Advice from a German woman to women everywhere there are cars:

[DFW]

Last edited Tue Nov 15, 2022, 07:52 AM - Edit history (1)

Never hook up with a man before you have driven with him for while.

Here in Germany, aggressive driving is, unfortunately, the norm. From autobahn stretches without speed limits, to ones where there are speed limits, but they get ignored, to drivers who get injected (seemingly) with some kind of serum that forces them to overtake any other vehicle on or near the road, including the 747 flying above.

My wife has several girlfriends who used to be with men like that, and all are separated from them. I was already exotic to her as a creature from another continent, but my driving habits, learned in northern Virginia in the 1960s, were a welcome relief to her (I found out later--women don't tend to tell guys they like their driving habits). By German standards, I am downright timid. Stop when I'm supposed to, obey posted speed limits, couldn't care less about overtaking some car ahead of me for the sole reason that it's there.

We drove back from my daughter's house down in the Taunus hills last Sunday night, and the autobahn was like a suicide derby. As we approached our exit, we saw about seven ambulances, sirens wailing, headed in the other direction. Some clown had decided to perform some maneuver that ended up putting seven people in the hospital (in today's local paper).

In the area from where she comes, the flat farmland near the Dutch border, the local cemetery is full of gravestones of people whose lives lasted between 18 and 26 years. Just about all of them car crashes. Few families in the area have been untouched by car crashes. We hammered (gently) this point of view into our girls, and they took it to heart. Indeed, guys who had aggressive, inconsiderate driving habits were usually the same way with their girlfriends. It's a great way to find out about a guy without ever having to let him know what you're checking out.

But don't take it from me. I'm just a guy. What could I possibly know?

[Tanuki]

1. Michelle Obama's family felt that way about watching how a man played basketball!

She had her brother Craig shoot some hoops with Barack for that purpose when they were dating.

https://www.google.com/amp/s/nypost.com/2018/12/24/barack-approval-boxing-fights-inside-bond-between-knicks-exec-and-sister-michelle/amp/


.. .."when she was mulling whether to marry the future president, who had just graduated from Harvard law school. Michelle asked her brother to invite Barack, as a test, to one of his pickup games.

“Craig’s opinion of Barack mattered to me and my brother knew how to read people, especially in the context of a game,” Michelle wrote.

“He’s no ball hog,” Craig said, according to the memoir. “But he’s got guts.”

"I realized he wasn’t selfish,” Robinson said. “He wasn’t greedy. He showed character on the court. He called fouls and gave up fouls. You have to trust the guys you’re playing with in pickup, they’ll make the right call. He did all of that. I was able to get back to her and say, ‘He seems like a pretty good guy.’ The best thing about it I told her is he didn’t just pass me the ball because he was dating my sister.”

So does Robinson believe he clinched the marriage?

“I don’t think I clinched it, but I moved it in the right direction,” said Robinson, who walked Michelle down the aisle because their father had recently passed away at age 55. “I might’ve been able to derail it, but they had to clinch it.”

[calimary]

2. Mine was the condom test.

Was he willing to take responsibility for birth control since “The Pill” was out-of-the-question for me, medically.

I figured if my prospective partner was considerate enough to handle that part willingly, then he was probably going to be considerate of my feelings on other things.

Turned out to be a pretty good indicator.

[rubbersole]

3. Or how a guy treats his mother.

In words and deeds.

[Lochloosa]

9. Bingo.

[catbyte]

4. Mine was my late husband would bring me a thermos of freshly-brewed coffee

every morning at work whether we'd seen each other the night before or not. And he'd pick up the thermos just before I got out of work. He was a "coffee snob" who always ground the beans and made coffee with a french press. His work hours were more flexible than mine, which worked out well for me.

I had 30 years with him before Type I diabetes took him from me. He was the most considerate man I've ever met.

PS: Fuck diabetes.

[Quakerfriend]

5. Great piece of advice!

My DH loves to drive and is an excellent driver.
He has likely saved our lives a couple times-
as we approached disabled vehicles on the highway going at high speeds etc.

However, he has scared me more than a few times.

My beloved grandmother lost her leg & my aunt had her face badly scarred in a reck as they were driving out to college. And, my sister had her life forever altered when her boyfriend rolled the car on the way home from the junior prom. She was a brilliant, multi-talented young women with her whole future ahead of her one day & completely changed the next.

I tell my husband the ‘need’ to drive fast and get wild on the road is all about ego. At age 60 he now seems to get that. But, when in Germany he cannot resist the Autobahn!

[Siwsan]

6. I dated a guy who once decided to terrify me by driving 100mph down a stretch of highway

I was 18. I kept BEGGING him to slow down but he thought my reaction was hilarious. It was late night and there weren't many other cars on the road but in a way that made it even more horrible.

The very last time I saw him (my choice) was when I stepped out of his car and onto my driveway, still shaking.

I haven't thought about this in MANY years. I forgot his last name but I can still remember the look on his face as he enjoyed watching me CRY for him to slow down. Hopefully I can forget that, too.

[DFW]

7. With guys like that

You turn around, walk as fast as you can in the opposite direction and do NOT look back. I don’t need two X chromosomes to figure that one out!

[oldsoftie]

8. Never trust a man who hates cats but LOVES dogs either.

They hate cats because they're too independent
They love dogs because they'll do what they're told
And thats how they like their women.

[Joinfortmill]

11. Very interesting

Have one of those in my family. He is a bit possessive of his wife. Fortunately, she's been able to keep him within bounds.

[oldsoftie]

14. A totally anecdotal survey I did years ago.

The first woman I ever knew that had been abused by her husband (may have know others, but it was kept quiet) had a husband who hated cats. And when I say that its not just ambivalent, they HATE them. So the next woman that I knew of, I asked her "does he like cats?". "No, he hates them". Hmmm. So every time I ever had a friend who was in an abusive relationship I always asked. And after 8 yrs and 6 women, all gave the same answer. And I'm sure its not 100%, just seems to be what I've seen
I'd love for a REAL study to be done. Because it would sure be an easy red flag

[DFW]

12. I love both but can have neither

My wife is allergic to their hair.

[mitch96]

13. "They love dogs because they'll do what they're told "Well I guess then I'm out in the cold😉.

Although I must admit I'm partial to the Maine Coon... Very chill, never speed and stay in their lane! Only problem is they shed like tire rubber on a race track...
m

[highplainsdem]

15. I was dumb enough while still in high school to like "older men" (college or slightly older)

who were a bit wild. As in, I'd get grounded if my parents found out I was out with them.

I still remember being dumb enough NOT to be horrified when out with a really cute 21-year-old with a hot car who was driving 90 mph dead center on a two-lane highway around midnight, over hills. He later got in some trouble for drag racing with a friend on the country club golf course.

And about the same time he got in trouble, a friend of mine died just miles away from where that nitwit had been driving 90 mph, trying to drive home drunk and missing a turn.

So reckless/drunk driving suddenly seemed very stupid.

And you're right, DFW, that any guy driving that way is a bad risk.

[DFW]

16. It's easy for me to agree, because I never drive like that.

I know a guy in northern Germany who is very responsible, a solid family man who has a very conservative (English definition, not Republicanese) lifestyle, who nevertheless has a car collection, and likes to drive very fast when road conditions permit. I NEVER drive with him, because my nerves do NOT permit.

Another story you'll like--a friend of mine from the Netherlands knew a guy who lived near him, and this guy was obsessed with speed (as in rapidity, not drugs). He saved up to buy a super-fast car, and would then drive it across the border to Germany, where he could drive on the Autobahn as fast as he wanted. But land vehicles just weren't fast enough for him, so he trained for, and received, his pilot's license.

One day, as he was on his way over to Germany, he was pulled over by a cop on the Dutch side of the border for driving something like 60 KPH over the speed limit. The Dutch cop was furious, and demanded to see his pilot's license. "Oh, sure, here you are," said the guy, and produced his pilot's license. The cop stared, and finally couldn't maintain a straight face any longer.

Laughing, he admitted that in 20 years of using that line, no one had ever actually produced a pilot's license when he facetiously demanded to see one. He said that in honor of the occasion, he would let the guy off with a very stern warning, namely: if he caught him doing that speed again within the Netherlands, he would lose his license AND his car. I never heard if there was a follow-up episode.

[highplainsdem]

19. Love that story! Oh, to have seen that cop's face...

I couldn't help thinking, though, that in the Netherlands where they really love their most famous band, Golden Earring, telling the cop he'd been listening to "Radar Love" might also have helped him avoid that ticket. According to comments I've seen on YouTube, that's worked in other countries.

When I was in college I dated a guy who had two Corvettes (that wasn't why I dated him -though he did look cool in his Corvette Club of Texas jacket), but I don't remember him being a particularly reckless driver. Possibly because he didn't want to risk those cars (or his license).

A relative of mine had a racing model Austin Healey and regularly ignored the speed limit. Claimed to have outrun the local police at one time, but I don't know if that story was true. Very lucky not to have an accident, but later was married to someone who died, a few years after their wedding, after an accident caused by reckless driving and speeding.

[Tetrachloride]

17. I've been a designated driver for a few decades.

I maintain the standards of my parents as best I can.

[DFW]

18. I've been that on occasion, though by elimination

I don't drink alcohol, so when I'm out with people who do, guess who gets to drive everybody home?