The weight is heavy. And it's different for men than it is for women.

[LuckyCharms]

It's not worse, it's different.

We are expected to be "men". To be strong. To be providers. To not cry. I don't even know what the fuck to post anymore. I try to take a break because I don't want to spread negativity, but I'm drawn back here.

I think I have a good reputation here, maybe. I have a great reputation in real life. Because I pretend. I've pulled people out of the depths of despair.

It's hard for me as a man to say I need some help. It makes me feel weak. I don't have any flesh and blood anymore that I can just fucking hang onto. I can't do it to my spouse. Have to keep the home life safe, because that's all I have at this point. I can't fuck that up. My whole existence is predicated on being strong.

Depression is a motherfucker. Sorry about this. I just pretend here. I'm the great pretender.

I know some of you feel the same too.

I've been struggling through this bullshit for 26 years.

[Bread and Circuses]

1. We're all hiding the heartbreak to hold on for all of us.

[Walleye]

2. I do feel the same, I'm lucky to still hav my 2 brothers close

But it seems like I’m spending most of my concentration trying to keep from damaging myself somehow I tuned77 and that just smacked me in the face. The big seven seven. It was pretty scary being alone at this point. I get anxiety attacks as well as depression. Good luck hang onto yourself that important thing and be careful.

[chia]

3. ❤️ You are not alone. Sending you love and understanding. You're among friends known and unknown.

So glad you reached out today, there are many here ready and willing to grab your hand.

[BlueWaveNeverEnd]

4. ..

[Marthe48]

5. I've been depressed and anxious for most of my life

I was down in my teen years, and then met the love of my life. We got through one shock after another, and the depression was manageable. I had a hysterectomy that I didn't want in 1996. I went through surgical menopause and ended up as depressed or worse than in my teens. The doctor gave me some medicine. I took it for awhile and gained a lot of weight. I've been overweight most of my life. I had quit smoking and lost that weight just a few years before the surgery, and it all came back. Smoking didn't, so that was a plus. I didn't feel like the medicine was doing any good, so I quit taking it. I know my emotional/physical baseline is feeling low, and I accept that that's something always lurking. I have a birthmark on the palm of my right hand, and along with depression, that's part of me.

I'm more open about my outlook now, and people are surprisingly understanding. I think the anxiety is harder to cope with. My oldest grandchild started driving last year and I was having a lot of physical symptoms. Neither depression or anxiety stays in its own lane, does it? I had lost about 50 pounds during Covid, and thought this time it'd stay off. But I was so anxious, I asked my current doctor for anti-anxiety, and most of the weight came back as soon as I started taking it. I found ways to cope with how I was feeling, and stopped taking Buspar. The kid is a careful driver and once I rode with them, I was relieved. All of my brothers died in car accidents decades apart. The first loss is probably the root of the rest of how I live, always waiting for another shoe to drop. Anyway, I can still function, even if I'm dragging a ball and chain. On days that it gets the better of me, I take it easy. I have a bubble, and I stay in the bubble. Even on DU, I stay in the bubble.

There are differences. There is depression, sadness, grief, feeling down, feeling blue, being lonely. All of those can ov erlay depression, that black pit that lives in my chest. My husband burned some CDs for me years ago. I have one that has all of my favorite sad songs. I play that one and usually get over anything but the depression by the last song.

I don't even know any more if there are cures for depression or if all us, male or female, have to find our own way. I hope we can all lift each other and we never drop too far down.

[Diamond_Dog]

6. I echo chia's post #3. Lots of us are pretenders in life.

Boy, if we had a functioning government that actually did its job and funded basic services and actually helped people, that would be a great start. Living in the USA feels like we’re all being held hostage.

You aren’t alone, Lucky.

[delisen]

7. You are right. Men are forced to play a role

and so are women.
.But we are all humans and individuals . It is when those societal expectations become straitjackets and interfere with our right to be fully human that sorrow and unhappiness, normal conditions, become pervasive and seem to crowd out every other emotion.

Human beings need to give and receive help. And that is who we all are

I you may be the great pretender but you have also pulled me out of the sorrow pit several times and changed my day for the better.

Thank you.

[Skittles]

8. I don't see it that way

PLENTY of us refused to play those ridiculous roles

[multigraincracker]

9. We love and respect you here.

[Rizen]

10. Get on medicine.

I was chronically depressed for about 15 years. I got on a lot of medicine with weight gain as a side effect that made me balloon up to 280lbs and had 5 family members die including my mom who died of cancer. But things do eventually get better. I'm down to 210lbs now. A big part of that was getting on medicine. My advice though is if you start to gain weight talk to your doctor about getting on a different medicine immediately.

[markie]

11. you are safe here

we here love you
we understand you
we care
we accept you just as you are
please know this is all true

[sagetea]

12. Lucky...

You are brave.You are brave to acknowledge your depression and pretend to be ok.

I'm with you, supporting you. I'm in the crowd cheering you on, I truly am! women are different, for sure. Women can be so vicious. The worst is when they betray each other, you know? And, for some reason, when women do horrible things, I get more angry at them.

I admire people on here, you included, so I talk like we're friends, and ya'll have to put up with my bouts of anger...

I have quietly read and followed you (and a few others) for 20+years. You are brilliant! And if that 20 yrs. is pretending...you should be acting!

you have inspired me. Many times, in fact!

Wish I could pretend...wouldn't be so cringy then.

sage

[NNadir]

13. The weight is heavier...

...if you have a friend threatening to punch you in the eye when you're feeling depressed.

So certainly, as a friend, I will only threaten to punch you in the gut today.

You may, in response, threaten to punch me in the chest, perhaps to straighten out my problematic heart valve.

I would say, my good friend, that in these times, if you're not depressed, you're not paying attention.

Depression is, in fact, different, but the same, for everyone, man, woman, child and gender neutral. My experience is that each case is unique and special, but the underlying facts, whether biochemical or experiential are the same.

One of the things that goes, strangely enough, with depression, I've noted over the years, is a magnificent sense of humor, for which you are an apotheosis.

I'm sorry to offer jokes when you're feeling down, but I have advised my sons that if they don't make jokes at my funeral, I will rise from the dead and kick their asses.

You have a sense of humor, a magnificent one.

Therefore...

...May I recommend David Bromberg's "You have to suffer if you want to sing the blues."

It's "music therapy."