On a tuktuk in Colombo
Gasoline is still iffy here in Colombo so taxis are few and far between. But the ubiquitous tuktuk (three-wheeler rickshaw) gets a special dispensation in their gasoline ration because the city would shut down without them. The following exchange was slightly edited for clarity and length:
Driver: Where going, sir?
Me: (my address)
Driver: Where from, sir?
Me: Greenland. I miss the walruses very much.
Driver: You like shopping, sir?
Me (here we go): I hate it more than anything in life*
Driver: But you like jewelry? We go to best jewelry store in Colombo, you go in two minutes only, I get petrol voucher.
Me: No, sorry, I hate jewelry
Driver: Spices then?
Me: No, I hate spices even more
Driver: Fabric? Good fabric!
Me (does this guy have a grift with every damn industry in the city? -- probably, yes): Allergic. I only wear fur**. It's murder in this heat
Driver: You like DVDs? I have friend with many good DVDs!
Me (switching to Tamil): Narakattil yaar imdu oru tiviti pileeyar vaittirukkidaar ("Who in the hell owns a DVD player in 2022?" )
Driver (staying in English): My parents sir! Old people love it!
pause
Driver: Not that you are old, sir, but maybe you like old things.
Me (still in Tamil): Paravaayillai, namdi ("no, thank you" )
Driver: You like dugong, sir?
Me (startled back into English): N... wait. Dugong? Like the sea cow?
Driver (now in Tamil): Niimkall villittirukkidiirkalaa emdu paarkkidee ("Just checking you are paying attention, bro" )
It got him a tip that made up for the gasoline grift I wouldn't let him run with me. So props to the hustle.
* (he had picked me up in front of a shopping mall and I was carrying three bags of stuff I bought)
** (I'm wearing a linen shirt and shorts)
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