A bit of a Thanksgiving story - and what we've been through since late August.
I don't post in the Lounge much - actually I haven't posted much here at DU this year because it is all so bizarre I don't even know what to say most of the time.
But the coming holiday is a good time to share the challenging adventure my wife and I - and our daughter and grandson - have been living in throughout 2025, and especially, since late August. I will try to make it concise.
My wife and I were blessed with a rather surprise grandson on Dec 27 of last year. Our daughter is 40 and has had a tough go of it - she is an anorexia survivor (at 17 and 18) - but a bad marriage (divorce a few years ago) and another bad relationship (thankfully not a marriage, but a baby) has been tough on us all - both our daughters have "broken pickers"! My wife and I have been blissfully married for 45 years, but as we told our girls, there is a lot of luck in who one meets.
Anyway, Eli came along - he is just absolutely wonderful - just so much fun, and so interesting for two people who never expected to be grandparents to watch his development. Our daughter has worked mostly full time since the birth, and since my wife and I live about 20 minutes away and are retired (nearly 70!), we watch our grandson daily from very early morning until dinner time. It is wonderful - and yes, exhausting.
Our daughter's boyfriend has done some shady things - but the shadiest was in August when he demanded she and our grandson attend a concert an hour or so away - he has an anger issue, a substance abuse issue (both drugs and alcohol), and seems to be a narcissistic psychopath, a gaslighter who has severe issues with the truth. Our daughter said no - he said if she doesn't come, the relationship is over (she lived with him in his house). She want, but he got very drunk and verbally abusive afterward - she feared for her and our grandson's safety so took him and came to our house - essentially leaving the boyfriend.
He became irate - sent 2 days of abusive texts (including a death threat to me) - we decided to file criminal complaints, and for protective orders - and we are all done with him (none of us responded to his texts or calls). Our older daughter did some research and found he has a 15 year record of DUIs and former abusive relationships, as well as another child he has never seen.
We have been through lawyers, trials, court cases - it has been really challenging. He hired an ambulance chaser lawyer who took my daughter apart on the stand with the boyfriends' lies - he claimed she has had affairs, a drinking problem, etc. The judge apparently thought both were at fault, so the protective order was not granted.
They are now in a trial custody agreement - he gets his son approx 20% of the time each month, but he is still with us the rest.
The whole ordeal has shaken my confidence in our legal system - in men (which was already low confidence anyway) - in how his parents could keep protecting the son with their endless money. I know we are by far not the only ones going through this.
But here we are about to celebrate Thanksgiving. We are thankful for our grandson - that is the best thing to come out of the awful relationship. But we have our daughter and grandson living with us nearly full time - we are in a pretty small house, and didn't see this coming of course.
But as my wife says - (she is so wise) - one day at a time.
We are hoping 2026 brings smoother sailing.
All of the above really took our minds off politics, for sure - maybe that is another thing to be thankful for!
Thanks for listening - and for your friendship, DU pals.
If any legal people here, or others with similar experiences, have any advice for dealing with a vile narcissistic person who is sadly in their lives, let us know. We feel like just waiting for him to screw up could be a risk for when he is caring for our grandson.
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Definitely be thankful for the good parts!
I have seen more of these relationship situations in my life than not, sadly. I agree that a lot of it has to do with parents and a system that promotes immunity for males and complete responsibility for everything placed on females. My parents, all four of them, and most of my siblings have had similar relationship experiences with and without children. Most of my relationships have been brief, ended as soon as the misogyny started showing up... I don't wait long to bail, less sense of 'possession' that way and easier to move on for everyone, usually.
There are those who are narcissists and they are a big social problem, as we can see with one in the WH who managed to find a large collection of other social miscreants to wrest power over the rest of us with impunity.
That's a big thing we need to fix as a people. I suggest empowering women to find and execute the solutions. Men have a pretty crappy track record for running things.
But I digress, my advice is to record and document all interactions, interview the grandson upon return from dad visits. Keeping a paper trail, so to speak, is crucial. Otherwise, carry on with life and, as your wise wife says, "one day at a time' is the best philosophy when answers seem elusive.
Ubiquitous in our society.
At 3am this morning I called the sheriff to break up the fighting couple who had been banging and screaming, along with two loudly squeaking chihuahuas since around 7:30 pm. Their bedroom is on the other side of the wall in the closet in my bedroom. They were making my apartment shake, the whole thing. I finally got to sleep around 5am after they sheriffs left. I think they took one or both of them
away.
I hate apartments for this very reason, well, neighbors in general. I am not doing the traditional dinner thing with anyone this year. Instead, I am moving, with great pleasure, into a senior housing complex in a quiet location, all ground level, no loud fighting or drug addicts... most just keep to themselves, like me.
Have a nice holiday, your family sounds like a pleasure to celebrate with, I'm sure it will be fulfilling.
I started this relocation process last April, finally going to be over by the end of next week. That is what I'm thankful for including with all those who have helped me along the way.
person to continue their threatening behavior. It has got to be very tough going through this for you guys! Hope it works out for you all. Watching a family member getting hurt is awful. Hope you guys have a good Thanksgiving. 
