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I've been estranged from my family for 13 years, ever since my mom died.
Just received an email from a family member saying they miss me and they want to talk.
I messaged this family member back, and I'm waiting for a reply.
This was the last thing I expected today.
I'm in shock and I have no idea how to react to this.
marble falls
(57,397 posts)bucolic_frolic
(43,393 posts)Think about how you will feel in the future if this or that plays out. What feels right in the moment sometimes does not age well.
samnsara
(17,651 posts)....if they ever reach out to me I will ignore them.
they made their choice and I am not their personal confessional.
good luck with your family...
Irish_Dem
(47,552 posts)Listen to what they have to say.
Then think it over.
LuckyCharms
(17,469 posts)I have not contacted them during this time for fear of stirring up a hornet's nest and therefore harming this person mentally, which I don't want to do.
I have been hoping for years that they would reach out to me, and they finally did.
Still awaiting a response.
Irish_Dem
(47,552 posts)I didnt know the back story.
Still listen to what they have to say.
Things change over a decade.
But sounds like a long awaited positive development in your life.
LuckyCharms
(17,469 posts)I'm freaking sobbing here.
Damn.
Irish_Dem
(47,552 posts)Opening up a lot of emotions.
FalloutShelter
(11,890 posts)Accepting the olive branch.
All the best.
PatSeg
(47,678 posts)If a reunion is what you want, life is too short to hold on to any hurt or grudges. It is a positive sign that they are missing you.
I have been estranged from my family, so I can appreciate what you are going through. Good luck and I hope everything goes well.
cilla4progress
(24,789 posts)You can take time to respond.
Irish_Dem
(47,552 posts)We usually have time to think things over.
Sleep on it, etc.
Wounded Bear
(58,755 posts)LuckyCharms
(17,469 posts)but not with anyone else.
LuckyCharms
(17,469 posts)Nittersing
(6,384 posts)KS Toronado
(17,388 posts)Marthe48
(17,055 posts)If you have second-guessed yourself over the years, you have a chance to see if you did the right thing for yourself at the time, and if you want anything to change now.
skydive forever
(447 posts)Havent spoken to anyone in my family since 1988, and sadly, I no longer even miss any of them. But good luck to you.
Katcat
(236 posts)Havent spoken to my only sister in about 3 years. I told her that it was despicable of her and her husband to tell our brother that they were tired of taking him to his cancer treatments. At the time he started they were fine with taking him but I guess they decided he was no longer worth it. Still pisses me off that he died knowing how little they cared.
PatSeg
(47,678 posts)I am so sorry that your brother had to go through that.
Bernardo de La Paz
(49,052 posts)If they unbalance you, fondly disentangle again.
ashredux
(2,609 posts)Katinfl
(160 posts)My husband was estranged from his sister for 5 years. She chose to shut him off but they finally spoke because my husband made the first move. Sadly, it will never be the same though. Hope it works out for you.
niyad
(113,668 posts)LoisB
(7,246 posts)Hope22
(1,894 posts)As they say in the defensive driving class never winch yourself into trouble. Ive had to begin contact with family members that have given me a lifetime of grief. Moms in memory care so I have to interact with sister. The line between past and present is verrry thin. Take care of yourself and guard your boundaries. Love to you!💗💐
pandr32
(11,635 posts)I hope you can get to a point where you feel comfortable. Thirteen years is quite a gulf.
Joinfortmill
(14,486 posts)frogstar0
(47 posts)I think loads of people estranged from family or friends ( remember they are estranged from you), would like to change things. Reaching our is always scary for many different reasons, varying for each case.
PatSeg
(47,678 posts)are because no one is willing to make the first move, which can be a loss for everyone. Of course, there are also estrangements that are for the best as some people are just too toxic to let back into your life. I am familiar with both kinds.
ArkansasDemocrat1
(1,269 posts)Maybe I'll get a message like that someday.
Think. Again.
(8,576 posts)There's terrific advice in this thread, I would just also say to try to protect yourself from falling back into any bad old stuff, but be ready to welcome any good new path forward!
Niagara
(7,701 posts)I certainly hope that you're able to rekindle what was once lost. Please be careful.
Good luck and best wishes my friend!!
Floyd R. Turbo
(26,670 posts)years ago. A few years back I received a letter from a sister wanting to reconnect. Knowing what mooches, grifters, and all around dirt bags they are the letter went into the trash.
LuckyCharms
(17,469 posts)She is my niece.
Found out a ton of stuff.
Turns out my siblings are jealous of me.
And fucking crazy.
Damn!
Thank you all for your advice and kind words.
debm55
(25,606 posts)to. Me I feel better without the toxic stuff coming from them.
Nittersing
(6,384 posts)So glad you were able to connect.
Mr.Bill
(24,344 posts)It has to do with things he did and said around the time of our mother's death. Specifically, he said some very rude things to my wife. I don't miss him at all and don't want to ever see or speak to him again. I never liked him that much anyway. I have no regrets.