I need advice.. Oh man, My heart is torn right now.

[fun n serious]

So last night at about 7pm a woman and a little boy knock on my door, I have a 9 year old,my son knows the little boy but the boy is 2yrs younger so never played with him much. She asks,"can Kayden (her son) stay here and play with your son just while I walk to the store? He has a sprained ankle and I don't want to leave him alone? My 9 year old says, " oh hey whats up kayden I'm playing xbox live."

So I see the two somewhat know eachother but I've never seen or met her. Sure, I said. I introduced myself and we exchanged names. She leaves.. to the store it is presumed. Meanwhile, the little boy says he is starving and has not eaten in two days. I'm schocked! I ask why, he say they are homeless and have been sleeping in the park. I feed him what we had for dinner..lasagna, salad and garlic bread then icecream. As soon as he ate he fell asleep on my love seat. He looked worn and tired. An hour goes by, then two, I wait up til 1am nothing. By this time everyone in the house is asleep except me. I'm tired and go to bed.

7am this morning.. I open my front door to load the recycling bin and there is a note.. I'm homeless, thanks for watching Kayden, I'll be back for him later..Again thank you first warm night sleep he has had in a long time. (I live Oregon) She has not returned and I don't know what to do but wait. I will not call police unless days go by.. I don't think police can help. Please advice anyone?

BTW, I've been a member since 2005 but I never post cuz my grammer is not so good and I'm not an eloquent writer. I mostly read.

[MrsBrady]

1. ummm....

you need to contact police...
and or CPS in your area.

I'm not saying she is a bad person or perhaps is not having a hard time...
but this is my point...
allowing a child to go hungry is not an option and they need help.
Leaving him with you like that is not acceptable, either.

You need to report this and report this now.

on edit:
I found this in two clicks..
http://www.oregon.gov/dhs/children/pages/abuse/abuse_neglect.aspx
http://www.oregon.gov/dhs/children/pages/abuse/cps/cw_branches.aspx

911 is your friend right now. use it.

[NYC_SKP]

19. She didn't exactly let the child go hungry. The mom is trying.

But bringing her to a stable home for care is trying to do the right thing.

It's shitty, and if the child truly didn't eat for days then it's tragic.

But true neglect looks a lot worse than this.

Still, calling authorities is the right thing to do, you're right about that.

[MrsBrady]

34. I'm a manditory reporter in my state...

So if this woman had left her child with me,
and if the child had told me he hadn't eaten in two days and
sleeping in the park...

I would have had to have called 911 as I was feeding him food.
I'm just saying...

Clearly the OP is not a mandatory reporter,
but I think it's still the right thing to do.


Reporting is never fun.

[NYC_SKP]

36. I am too, as an employee of a public school organization.

You and I both would have probably had more training in what to do and likely called for assistance last night, not to cast any doubt on the OP, who did all she could do and who wasn't obliged to do more last night.

Also, that her child knew this one adds credibility to the poor mother's story, I suppose.

And, yes, reporting is devastatingly hard to do.

[riderinthestorm]

2. I hate to say it as well, but you need to contact the police

or CPS.

You don't even know if this woman is related to Kayden. Even Kayden may not know if that woman is his "mom", even if she's acting that way.

Regardless this is a family in crisis and they need intervention. You've done a lovely thing by taking the youngster in for the night. I have no idea if CPS will let you keep him indefinitely or if you even want to, but regardless you must call the authorities.

[fun n serious]

3. I'm thinking I should wait..

A few more hours. If she shows up.. her and I can google shelters and look for some kind of help. If she doesn't show I'm willing to call CPS becuase I can not see this boy sleeping in the park. Maybe CPS can find him a safe place until she gets an apartment.. Or maybe they can help her find one. I don't know. I think a few more hours.. its 8:42 here. Should I wait til noon maybe?

[MrsBrady]

4. why wait when you know he hasn't eaten in two days

and she has not returned...
and left him with people over night whom she did not know.

that's not proper parenting and the boy needs some help.
and you have no idea what other dangers he may be facing...

call 911 and tell them what you told us in your original post.

[pipi_k]

5. Same

opinion as the others before me.

Report it. This family needs more help than you can provide.

[fun n serious]

6. This is my deepest concern...

She does not know me!!!!! She left her son with someone she does not know. He is safe here but she didn't knowthat when she keft him here! Good greef.

[MrsBrady]

7. call 911

and we will hold your internet hand...
do it.

give us an update after you've talked with them.

[fun n serious]

8. I calling police non emergency line right now..

Not 911 but police non- emergency.. On hold.

[MrsBrady]

9. ok good job...

they may still transfer you to 911...
just be aware of that....

[riderinthestorm]

10. Yup, please keep us "on the line" as well. There are some DU social worker experts here... nt

[Tuesday Afternoon]

16. You are doing the right thing. Keep us posted - and -

you write beautifully. Natural cadence and easy to read.

Good luck to you all

[sarge43]

158. And you don't know her. She could be setting you up for serious charges.

CYA and call the police right now. Further, the child is abandoned; he needs legal protection.

Bless you for taking care of him.

[Phentex]

11. Your nine year old is old enough to know something

about this boy. Are they recently homeless? What does your son know about them?

What kind of mental state is SHE in if she has left her child with a kind stranger? She didn't go to the store so she lied to you. I'm am not blaming her. I am simply saying you don't know anything about her, her mental state and what she is capable of.

As others have said, for all you know this lady has kidnapped this little boy. Do you want to be a part of that? If you care about him at all, you will contact the authorities. Don't wait. He will at least go to a place where he will be fed.

[Takket]

12. Call 911 NOW

This is not your child and you have zero legal right to do anything with him. In today's litigious society you are only asking for trouble the longer you wait.

[grasswire]

13. Does the boy have a sprained ankle?

I'm wondering if she fled a domestic violence scene.

Can you gently ask the boy some questions about his family situation?

[fun n serious]

22. he is still asleep.

its 9am here. Poor kid is is sound asleep.

[HopeHoops]

14. If it was me, I'd call the police and explain the situation and offer to provide shelter for him.

They should be able to contact shelters for you and help to find the mother. Perhaps they'll have to arrange for him to go to another place until she's found, but there's also the chance his mother will show back up at your place. I'm sure they've dealt with this kind of situation before. They at least need to know he is with you and safe. If something unfortunate happened to her mother and you haven't reported him, you'll have some serious explaining to do.

[htuttle]

15. I wonder how she knew where your house was?

Has he ever been over before?

[fun n serious]

18. he has never been over before. nt

My 9 year old said they use to live down the street..

[fun n serious]

17. Police are on the way.

I don't know and have never seen this woman. My son recognized the boy. She appeared to be 23-25 years old thin young woman. She said she was walking to the store and never came back. There was a note on my door this morning saying thanks and I'll be back later. I'm 43 my youngest is 9. I don't know what this poor young woman is going through. Is she on drugs? Just homeless? No idea. Police are on the way. I hate to do this but what about tomorrow? will she leave him with someone who would hurt him? She left him with me and I am a stranger to her.

[Tuesday Afternoon]

20. You did the right thing. The police will know how to handle this.

Best of luck to you all.

Keep us updated.

[kurtzapril4]

102. Yeah, they'll do the right thing....

put him in many different foster homes, so he can be abused, or maybe a local children's shelter, where he can be abused. Yep, the state ALWAYS does the right thing. I know.

[fun n serious]

112. He was being abused in the care of his mother.

I'm hurting believe me. I still feel sick.

[Tuesday Afternoon]

121. that was an Over reaction. You did the right thing. Maybe the police don't always do

the right thing ...but, they don't always do the wrong thing either. You can stay in touch with Kayden and keep tabs on his case, right?

[Tuesday Afternoon]

124. of all the people in this thread saying the same thing I said, I wonder why you chose me

to reply? Do you have some suggestions for this woman or not? Did you just come in this thread to torment people?

[fun n serious]

127. I'm sorry I'm tormenting people

I'm still learning how to post to right person. I think she sjould leave Kayden in the care of his grandmother until she is more stable. Thats all I can suggest.

[Tuesday Afternoon]

129. YOU are NO problem. I had replied to kurtzapril4 who IS tormenting people and I want to know why.

You are doing good things

[fun n serious]

131. see why I rarely post

lol, for the first time today...I don't know what kurtzapril4 would do differant. Like you all said, what if something happend to his mom and I had this kid and did not call police?

[Tuesday Afternoon]

132. exactly! You did the Right Thing. I hope that you can continue to be a good influence in

Kayden's life. I hope his Grandmother calls you. I hope his Mother gets the help that she needs.

[2pooped2pop]

154. he has a grandmother? Wake the kid and find his grandmother

I hate to see the kid go through the system if he has family that can help him. The mother may be on drugs or may have like others suggested fled a bad situation. It doesn't mean it's permanent. While it looks like she is abusive, she did make a move to get him fed and warmed. He probably told her he knew your son. Maybe that is why she chose you. I'm not saying the she did good enough for him. I just hate kids being ripped from the only family they have if it is avoidable.

[OneGrassRoot]

21. I have no words of advice or wisdom...

but I send you abundant hugs. For the child as well. Tough, tough spot you were put in.

[Ptah]

23. I think you have done the right thing.

[longship]

26. Write things down b4 the police arrive.

That way you won't forget anything. Also, make sure you give them the note.

Good luck and keep us posted.

[NYC_SKP]

27. It's the right thing to do, not easy but the right thing to do.

Presumably, any shelters or child protective services work closely in your community so calling police should be just fine.

Do try to find out from the police if it will be possible to be kept apprised of where the child is sent, visitation might be allowed (also might not), but you might be the only comforting adult figure in this child's life.

Ask police if there's anything else you can do, possibly contact the school about the child's absence, or they might want you to do nothing.

Thank you for caring!

[Chorophyll]

62. Nothing to add but

And a post to keep this kicked, just in case.

[bkkyosemite]

24. I'm in Oregon

Call DHS


"Abandonment

Abandonment is parental behavior showing an intent to permanently give up all rights and claims to a child."

http://www.oregon.gov/dhs/children/pages/abuse/abuse_neglect.aspx

Contact your local DHS office....here is link:

http://www.oregon.gov/dhs/children/pages/abuse/cps/cw_branches.aspx

[fun n serious]

25. they're here

update later

[aikoaiko]

28. Good luck. You're doing the right thing based on available info.

And you're a kind-hearted person for sure.

[coalition_unwilling]

32. Thank you for caring and sharing - n/t

[MrsBrady]

35. ok...

we are here for you...

[Arkansas Granny]

29. I know you're agonizing over this, but you really need to call CPS.

It sounds like you have a good heart, but this appears to be a situation where the best help you can give is to call the authorities.

[NotThisTime]

30. Are you in a situation where you would like to legally foster the child? Family services will most

likely get involved. My problem with the mother is two fold, she doesn't know you, but she also didn't tell you the truth as to her situation. It's one thing to be embarrassed or ashamed to ask for help, it's entirely different to literally abandon your child and not let that caregiver know your exact situation.

I'm sorry this has fallen on your shoulders. In our state if you wanted to take him in you could do so on an emergency placement basis and social services would work it out this week as to your situation if you wanted to legally care for him or they would find another home where he would be safe and fed.

[fun n serious]

45. Police said kid can not stay here

Mom might be back and get hostile.

[NotThisTime]

46. She may come back and get hostile if her son is not there, ask what to do in this situation?

[pipi_k]

107. My thought too, but

I decided that if I were in that situation I would not even answer the door...just call the police.

[fun n serious]

116. Thanx again everyone.

This was incredibly hard. The CPS worker told me they are not in the business of taken kids away from their bio parents. She will be offered parenting classes and treatment if needed, then financial help in getting her family a safe housing. I hope thats true.

[coalition_unwilling]

33. I've read elsewhere on DU (don't have cites ready at hand) that

upwards of 16 million American children experience one or more episodes of food inseucrity per month. This in a country where the 6 WalMart heirs control as much wealth as the bottom 30 million Americans combined.

[tama]

44. And...

...they are not just statistical numbers.

[coalition_unwilling]

48. I wonder how many on DU have ever had to go hungry for more than

one day. Wonder how many had to go hungry as a child. Involuntary hunger is a terrible thing and no words can really capture it.

[Chan790]

149. I did...

as an adult. It was awful. I cannot imagine it as a child. I never want to be that hungry again.

[marzipanni]

56. and, may I add, offer WalMart associates such low wages and hours provided

that, if they have dependent kids, they qualify for federally funded food stamps and state/county funded health care/ privatize the profits socialize the cost.
Plus the downward drift of the middle class = more people shopping at Walmart = more profits for the WalMart owners.

[fun n serious]

37. Police contacted CPS and we are waiting for a caseworker..

Police probed little boy and here is what I heard.. "We've been homeless and staying at my great grandmas cept she kicked us out. becuase she hates my mom. Post more when I can

[MissB]

38. You've done the right thing

The boy is safer now. Yes, he was safe with you but who knows where the mom would've dropped him off next.

[Bozita]

39. Have the police left or are they waiting for the caseworker?

[fun n serious]

40. Police have not left

They are talking to little boy waiting for case worker. My husband made him waffles.

[zellie]

41. Poor Kid...Poor woman...Horrible Situation

terrible

[grasswire]

42. a scene from the 1930s

How I would like to hug that boy and feed him.

May this boy be rescued and kept safe.

I wonder if a fund could be started for him.

[fun n serious]

47. I think the state is going to help him.

Mother was arrested in the wee hrs of morning on prostition charges. Police got moms name from Kayden. Case worker has not arrived yet. Police are waiting and chatting with Kayden. He is happy, likes the attention, they gave him stickers.

[coalition_unwilling]

49. This is like a scene from Theodore Dreiser or Upton Sinclair - n/t

[KamaAina]

164. Or Steinbeck

Funny how so much great American literature revolves around poverty and suffering, isn't it?

[Downwinder]

165. Not just American. Dickens.

[riderinthestorm]

51. A cascade of negative consequences...

[NotThisTime]

54. How awful, I am hopeful something here can be worked out that can help them both, she clearly cannot

care for him at this point, whatever was the cause of their misfortune needs to be addressed. My heart goes out to all of you. Terrible, I'm sorry. I concur with the poster who said don't forget the child... sounds like he might need an adult friend for guidance.

[MrsBrady]

55. thanks for the update

[seabeyond]

58. desperation. i am not surprised with the conclusion. i am sorry for all. child certainly,

but the mom also.

that was so good of you to take the boy in, during this time.

thanks.

glad you had du.

[ZombieHorde]

66. I had a feeling that was what she was doing, but I did not want to say it.

She must love that little boy very much to do that for him.

I really hope she finds the help she needs.

[seabeyond]

89. well said... nt

[yardwork]

70. Mothers turn to prostitution to feed their children. This is so heartbreaking.

Bless you for taking that little boy into your home, feeding him, letting him sleep on your couch, and then calling the police. A lot of people would not have had your courage and kindness.

I wish that I knew you in real life. Your friends and family are lucky to have you.

[DevonRex]

79. +1. Mothers will do anything to feed their

kids. This was undoubtedly her way of giving him up to the state. She couldn't do it herself. So she asked him where a friend lived and dropped him off. She knew he'd be warm and fed and she saw the nice mum and the little friend. One happy evening for her boy.

[dixiegrrrrl]

133. "Mother was arrested in the wee hrs of morning on prostition charges."

Great chance mother is on drugs.
CPS should ( I hope) understand the situation and be able to fill in the background of this child.
Hopefully there are not other siblings in other houses.

I am a Social Worker (ret.) and will add that you were given excellent advice in this thread.
Totally understand how difficult it was to call the authorities, but I also understand the potential for some real negative outcomes for you and your family if you had not called.

Fer instance: what if she had come back, taken the kid, something later happens to the kid and she claims YOU were the last people to have seen him?
( Ever watch Law and Order?)

I hate that there are not any good options for you and your family besides involving the authorities.
reality sucks sometimes.

[crunch60]

57. Not just from the 30's, happening today, 1 in 4 American Children Go Hungry, But Still Spends

Billions On War ! It's a terrible travesty, and if the GOP wins, the problem of hunger will get much worse. There will be many more cuts to social programs that serve hungry families.

[2pooped2pop]

155. grandma probably just got in a fight with her

I gotta say that the moms actions do ring a bell of addiction. Drugs take away a lot of moms from their kids. I hope she gets help and I hope the kid is able to stay with relatives.

[tama]

43. My advice, for what it's worth

Don't forget the child. If you can, keep track and check how he's doing.

[freshwest]

147. Agree. They need someone outside the system. And the son may help this boy in some way, to hold on.

[tama]

150. Yes

And who doesn't need new friends?

And if not possible, no worries.

[choie]

50. My two cents -

I'm a social worker and I would unfortunately recommend that you call child protective services. I hesitate to suggest it, but this seems like a dire circumstance that needs attention as soon as possible.

[lunatica]

52. This must be breaking your heart

It sure is breaking mine.

[fun n serious]

53. How long does it take for a case worker to show up?

Seems like forever, but it is a weekend. I'm really torn. I now have involved a family into a system.. Struggling if I did right. But also reassuring myself that things could have gotten worse for this kid over time. I'm really broke up about this. Police are not leaving untiol case worker arrives. He will be going to a foster home and they have given me a card to give to his mother if she shows up. She was arrested on prostition charges and police said they won't keep her long for that. I just wonder.. did she do this pout of need or is she dependant on drugs? I don't know.

[MrsBrady]

59. you've done the right thing.

I am a mandatory reporter in my state....
so I would have called when he told me he hadn't eaten, not just the sleeping in the park.


It's often scary and sad to know that he has been living this way, but
you did the right thing.

I would have to report it, regardless how I feel about it.

You didn't put him in the system...his mother did that...
on purpose or not...it's not about if she is a good person or not...
it's about the kid and his safety.

[treestar]

77. I wonder if the mother doesn't even understand the system

Could she have gotten food stamps by this point?

She's out there trying to pick up money by prostitution - very entrepreneurial and Rmoney and Ryan would be proud - that's how they think it should be.

[lunatica]

60. I think you should give the child as much reassurance as you can

Try not to let the child see you being distraught or worried. You've done the best you can and more than many other people would do. He will be taken care of now. He will not go hungry again. You're doing the right thing. Be proud that he was left to you and not so someone who would hurt him.

Sometimes life has a way of sending the innocent and the vulnerable to the right people like you. His life will be better.

[fun n serious]

61. Police are playing xbox with him in my living room

Acting as if nothing bad is happening and we are waiting for caseworker.

[MrsBrady]

64. they are doing the right thing too

there's no need to alarm him...

he may get upset when the social worker shows up....
but that is normal and they will know what to do if he does. K?



he obviously needs the food and attention...

[TrogL]

157. Ok, that must be fairly surreal

[kestrel91316]

63. Probably a druggie. She prostitutes to pay for drugs and any leftover goes

for necessities, and apparently there isn't much leftover.

There are many thousands of people just like this in Los Angeles. we seem to grow them here. Their lives just fall apart. Many times there is some sort of mental illness behind the whole mess.

The boy will probably wind up in foster care long-term, just MHO.

[fun n serious]

65. I'm going to be sick. Kayden has been chatting up a storm

With the Police and what he is revealing is so shocking I'm getting sick and want to cry. Trying to hold myself together. CPS 10 minutes away per police.

[MrsBrady]

67. you can do it...

hang in there....

[MANative]

68. Try to hold it together, dear. Chin up for just a few more minutes.

You've done the right thing, without a single doubt.

[riderinthestorm]

72. You've done so good! Hold on. When the social worker gets here, if you need to, then go cry!

Sounds like this family really needs some help....

[DiverDave]

74. God, what a mess...

Please try and keep Kayden in your thoughts, it is a crappy way to learn about the world.
I hope everything works out.

[DevonRex]

85. Don't think of it. Think of the wonderful

evening your family gave to him. And remember that he knew your home was a good one to go to. Your boy would have told him that in small ways.

Kayden will cherish that night at your house. Hold that in your heart as he will in his.

[jackbenimble]

69. You did the right thing.

I feel for her too. She could have truly just wanted a safe place for her kid to sleep while she went out trying to make some money. But look at it this way. What she chooses to expose herself to is one thing, but this child doesn't deserve to be exposed to and put in danger from such a life on the street. She could have left him at a police station or a fire house or even a hospital and he would have been taken into protective services for his own good. Instead, she knocked on the door of a stranger and left her defenseless child there. What if you or your husband had been a child molester? What if you or someone in your home was a danger to a child? What if she didn't care? If she is prostituting herself on the street how long until she is pimping her child? Yes, that is extreme and not likely but she passed the first test, the willingness to just up and leave her child with a random stranger. It can go downhill fast from there.

[yardwork]

73. That's a good point.

[NotThisTime]

80. The kid wasn't in a safe situation, you did the right thing. When the State gets involved they try

to reunited the child with the parent, and they offer help to the parent to make that happen. The parent has to want to help themselves though. The best you can do is talk to the caseworker about becoming a foster yourself if you want. If could take 3 hours for the caseworker to arrive, thereabouts. There are few people on call over the weekend and you don't know where they are coming from or what else they are dealing with. Of course this tears you up, you would never do this to your child, and you don't want to see it done to someone elses. But I will reiterate, he's not in a good place as it is. Talk to the social worker when they arrive about options maybe you might have to be a positive influence. If you've not heard of CASA they are an advocacy group for children in care, outside non-legal advocates. There aren't enough CASA volunteers to go around for these kids. There aren't enough homes for these kids either. He's lucky he's young though, they will stand a better chance at placement for him.

[cpamomfromtexas]

71. You are a fine writer, we can understand you. That's what matters. And glad you are protecting the

boy. Bless you.

[Downwinder]

76. If I were religious on a Sunday morning, I would say

that Kayden's mom was divinely guided when she picked your house.

[fun n serious]

78. Thats what my friend Robin said.

CPS took kayden.

[renate]

84. I hope he and his mom will somehow *both* be fed and warm tonight

A woman willing to be a prostitute to try to feed her child is not a bad mother, in my opinion. She was utterly without good choices. I'm just stunned by her bravery... to present herself at your door and tell you and her child that she's just going out to the store, so believably that you had no suspicion of what she was about to do, so that her son would have no idea either... I can't begin to imagine what must have been going through her mind, especially if this was her first time doing it. (And if she'd had a place to stay till last night, maybe it really was.)

I'm sorry you were put in this very difficult position. I think you handled it wonderfully (your son and husband sound like sweethearts, too) and it's great that Kayden got a good meal and a good night's sleep in a place he felt safe. You gave him a wonderful gift and you got the process started to get him even more help.

You did good.

[JohnnyLib2]

87. I am so glad it was your door.

This old therapist says Kayden will remember the nice lady for a long, long time.

[fun n serious]

94. I feel kayden was incredibly lucky that is was my door

I still feel horrible about calling the police and I have no idea why. I also hate to think about what would have been had it not been my door. He pooped his pants and says he can not hold it. I think the police should have been involved a long time ago and hate that it was me who had to call. I'm now worried about mom showing up and me giving her this card.

[MrsBrady]

105. you know...

she probably expected you to call the police...really.
It was probably her trying either on purpose or a subconscious
effort to get him out of the situation she was in.
Or simply to get rid of him. Just my theory.

Usually and addict and/or prostitute's (and prostitution can become an addiction) first loyalty
is to their next fix.

I personally doubt she will come back...but if she does, just give her the card.
Did they give you any other suggestions on what to do if she comes back?...
because personally, I would just give her the card and not talk with her any further as
to not escalate the situation...and be ready to call 911 if necessary.

Lots of boys/kids under stress aren't potty trained or can't hold it why they sleep.

He's not had it easy, but things will be better for him in the long run...
you did the right thing, even if it's hard to deal with the emotion of it all.

[fun n serious]

115. She still has not shown up

When and if she does, I'll give her the card and tell her I hope they can help her. With phone in my hand.

[Downwinder]

117. If she is in custody, won't they let her know what has transpired?

In so many places in this country, the only way to get social services is through the law enforcement system.

[fun n serious]

119. I just spoke to police. Mom was informed. and Kayden is now with his grandmother.

CPS will monitor the child but he is with his grandmother.

[dixiegrrrrl]

134. Ok...good news, then, hopefully.

He is in familar surroundings, you are relieved of burden of telling Mom anything.
And, of course to protect the child's privacy, I assume "Kayden" is not his real name.

It will most likely take a little while for you to work out all your feelings about this situation, understandably.
You did the very best you could do given the circumstances and realities, truly.

[polly7]

143. Good job, Fun

I'm so glad things turned out and that she dropped him off with you.

[2pooped2pop]

156. if shes doing crack she won't be back for several days

I think this just sucks. You did what you had to do. You tried to hold out but she left you no choice. The child was going to see more and more of this behavior until someone stopped it. It would have escalated and really screwed him up.

Hopefully she is able to get things straightened out or have a family member raise him until she can. But what was she gonna do when he crapped his pants out in the cold? She couldn't take care of him this way.

What is eating my soul now is just thinking about the huge numbers of kids and families going through this kind of thing. Poverty, drugs, street life. It hurts my soul.

If mom comes back, don't let her pin it on you. Pin it back on her. What did she think would happen when she left her child with a stranger while she went out and got herself arrested?
If she is not hostile encourage her to go get the help she needs.

I hated that it came to this as I am no fan of CPS. But there was no option legally or morally. Don't beat yourself up over it. He will be warm this winter.

[nadine_mn]

138. I agree with this

She may have been too afraid to get help or turn herself in, but knew someone else would and just wanted her kid to be safe because she could no longer do it.

[fun n serious]

81. kayden told police

Let me warn you.. I'm dumb. My moms boyfriend always says I'm dumb. He kicks me and forces me to learn to box him.

[grasswire]

82. her boyfriend, or her pimp?

So the child has been abused. He will be safe now. Safe, and warm, and fed.

Thank you a million times over.

[MrsBrady]

83. hugs to you

and

prayers and blessings for little Kayden

[Tsiyu]

86. Bless you

for that little boy's sake.

I know this is all such a mess to be dropped at your feet, but you are doing the right thing.

Not just to you, but to all DUers, there is a dire need for foster families right now. With the right family, Kayden can be safe, go to school, eat regularly, while Mom cleans up her act. There is a stipend paid as well, so if any of you are not working, are good with kids and have a spare bedroom, it's something to consider. My place is too rundown, no proper utilities right now, or I'd be a foster parent today.

You would not believe how many great kids are just shuffled here and there. In some places they just end up in juvie. We need to have programs for parents with problems, but we REALLY need more foster homes

If she was a real horrible person, she might have taken him along while she was turning tricks, but she tried to find him someplace safe. Maybe she asked her son who on the street also had kids and were kind. She wasn't trying to abandon him, I don't believe.

Bless you immensely for caring about a stranger's child. I hope he finds a good family to shelter him until mom can work out her life.

[Corgigal]

88. and just something to consider

in the back of your mind. If you want to you can ask the casework how you can become a foster parent. This is in case you decide you Kayden to stay with you, then you will have some extra income and the child will be protected. It's up to you and it's a big decision but if it will make you feel better then its another avenue to consider.

[fun n serious]

96. So many emotions

I'm thinking about our country in crises and how it just slapped me in the face how hard times have gotten. Who else besides kayden is this happening to? I would get attached to easily. I could not be a foster parent.

[NotThisTime]

100. Be a Casa advocate... it's not easy work to foster or advocate but it's up to those of us

who are in a position to help these children, it is hard, sometimes awful, sometimes heartbreaking but it is rewarding, we were a foster until there was a crisis in our own immediate family. I hope to be able to do it again.

[skygazer]

90. This is heartbreaking

You did the right thing and it sounds like the police were incredibly compassionate and wise in their handling of it. Poor little boy! And I feel much compassion for his mother too. Whatever her story, it seems she was trying to help her son. It's a rough world out there. I hope the best for all.

[Quantess]

91. You write fine!

Best of luck to everyone involved.

[fun n serious]

92. I just finished a long talk with my own 9 year old about what just happend.

Kayden told the Police..it all started when I was a baby and my dad tried to murder me and my mom cuz he was jealous. I sleep at the park. He was able to give last names of mom and other family but doent know how they are spelled. He said my grandma kicked us out becuase my mom brings different boyfriends to the house. I'm sooo sad I'm shaking.

[mnhtnbb]

93. You absolutely did the right thing. What a sad situation. I just finished

Guardian ad litem training (advocate for abused/neglected children) and decided
I couldn't really take it on. Here in NC, it's totally volunteer work and can require
hours and hours of time meeting with kids, social workers, foster parents, teachers,
visiting parental home, writing reports and going to court on behalf of the child.

You've done what you can now to help Kayden get into a situation where
he will be sheltered and protected.

You've done a good thing today.

[longship]

95. Stay close with your family tonight.

And give thanks. Send some good thoughts towards Kayden.

In the meantime DU will be here. I will come back to this thread. But you need your family, and they need you. Love works.

And we love you, too.

[fun n serious]

97. Thank you DU and everyone.

I need a good cry.

[longship]

98. That's what families are for.

We are all with you.



But, my dear fun n serious, you did a truly wonderful thing today. No matter how sad you may be, that young boy's life will be better because of you and your family.

That is something to be happy about.

[NotThisTime]

101. Yes you do, and maybe many of them.

My heart goes out to you, not looking for this to have happened in your life but there you were, you've done the right thing, but it is heartbreaking. We need to hope he finds a loving foster home, they are not all that way I'm sad to say.

[handmade34]

104. no words... just a virtual hug

you can cry now...

I used to shelter abused women and children.... we all need to be in this together

[MrsBrady]

106. take care of yourself....

is your husband supportive?

[SammyWinstonJack]

108. ...

[elleng]

111. Thank YOU, fun, from this little society.

[Smickey]

99. The world is confused

and confusing. It is hard to know for sure sometimes that the actions we take are the right ones. Here is a fact. To care for the innocent the best we can is never wrong. I believe you did a very good job with the situation and I commend you for it. Well done. Your Karma cup is now full. Good luck to you.

One other thing, I think you write very well and should do more of it.

[vanlassie]

103. Well Done, Fun and Serious

The universe reached out to you to help and you responded perfectly. On behalf of that sweet little boy...well done.

[slackmaster]

109. You have an abandoned child in your custody.

Edited to say you did the right thing by calling CPS.

[fun n serious]

110. He's in CPS custody now..

I hope he will be ok. Still no sign of mom.

[oregonjen]

113. What an incredibly sad situation

Thank you for helping that little boy!

[slackmaster]

114. I believe he has a much better chance with CPS than with his own mother

I'm sure she's been taken advantage of and victimized herself, but she's clearly not capable of taking care of her child. I hope she gets the help she needs and stays out of jail.

[slackmaster]

118. What you did was very kind and compassionate. I salute you!

I could never have done that myself.

A stray cat or dog, sure. Someone else's child, no way.

[fun n serious]

120. They found mom, she was in jail.. Kayden is with grandmother. nt.

[slackmaster]

123. Sadly, that does not surprise me at all

I hope Kayden is well cared for.

[Tuesday Afternoon]

125. Perhaps you can stay in touch with the Grandmother and offer some assistance in

various ways....

[fun n serious]

128. Yes.

That is my plan, Kayden is 2 years younger than my son and I have tons of good clothes and coats that would fit him. Thats a start. The officer would not give me kayden's grandmothers phone number but he said he would pass on m ine to her.

[Tuesday Afternoon]

130. I hope she calls you. Good luck to all

[Dystopian]

144. fun n serious

You are living proof that angels walk among us....
Heartfelt thanks for the love and caring that you gave from your heart to Kayden.
You are also feeling for his mother...
She is a victim also...

You are an inspiration....
I know that you have experienced trauma throughout this...
Let the tears flow ...
Peace within ... knowing that you were the chosen one.
The angel that gave Kayden and his mother a new start in life...

I truly hope that his grandmother will call you...
Knowing that Kayden will be wrapped in the love and kindness of the clothing that you gave to your own son.
Thank you for being you.

I am in tears ....
Will keep Kayden and his mother in my thoughts with you.



Much peace & love to you and your family~

[NotThisTime]

135. He says he was living with Grandmother before when this was going on, I would question why he is

back with her, that means Mom and her Boyfriend will come right back in tow, doing the same thing they've done to this child previously.

[Tsiyu]

151. Not likely

Now that CPS is involved, they will be monitoring the home with visits, and they will have meetings with Mom ( if she makes it to meetings ) and Grandma. They will interview teachers and other family members. There may be physical/mental/substance abuse evaluations.

They will come up with a Parenting Plan, hopefully find a treatment program for mom, and have regular family court reviews to be sure everyone is complying with judges orders and the parenting plan.

Sometimes, knowing they are being monitored, AND getting real help with their situation, helps a parent straighten up.

There will be other help available and if Grandma's place proves to be unsafe, the child will be moved.

There is hope now for this little family. Taking him to Grandma's may be far better than sending him to strangers at this point.

[K8-EEE]

152. Kudos to you fun n serious

You're a wonderful person. I hate to say it but a lot of people would have been like, hey lady this isn't my problem.

[madmom]

122. Although I am reading this thread well after things have quieted, I want to

commend you, fun n serious, for being such a strong, compassionate person. You did something today that will probably change someone's life for the better. My children are grown, but if they had ever needed someone in their life like that, I would have wished it were you. You are a credit to the human race, hold your head high. And yes do have that good cry, you deserve that too!

[fun n serious]

126. Thank you. Thank you all.

I still feel this sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. I keep telling myself Kayden will be OK. I would never leave my child with a stranger for 10 minutes. But, I've never walked in her shoes and I don't know what this young mom is going through. I feel for her too. I hope our economy gets better so peoples lives will improve. I keep thinking.. Wow and Romney wants more of this in our country. That sick bastard. He has no empathy for this woman and her child or the many people suffering in our country and geez.. Those young girls in China,. As you can see.. a swarm of thoughts are running through my mind. I'm in but I'm going to get everyone I know to vote. The down ticket matters too.

[TuxedoKat]

145. Thank you for helping this child

One thing I thought of, did you advise the social worker what Kayden told you and the police about the boyfriend making him box with him? Maybe there should be a restraining order against the boyfriend so he can't come to the grandmother's house or anywhere else near Kayden.

[applegrove]

136. Get the authorities involved right away. The child will go into emergency foster care

where he will not be traumatized by not eating and sleeping outside. That woman needs help only the city can provide. And she will get her child back once she has a place for them to live.

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

139. This has been done - see the earlier posts.

Poor kid - he's with his grandmother now, mom's in jail for prostitution. Hope there's help for him.

[applegrove]

141. Vibes to the little guy.

[GreenPartyVoter]

137. Wow. Just wow. My heart hurts for everyone involved. I hope that

things work out for the best for everyone.

[nadine_mn]

140. You did the right thing

I am so glad other DU posters where here to help guide you through this tough situation. I have been offline all day otherwise I would have butted in sooner with the same advice as many here.

I have worked as a domestic violence advocate and an advocate for abused elders - both have involved making calls to child protection/or adult protection for vulnerable adults.

Those calls were never easy. Fortunately, my work allowed me to meet the very case workers I would later be calling so I would know more about what happens next. There are soooo many horror stories I know, which scares the crap out of people from calling a system originally set up to help.

Most of the time, kids are placed with relatives, parents get hooked up with services needed to provide a stable home. A stable home with the bio family is a lot easier and cheaper on the state (cycnical view but the truth). Sometimes its frustrating because nothing happens, sometimes its scary because not enough happens or kids are taken from mom. I have met the occasional case worker with an agenda - but those are so rare, but enough to give the rest a bad name.


You are a good person who did a good thing - I am sorry you had to, it must have broken your heart. But please know you did the right thing.

[bluesbassman]

142. Just got home and saw this thread. You did a good thing fun n serious.

I can imagine how much your heart is aching, but think about this: You may have saved that boy's life last night when you took him in, and certainly he is better off now than he has been for some time.

Well done.

[TreasonousBastard]

146. Just found this thread and think you are just wonderful for doing the right thing...

My mother was similarly abandoned during the Depression, when there was no Child Protective Services or any other help. She didn't talk about it much, but did once mention how she and her brother walked the railroad tracks picking up coal that fell off the trains. That's how they heated their little shack.

They were lucky, and were taken in by some very good people and lived the rest of their lives well. The truth is that he good outweigh the bad by a large margin, but don't always know what to do. With a little bit of love and common sense, Kayden will do just fine.

Her mother is another story, but I see no need to excoriate her. In her desperation she did the best thing she could think of for her son, and it looks like it's working out. It could have been worse. Much worse.

[freshwest]

148. Came in late to the thread... Proud of you, your son, your husband. The world needs more like you.

[UnrepentantLiberal]

153. You did a very good thing.

Your writing is fine.

[myrna minx]

159. You are an angel. I'm grateful there are people like you in this world.

I hope Kayden is in good care with his gran.

[lumberjack_jeff]

160. Late to the party, just gotta say one thing.

Well done. You rock.

Okay, two things.

[Javaman]

161. I just read the entire heartbreaking thread.

You did good.

The kid is safe.



If there ever was a need in our society for a new Steinbeck, I can't think of one.

[Land Shark]

162. Kids: if you get lost, find a mom with kids and ask for help

The reply title above is common advice parents give to kids - it's not a bad bet at all to trust a mom (or dad) with kids, especially when you are in need of some immediate assistance like directions or such. IF NECESSARY, of course. Not necessarily disagreeing with everything else written above, I would only say that if one had a pressing, legitimate need to suddenly "go to work" and had to leave one's kids with someone, it was not an unreasonable decision to trust fun n serious: she's a mom with kids, a decent house, an opportunity to informally "interview" her in person, etc. What's unreasonable is the addiction or whatever it is that creates such apparently forced choices in the first place.

In other words, while the situation never should happen, the problem is with whatever forced the mom, (or caused her to feel forced even if she wasn't) into making such an extemporaneous child care decision, and not fully communicating with fun n serious as well.

Fun n serious probably gave better care for the child (even alerting appropriate authorities) than virtually anyone else would have, and I don't think that was dumb luck. So while the mom here is likely in a whole world of hurt for reasons I'm not addressing here, I think she can be credited with some good sense in the selection of fun n serious. This seems appropriate given how much criticism and worse this mom will receive in many other areas.

[In_The_Wind]

163. Thank you for caring enough to help that child to a better future.

[img][/img]

[easttexaslefty]

166. You did a really good thing.