FLORIDA WOMAN CALLS 911 OVER "CANADIAN BACON SCAM" -- INSISTS COUNTRY DOESN'T EVEN HAVE BACON
A Florida woman is facing charges after police say she called 911 from inside a grocery store to report what she believed was an international breakfast fraud.
According to authorities in Tampa Bay, the woman dialed emergency services after spotting a package labeled “Canadian Bacon” in the refrigerated meat section.
Her issue?
She reportedly believed the entire label was a scam.
Dispatch records show the woman told the operator the store was “selling fake bacon and misleading customers.”
When the dispatcher asked her to clarify the emergency, the caller allegedly replied:
“Canada doesn’t even have bacon. This is clearly false advertising.”
Employees at the grocery store told responding officers the woman had been standing in the meat aisle arguing loudly with staff for several minutes before calling 911.
Witnesses say she repeatedly demanded a manager and insisted the product labeling “violated international truth laws.”
According to police, the woman reportedly told store workers that if the product was truly Canadian bacon, then “Canada would have to be made of pigs.”
When officers arrived, they attempted to explain that Canadian bacon is simply a style of cured pork commonly sold in the United States.
The explanation reportedly did not calm the situation.
Police say the woman insisted the label was “a breakfast conspiracy.”
At one point, officers say she pointed at the package and asked them:
“So where exactly in Canada are the bacon farms?”
Authorities say the incident escalated when she demanded officers “confiscate the bacon as evidence.”
The woman was ultimately arrested for misuse of the 911 system after investigators determined there was no emergency.
Police say the grocery store declined to press additional charges but did ask the woman to leave the premises.
As for the bacon?
Officers confirmed it remains fully legal and available for purchase.
Authorities say the incident is now being referred to internally as “The Great Canadian Bacon Investigation.”
https://www.facebook.com/TheDudeHumorReport/posts/florida-woman-calls-911-over-canadian-bacon-scam-insists-country-doesnt-even-hav/1514190283398492/
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I hate myself!
I didn't realize it was true.
... is brine-cured, and comes as a full loin with a coating of pea meal, I think, though it might be corn meal. I haven't had it in quite a while, but the taste is heavenly. For some idiotic reason, you can't get the real thing down here; they'll confiscate it if you're caught trying to bring it into this country, but it has been done, heh, heh, heh. And I believe it's harder to find north of the border now, too, because it's expensive to make. What you get down here is a poor imitation of the real thing. It is pork loin, but the curing process is a standard industrial procedure.
And that woman should definitely NOT be allowed to roam around without adult supervision; she's dumber than a bag of hammers, but that's what happens when cousins marry. Gotta love Floriduh.
On edit: It has been reported that this story was satirical, but the sad thing is that it's entirely plausible; there really are people with room-temperature IQs running around loose. I've encountered them more than once, and don't too close to one; such a virulent strain of stupid is probably contagious. They all voted for Trump.
The part about authentic Canadian bacon is real; the rest is 
