It was a freezing December morning. I'm 11 or 12. I'm in line with my mother, kid brother, and

[Floyd R. Turbo]

little sister. We’re on High St. waiting to get into the National Guard armory for the Charity Newsies giveaway.

Once in, we will be given a shopping bag and navigate a series of tables covered with clothes. I will get a pair of jeans, a shirt, two sets of underwear and socks, a pair of shoes, and a winter jacket. I’m to get the largest sizes they have. My father will take and sell them for whatever he can get at the beer joints he frequents.

Snot is frozen on my upper lip and my brother and sister are crying. Some of the people driving by yell stuff at us. I can’t make it out but they seem mad.

I tell my mother I’m going home. She says if I do without any clothes I’ll catch a beating. I did, and I did. It wasn’t the first or last but maybe the worst.

I never went there again. The beatings were worth it!

[d_r]

1. I remember one time

My great uncle had what seemed like to me a big old farm house. There was this thing where they brought a wagon load that clothes on it and the whole extended family came to look through it all. This was the 70s. It was some kind of hand me downs that people sent to Appalachia. It's a weird memory. No beatings though.

I hope you are doing ok.

[Diamond_Dog]

2. I'm sorry those are among your childhood memories, Floyd.

You are such a bright spot here on DU.

[Bayard]

3. You turned out okay, Floyd

We love you here.

[Kali]

4. oh

[zanana1]

5. Are you writing a novel?

You should be. Fiction or Non-fiction, that's good craftmanship. I'm not trying to make light of the situation. It's a good piece of writing.

[Boomerproud]

6. If people passing by were abusing you for being at the Charity Newsies

In (I assume) the 60s, folks certainly haven't changed much. That is very sad. Charity Newsies are still on every street corner every first Saturday in December.

[cksmithy]

7. I didn't realize other kids were not

hit by their father until I was in my early 30's. The belt came off as soon as he got home from work and he took out all his anger on us kids. I understand completely and can feel what you went through. For clothes, my mom made the girls two or three dresses each year for school, but only one pair of cheap shoes that wore out in a few months that lasted the whole school year. My brothers and sisters all walked on egg shells but it didn't matter, we all got beat, not with hands but with the sharp painful snap of leather multiple times. I understand.

[Duppers]

8. Oh, dang, I am so sorry.

Last edited Sun Oct 23, 2022, 09:48 PM - Edit history (1)

Beatings by my father were not routine but we three children learned early on that we were not to speak, much less giggle at the table. And we were not to chew gum in the car when he was driving or even eat apples that crunched. The message was clear: he did not like kids, even his own. He used a fresh, raw switch when hitting us that left deep red streaks and sometimes blood.

My mother should never have tolerated his treatment of us, but she was very religious and would never have gotten a divorce. Social stigma and all. Besides, she was most conservative and believed in male dominance. Sigh. I never mourned neither of them when they died.

[cksmithy]

9. Thank you.

When it is an everyday occurrence I and my siblings, didn't realize how different our lives were from most kids. My parents believed in a patriarchy religion and she just let him do it. The only time she tried to intervene she was pregnant and he pushed her to the floor. She never tried to defend her children again. She let us take all of his rage. He was a WWII sailor, PTSD, no treatment, climbed up the side of a rescue ship with a cargo net hanging over the side, when he we was floating in the water after the USS Yorktown went down. He received no treatment, but he didn't want to be labeled as mentally ill. He had a hard childhood and his war time experience didn't make him a better man. I, too, feel the same, I didn't mourn my parent when they died.

[debm55]

10. We are the abused children in time that no one helped. We were helpless until we reached 18. I

feel for us all-the tears, the fear. It was a love based on fear. I was never hit with a belt. If you read my thread Things that were, I describe to a fellow poster what I went through and still basically go through. I cut her off in August after she called my adopted son a bastard and me a poor mother for the last time. She hung up on me. I called back and told her she broke my heart, and she needed to apologize to me. She told me, as she always did, I sh-t you out, not the other way around. Mine was sexual, verbal, physical,broken bones, and emotional--never told me that she loved me and told me I was unlovable. My own abuse included my brother and sister. One of my parents took a film of my brother beating me to the ground and kicking me. My mother made sure my first love saw it. She laughed her ass off as it was being shown. The abuse was constant, my shrink says my mom is a malignant narcissist. All my artwork and writings I left at home were thrown away when I got married. Not one picture of me, my family or my son is in their home.

Question for you all---in all sincerity, how did you go to their funerals? Mine are still alive. I dread the day, they pass. How do you put up with the sad faces and what a wonderful person they were, when you know the truth?

I feel for all--everyone on this thread. I wrap my arms around you and can say I'm sorry for all we went threw. We are survivors. Some people should not be parents.

[Demovictory9]

12. I've visited the Reddit site about narcissist parents. !!! Realized I had it good

No beatings, no verbal abuse. Parents weren't perfect but loved us. Got clean clothes. Got hygiene products. Stuff that I thought all kids got. Reddit opened my eyes. 🥺😳

[debm55]

13. As a ninth grader, we moved to the suburbs, I had a terrible time adjusting to the area and students

I was laughed at because I was wearing hand me downs from my cousins(one taller than me, one heavier that me. So you can imagine. I was still wearing undershirts until my father told my mother I needed a bra.I nerver went to a dentist until collage(does your teeth hurt, if not, no dentist) bath once a week. Hair washed once a week. I had an ingrown toenail that became infecfed, had yellow pus coming out and smelled horrible. I would a cotton ball on it. Could hardly walk. Then I had a red line go up my leg. Got slap in the face because the doctor pulled out the whole toenail out with the infection and didn't numb it and I embarrassed her when I scream. Needless to say, my skin wasn't the best, which lead to brother calling me a pimple face wh--re. In a nutshell, because of the hygiene, the girl sharing the desk with me asked to be moved. I sat by myself all year. One last thing, when I found out I was going through menopause at 32 and could nerer have kids, my natural inclination was to call my mom and cry. Her response was --what do you want me to do about it. that and a slamed receiver was my response.

I go to Reddit to read the post about Outlander, never knew they had a narcissistic thread. . I think it would trigger me.

[Demovictory9]

14. I m so sorry sbout your experience. Reddit people describe amazing (to me) experiences

Such as mom ignoring girls puberty..no pads purchased etc). Girls using balled up kleenex until they steal or purchase pads.. Omg.


Only having one or two shirts to wear. Parents eating well but kid kids piece of bread for lunch..on and on.

Yes you would find the gtoup triggering

[cksmithy]

16. It was a relief when they were finally gone.

I did attend both of their funerals, 8 years apart. I was shunned because I married out of their church. They lived in another state with all of my siblings, so we didn't have to talk or see them very often, but when we did it was always awful. The same type of verbal abuse you describe. My husband and I attended their funerals. We just did the small talk and left. I had a few years of therapy which helped me tremendously by realizing just how rotten they all were and that I didn't have to have anything to do with them.

A few years after my dad died, my older sister reached out to me and we renewed our sister friendship. She was more of a mother to me than my mom. She passed away way too young at 59, and my younger sister and I both reached out to each other. We very slowly got to know each other. Our childhood house was so chaotic that we didn't really know or understand how that environment hurt of all of us in such different ways. I think our parents wanted us to fight with each other.

I am glad that I went to their funerals because I got my sisters back into my life. Also, my siblings all knew our parents were cruel,mean and should never have had children. So no one, talked about how loving they were, etc.

My brothers were like my parents with the mean, ridiculing, put down comments right to your face about anything even right after the funeral. I haven't heard from them and I have no desire to have a relationship with them either.

Make sure you take care of yourself and I too am sorry for all the pain, lack of parental love.

[debm55]

17. Thank you.

[mercuryblues]

18. My honest answer

Question for you all---in all sincerity, how did you go to their funerals? Mine are still alive. I dread the day, they pass. How do you put up with the sad faces and what a wonderful person they were, when you know the truth?

You don't. You don't owe them anything. Nadda, Zilch. You aren't obligated to make yourself available for your family to abuse.

[Stuart G]

11. K & R

[Callalily]

15. The pain always crops up from time to time,

never to be forgotten.

I'm so sorry that you had to go through this. My heart aches for everyone that suffered at the hands/verbal abuse of parents.

[onethatcares]

19. it took forever almost

to realize that I wasn't the only 4 year old that wished his dad died at work.

He played a good part, but his supporting cast amazed me.

And I wondered why my parenting skills weren't up to par.

In answer to a post upthread, I went to a viewing of sorts for my father, it was then that I realized how small he was.
Just a small man in a casket.

I move out of the house when I was 16, never moved back in. Moved 1500 miles away and didn't miss both of my parents
at all unless it's hidden in a trench in my mind.

[debm55]

20. My family has the 2 day viewing. church service, gravesite sevice and a luncheon,

My mother likes to remind me at two and a half, I kicked her, she then preceeded to kick me full force across the kitchen. When I told her that what she did was low class, she laughed and said that I never kicked her again and laughed, Soon afterward my dad punched me in the mouth. I lost my baby teeth. But commandment 4--Honor your mother and father.I remember the punch in the mouth, but not the kick, Oh, I worry that they do not ask me about my parents during the service=that's the thing now.

[onethatcares]

21. I hope

you get healing. Gaud knows we all need it.

[Niagara]

22. We love you, Floyd R. Turbo!