a hazmat site. We can't even go in to go through his papers until we have it cleaned, so Servpro. We have no wallet, no idea where his life or home owners insurance was with. No idea if he had a will, or where it is. He had a 401k but who knows where. He had two wondwrful kids, but they are a few years out of college and broke, of course. Sigh....
highplainsdem
(57,425 posts)nightmare on top of the pain of losing him so suddenly.
SallyHemmings
(1,944 posts)
calimary
(87,116 posts)I find myself thinking about the people in my life who are gone now. Both sets of parents, two uncles and several aunts, sister-in-law and niece, at least two old flames (that I know of), at least a few high school classmates, and a slew of former coworkers.
Others - I wonder where they are and/or what happened to them, whether they're happy wherever they are, and - gotta be honest - whether they remember me.
I guess when we get older, we start thinking about that stuff.
My sincere condolences, CanonRay. I'm glad you posted about it here. That's one of the really great and reaffirming things about this board. You'll have a bunch of us thinking about you and sending thoughts of care and support. Nobody should mourn alone.
Don't forget what our own DUer Skittles once reminded: "someone's always here."
iemanja
(56,283 posts)
Cha
(313,103 posts)I know how you feel, CR.. my sister passed shockingly unexpectedly the day after Christmas in 2019
And I kept wanting to call her and tell what all was going on! We talked on the phone almost everyday sometimes.
She was in San Diego and I'm on Kauai.. she was also my best friend.
My heart to yours, still and always.
Cha
(313,103 posts)Mahalo for being there for my voice in the wilderness .. words cannot express how much it's meant to me through the years now.
herding cats
(19,733 posts)A shock of a loss like this makes it all the worse for those of us left behind. I deeply understand how that feels. When they're there and you assume you're both going be there still tomorrow, next week or next month.
MissB
(16,329 posts)Truly, I am sorry.
sellitman
(11,708 posts)Please know there are people here to talk to if you need an ear. I've lost both parents in the past 2-1/2 years and it can really rock your world.
PoindexterOglethorpe
(28,003 posts)My brother was found dead three or four days after he died by a friend who went to his home every week to help him out with shopping, medicine, and the like.
He'd been in declining health for a number of years.
I understand what you are going through.
MustLoveBeagles
(13,479 posts)
summer_in_TX
(3,699 posts)When you said you kept feeling like you needed to call him to let him know about the death in the family, it was a gut punch.
The family dynamic has forever changed now, but the habits of heart, mind, and body go on.
wendyb-NC
(4,402 posts)What a shock. May he R.I.P.
Upthevibe
(9,653 posts)I'm so sorry....
R.I.P.
StevieM
(10,575 posts)cate94
(2,985 posts)
UpInArms
(53,146 posts)(((((HUGS)))))
Tarheel_Dem
(31,446 posts)will know for days. Take care of yourself.
yardwork
(67,261 posts)Mad_Dem_X
(9,979 posts)MissMillie
(39,301 posts).
CrispyQ
(39,999 posts)
Not Heidi
(1,515 posts)orangecrush
(25,745 posts)Very sorry for your loss.

wryter2000
(47,915 posts)All I have of my family are my brother and sister and their spouses. I have a few cousins somewhere I haven't seen for decades. They'd be like strangers if I met them.
I am so sorry for your loss. Losing one of my siblings is too depressing to think about.
turbinetree
(26,369 posts)I lost my younger brother last year (heart attack) he was and will always will be our "Cheezy" ....
CaptainTruth
(7,780 posts)
okaawhatever
(9,563 posts)electric_blue68
(22,450 posts)Niagara
(10,804 posts)