I have come to help solve the nations fruitcake dilemma.

[MichaelSoE]

Now that the holiday season is upon us the annual gifting of fruitcake is about to run rampant again.

Most people do not realize that in actuality there are only 3,487 fruitcakes in existence. They are circulated throughout the country in perpetuity. That package arrives in the mail ... oh no ... it's another fruit cake from Aunt Molly!! That makes the 4th one in as many years. Save it, we'll send it to Nana next year as a present.

Do you put it in the cupboard with the others, not daring to eat it nor throw it out?

Well if you, like the vast majority of Americans, hate fruitcake and am finding yourself overwhelmed with the amount of fruitcake you are storing, I am offering a solution.

Send me a message, citing the brand of fruitcake and how many you have, and I will send you my address so you can mail it to me for disposal.

I am sorry but due to the sheer weight I am unable to pay for the postage. If you can't afford the postage either keep in mind that they do make handy door stops and if cut into smaller, manageable slabs, excellent paper weights.

[sarge43]

1. It's a little known fact that the Roman legions used fruit cake as catapult ammo.

An example has been passed down through my family line. The SPQR stamp is still visible.