"I won't give 'em the satisfaction." This was part of my family's reaction (or non-reaction) to an affront, insult or
Last edited Fri Jun 12, 2026, 08:13 AM - Edit history (3)
low level fuck-up. My family was Italian descent and I grew up in an Italian N.J. neighborhood. I heard it there from time to time. Then I heard it on an episode of the Sopranos.
So I got to wondering if this was a regional thing or do other parts of the country not "give 'em the satisfaction."
This came up in relating a story about my family. It took place, probably in the '30s. My grandparents lived in suburban N.J., 15 miles from N.Y.C. Aunt Ellen lived in The Bronx. My grandmother grew tomatoes, corn, lettuce and stuff in her yard. When Aunt Ellen and her family would visit, they were sent home with a burlap bag of veggies.
When my grandparents and family went to see Aunt Ellen, they were given a burlap bag of stuff from the distribution center in the south Bronx. Bananas, coconuts and stuff not readily available in Summit.
So now I have to explain the logistics of a trip from Summit to the Bronx. You took the trolly to the train station. Then you got on the train to Hoboken. Next, you took the ferry from Hoboken to N.Y.C. From there, you took the 8th Ave El(evated) north, and then transferred to another tube to the Bronx.
Reverse this, going home or visiting from The Bronx to N.J. It was an ordeal of several hours and was done once every other year or so.
One time, the bag coming from The Bronx was particularly heavy. When it was emptied, there was a rock on the bottom. What the hell?
Well, the same rock was placed in the bag going back to The Bronx at Aunt Ellen's next visit.
The story is that the rock made several trips back and forth from Summit, N.J. to The Bronx.
In relating this story to my wife, she asked, Instead of traveling the rock, why not call Aunt Ellen and ask, "What's with the rock?"
I explained that my grandmother didn't want to give Ellen "the satisfaction." At first, that made sense to me.
On further reflection, it was probably one of my uncles that put the rock in the bag in the first place and Aunt Ellen didn't want to give my grandmother "the satisfaction."
I am planning to post other family stories on D.U. as part of my Brain Droppings. I hope you enjoy them.