Can't sleep covid edition, but I can hear a bird outside.

[imavoter]

I'm in the DFW area, but my part
doesn't always get the rain.

Anyway I'm on day 8 recovering from covid,
feeling better after the Paxlovid but still losing
steam pretty quickly. Kinda feels like flu and a nasty
sinus infection at the same time. So I started a steroid
pack yesterday just to help the gunk break up and I've been
on an antibiotic just in case because doc didn't want me ending up with a secondary pneumonia. But I digress.

So I'm tired, but freaking WIRED from the steroid. Only slept two hours. My point...

My husband died Aug 2021 and it's always on my mind. Sometimes I'm debilitated, sometimes I'm not.

I've been sleeping on the couch sitting up as I have sleep apnea and won't use my machine until my clean tubing comes in. So I'm up, wired, just put on a show, and I can hear this bird chirp, chirping at the dog bowl outside.

I forgot to dump it out last night, so the bird was taking advantage of the water. CHIRP CHIRP for about 5 minutes.
It's just now, that I'm able to have little joys again since my husband passed. Just the joy of a bird finding water in drought. He appreciated those kinds of things.

I've seen this same bird before. I'll go put some fresh water
and go ahead and get the dogs up for breakfast.

Thank goodness for the dogs.

[Walleye]

1. I completely sympathize. Lost the love of my life in 2005

It still hurts. I have in the past few years learned to enjoy some of the simpler things and try to stay in the present tense. I hope you feel better, take care of your pups.

[imavoter]

4. Thank you

I'm only two years in, just still getting over the shock and
in some kind of early, delayed grief mixed with beginning to be ok
with my unchosen path.
iykyk.
thanks again. I'm sorry for your loss.
We were happy, if only for 8 short years.
Wouldn't change a thing, except for the dying part.

[niyad]

2. I am glad that you are starting to find joy again. Please take very good

care of yourself.

[imavoter]

5. thank you n/t

[samplegirl]

3. Get Well

Covid still sucks and it’s hard on some of us!
Get well soon

[imavoter]

6. I'm doing ok.

I'm on the mend. I was able to do a load of dishes and laundry yesterday.
So I'm getting there.
I'm so glad for Paxlovid. It does what it's supposed to do.
In a few weeks I'll go get a flu and the updated covid shot.

I guess I'm going to mask now, no matter what.
It's hard trying to move forward in grief when you don't want to be around the un masked masses.

I guess I had to learn the hard way. I had covid last year and the
two times I said f it with masking I get sick.
So masks for me now, no matter what. Not worth the risk.

[SpamWyzer]

7. My departed wife

of 40 years was an avid gardener, she loved flowers, butterflies and hummingbirds, she loved the natural world. When she died suddenly, I was destroyed. Almost physically incapable of anything beyond tears and fears. Then one day, as I pulled weeds from her flower beds, missing her with that horrible void that no one else can fill when a kind voice in my own head said to me, almost as she would have..."She was your wife, not your life."...I pondered this truth. It led me back to me. It saved me from the despair of loss and fears of loneliness and old age without a partner. Guess what? I am much better now. I pray you find a moment when the perspective shifts back into place, when your heart feels the loss but not the pain and when you discover yourself again inside just waiting to do things like enjoying the birds. He would want you to be happy again. Peace

[Delphinus]

9. Oh,

that was a powerful message; so glad you shared, as I will use it as a reminder for getting through an out-of-the-blue divorce and its attendant pain. Thank you.

[BComplex]

13. Out-of-the-blue divorce is so horrible!

I'm so sorry, Delphinus! I hope you find a fuller life than you hoped for before this.

[Delmette2.0]

12. Thank you for your thoughts.

"She was your wife....not your life."

Seven words just seven can change an entire outlook.
You have given me a lot to think about and to be thankful about.

I lost my oldest son, my mother and a brother in two and a half years. None of it from COVID, but still devastating each in their own way.

[peacebuzzard]

8. I am glad you are mending.

I have had covid twice now. Both times it was really hard to recover. I am older; so I suppose that is why.
I have never quit masking. But now, it is only around population densities equal to a supermarket on a lightly to medium visited day.
Around airports and flights its 100% masking when I get to the gate/flight. While walking fast not so much.
Going through security 100% masking; lines are slow. No one but me usually masks.

Today I go for my 6th booster. Take care.
By the way, LOL you have to wake up the pups?

[MLAA]

10. So glad to hear you are starting to get a little strength back.

Here’s hoping for a better night sleep tonight. Sending you hugs as you continue your journey without your dear husband. 💗💗💗💗💗💗

[calimary]

11. And thank goodness for YOU!

Last edited Mon Sep 25, 2023, 02:17 PM - Edit history (1)

Shit, imavoter - can’t tell you how often I think about this stuff! Like - ALL THE TIME.

I still have my husband. We’ve been married so long that it’s no longer easy to keep track without stopping to count. When I’m asked, I usually say “we were married in 1976. You do the math.” But not a day goes by that I don’t find myself thinking about it and wondering how much longer we’ve got. And who’s gonna go first? And assuming it’s him, what do I do about it - from mourning til, well, til nights (and how many nights), and all the procedural stuff and coping mechanisms and longer-range stuff and so forth.

And we’re not getting any younger.

I hope you keep us all posted. I’d love to hear about this new journey you’re on. Besides, I imagine it’ll be therapeutic for you, and expanding and deepening wisdom for us all. Please keep posting and weighing in.

Besides - otherwise we’re gonna worry.

[BComplex]

14. I'm in your boat, Calimary.

Both of us are getting way older, and it seems to be happening way faster than we want it to.

That's the thing about loving people: one of you is going to go first. But like Garth Brooks said

And now I'm glad I didn't know
The way it all would end
The way it all would go
Our lives are better left to chance
I could have missed the pain
But I'd have had to miss the dance

[calimary]

15. Terrific lyrics! They really speak the truth.

https://m.