They weren't hemorrhoids.

[frogmarch]

In the early 1960s when I was 18, I began working as a nursing assistant at a VA hospital. We NAs were instructed to report to the head nurse any unusual symptoms, etc., exhibited by our assigned patients, all of which, by the way, were males.

After the first bed bath I gave, I reported that one of my patients had two huge hemorrhoids. The head nurse told me to take her to the patient and show her the hemorrhoids. I did. She gave me a long look. "We need to talk," she said.

Hey, it wasn't my fault there were no boys in my family, that my dad didn't walk around in his underwear, or that I didn't have many dates. Well, maybe that one was, but whatever.

Anyway, they weren't hemorrhoids.

[multigraincracker]

1. That's just too funny.

Thanks.

[OAITW r.2.0]

2. That's nutz.

[Abolishinist]

5. Double down on those nutz!

[TexasBushwhacker]

3. On another note

I had a boss who got the bright idea that if he got one of those appliance dollies, he could move his own refrigerator BY HIMSELF! So he grunted. He groaned. He gave it all his might and then POP!

He said "It was like having 5 testicles!"

[Skittles]

4. such innocence!

kudos to that nurse for educating you properly

[Maraya1969]

6. Oh God.................

[3catwoman3]

7. When my mom was in a Catholic-affiliated nursing school in...

...the early 1940s, all the instructors were nuns. When being taught about giving bed baths to male patients, she said the nuns told the students to start with the face and wash "as far down as possible," then go to the feet and wash "as far up as possible," and then, "the patient washes the possible."

When I was a nursing faculty member, I had to design some test questions for our first semester students on principles of skin care. One of the questions asked why, when bathing an uncircumcised male, it was important to return the foreskin to the non-retracted position. 2 of the students did not know the answer but definitely gave it the old college try:

Wrong answer #1 - So the penis doesn't get cold
Wrong answer #2 - Because it is important to always put something back where you found it

I laughed so hard I was crying.

[Coventina]

8. !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I might have pulled something.

[keithbvadu2]

9. Are - my - test - results - back?"

A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. A young student nurse appears and gives him a partial sponge bath.
"Nurse,"' he mumbles from behind the mask, "are my testicles black?"
Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet."
He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, please check for me. Are my testicles black?"
Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worrying about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and pulls back the covers. She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles gently in the other.
She looks very closely and says, "There's nothing wrong with them, Sir. They look fine."
The man slowly pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her, and says very slowly, "Thank you very much. That was wonderful. Now listen very, very closely:
Are - my - test - results - back?"