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He lives vicariously through himself.
He once had an awkward moment, just to see how it feels.
His beard alone has experienced more than a lesser mans entire body.
When it is raining, it is because he is thinking of something sad.
His shirts never wrinkle.
He is left-handed and right-handed.
If he were to mail a letter without postage, it would still get there.
The police often question him just because they find him interesting.
His blood smells like cologne.
On every continent in the world, there is a sandwich named after him.His hands feel like rich brown suede.
Cuba imports cigars from him.
Mosquitos refuse to bite him purely out of respect.
In museums, he is allowed to touch the art.
His business card simply says Ill call you.
He has won the lifetime achievement award, twice.
If he were to punch you in the face, you would have to fight off the urge to thank him.
He bowls overhand.
He is fluent in all languages, including three that he only speaks.
He tips an astonishing 100%.
Once while sailing around the world, he discovered a short cut.
Panhandlers give him money.
He divorced his wife because he caught her littering.
His passport requires no photograph.
When he drives a new car off the lot, it increases in value.
He once taught a German shepherd to bark in Spanish.
He never says something tastes like chicken not even chicken.
Hes been known to cure narcolepsy, just by walking into a room.
Even his enemies list him as their emergency contact number.
Hes a lover, not a fighter, but hes also a fighter, so dont get any ideas.
His shirts never wrinkle.
He has amassed an incredibly large DVD library, and it is said that he never once alphabetized it.
You can see his charisma from space.
He does Calculus in his head.
He once punched a magician. Thats right. You heard me.
If a monument were built in his honor, Mt. Rushmore would close
due to poor attendance.
His organ donation card also lists his beard.
On every continent in the world, there is a sandwich named after him.
He doesnt believe in using oven mitts, nor potholders.
His reputation is expanding faster than the universe.
His cereal never gets soggy. It sits there, staying crispy, just for him.
The pheromones he secretes have been known to affect people miles away, in a slight but measurable way.
His hands feel like rich brown suede.
He owns three sports cars and rents five.
He once taught a horse to read email for him.
He once brought in $13 million at a charity bachelor auction, which was a lot of money at the time.
Respected archaeologists fight over his discarded apple cores.
Midgets look up to him.
Ghosts fear him.
When sailing, the wind is always at his back.
As a toddler he taught others to walk.
His passport requires no photo.
Athletes seek his autograph.
He can keep one eye on the past while looking into the future.
When fishing at some point he has to call it quits.
His 1913 Duesenberg still has that new car smell.
Though he can't walk on water he's never slipped on ice.
Dolphins love swimming with him.
His mother has a heart tattoo that reads, "Son".
He is... the most interesting man in the world.
Stay thirsty, my friends