Study: Crying Not Linked To What You Said But The Way You Said It

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SATIRE

June 12, 2026

BLOOMINGTON, IN—Scientists may be one step closer to answering the question of whether you are ineloquent or just an asshole after participants in a study of your communication skills confirmed Friday that their crying was not linked to what you said, but to the way you said it. “The words themselves aren’t mean, but your harsh tone makes us feel like you think we’re stupid,” said visibly distressed sources, adding that they would never even consider talking to you like that. “There is so much judgment in your voice when you say stuff like, ‘Oh, you actually went to the gym today,’ or when you ask if we’re gonna change clothes before going out. And sometimes you add a little laugh like it’s a joke but it’s not a joke. It’s embarrassing to cry over trivial bullshit, but can you please just, like, try to be kinder?” Following the study’s conclusion, participants announced their intention to examine whether you talk to your boss like this or just the people you claim to love.

https://theonion.com/study-crying-not-linked-to-what-you-said-but-the-way-you-said-it/