For my friend Denninmi

[Tobin S.]

I have bipolar disorder. I identified myself as one who has a mental illness a long time ago on DU. I naturally feel strongly about the issue. The Mental Health Support Group was my idea and with the help of some like minded DUers we got it set up. That was in November of 2005. I used to post under the user name Droopy until May of 2009. I've been a member here since March of 2003. The name change was legit. The Droopy account is closed. I do not have any sock puppets. Tobin is my real name.

What I just did in that first paragraph frightens the hell out of a lot of people, even on an internet message board. I'm not talking about people who are afraid of those of us who have a mental illness. I'm talking about the mentally ill themselves. It's the very reason why I don't say such things where I work and to acquaintances I don't know very well. I'm not really "out" about my illness. It's because of the social stigma that goes with being open about being mentally ill.

The fact that most people who know me don't know that I'm mentally ill should say something to you guys. One thing is that the fear of being ostracized is based in reality unlike some of those delusions I used to experience. I know it from first hand experience. I'm not guessing. Two people in my time asked me if I was going to hurt them after I told them I was mentally ill. They were frightened by their own misguided preconceptions.

Another thing about most people knowing me not knowing that I'm mentally ill should say to you is that it doesn't show. You would have no clue that I'm sick if you didn't know it and I were to start up a conversation with you somewhere. My psychiatrist has told me that, too. But that doesn't mean I'm special. That's actually the way most mentally ill people who are being treated come across. They seem normal and they are aside from the meds they take and/or the talk therapy they go to. Most of them want the same things in life that you want and they are doing their best to be good people.

I have a full time job. I'm married and we are trying to have a child. I go to college half time- I'm a junior and I'm getting 'A's. I vote in every election and every time I vote a straight Democratic ticket. I have a mortgage and a car payment, unfortunately, but I do have a good credit score. I don't own any guns and have no desire for them. My biggest fear is losing my job. I take medication and I probably will for the rest of my life unless they manage to come up with a cure for bipolar disorder. I'm not holding my breath. I suffered excruciating mental torment for ten years and the only person I had any intention of killing at any point was myself. I've been well since June of 2003. My wife and I love each other more than anything. Peace.

[Aristus]

1. Bravo, Tobin. Well-said.

I hope Denninmi sees this.

[Tobin S.]

2. I think he's lurking.

Thank you.

[HarveyDarkey]

8. I hope he is and sees this

I've not responded to his posts much. I didn't really have anything to say, especially as eloquently that you just did.
Even though i seldom responded I read most of them, as I do yours also. I hope he returns, if only to the safety of the Lounge.

[LiveNudePolitics]

3. Thanks for posting, more folks out there just like you should speak up.

A person close to me has struggled with clinical depression since her teens, and has recently pursued nursing school. Having this goal to work toward, in addition to the talk therapy she's been doing for 30 years, seems to have a good affect. She's found someone to love, is comparatively happy, when just two years ago we did have doubts she'd make it. Even at her most ill, this woman has only ever been a danger to herself, and most outside the family have no clue she's sick.

[riderinthestorm]

4. Oh Tobin, big hugs to you. I hope Denninmi sees this. GD was pretty horrific last week

It was really depressing even for me as an outsider to observe.

Perhaps the way forward is for more people to be "out" about themselves? The LGBT community seems to have had great success with this strategy. As more and more came out, everyone began to realize this was their friend, brother, sister, child, parent, aunt, uncle, grandparent....



Thanks for sharing.

[Tobin S.]

5. If I didn't have other people depending on me I might have considered it.

I'll be open about it here. That's the best I can do right now.

[riderinthestorm]

9. Right here is already making a world of difference to many, many people

Real life or online doesn't make a lot of difference in my opinion - you are reaching a lot of people who need to hear that this is okay. That's pretty damn important - life changing for more than a few I dare say.

I've written about my 16 yr old and her problems. Whether you've read about her or not doesn't matter. What made the difference to me was that I put it down and out there even as I was afraid to expose so much of our problems, even online. I have received FAR more support, love and compassion than I ever dared dream.

And its allowed others to be open about their own troubles.

I daren't put any of that out in my real life. Like you, my situation doesn't lend itself to that kind of exposure. But having this place to start... well, baby steps.

You done good.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

6. My dear Tobin...

I still remember your visiting me and my husband. After you'd left, my husband commented that he would never have known that you had a mental illness if I hadn't told him.

Thank you for your great post! I treasure you, both as a person and as a friend. I have never been afraid of you or worried about how you might act. You have an illness, and you're taking care of it. I'm so glad you are! If you had killed yourself, the world would never have known what a great guy you are, and maybe Jen would not have found a great guy to marry.

I hope Denninmi sees this too...

[Tobin S.]

10. Thank you very much, Peggy.

Denninmi has seen it. I don't know when he plans on posting again, but he is reading.

And thanks for the report from the ground about your Tobin sighting.

Tell hubby I said hi.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

11. Will do...

I know he's reading.....!

[Skittles]

7. I LOVES ME SOME TOBIN!!!

[Tobin S.]

12. Thanks, sweetie!

[Skittles]

20. how's that gal of yours doing, Tobin?

I am so happy for you two

[Tobin S.]

23. She's doing well.

She's off catching a high school basketball game tonight. I'm taking it easy here. Everything is going great for the both of us. We just really want a child right now and it's hard to be patient. I'm 40 and she's 41. I keep telling her it's still doable, but she thinks she's running out of time. We'll see how it goes.

[Skittles]

24. it certainly is doable at 41

but keep all your options open

[GreenPartyVoter]

13. *hugs from another bp DUer*

[Tobin S.]

14. Thank you.

[rhett o rick]

15. I dont know Denninmi but would like to say this to him

You can get a lot of valuable information here in DU. Engage in great discussion from which you can learn a lot. But there are mean people here also. Not many and most are very well known. Just like in the schoolyard some get off on bullying. Like all bullies they are cowards and look for weaknesses to exploit and the alpha bullies always have a following of pack bullies, enabling their behavior. Developing a thick skin helps but shouldnt be necessary. The ignore feature is a wonder.

And the rest of us need to use the alert feature whenever we see someone bullying another poster. Taunting and ridicule have no place in DU.

[Tobin S.]

17. 10-4

I agree. Most people here are alright, but when you get a bully after you it can make the DU experience miserable.

One of the people who was mean to Denninmi got the ax today. So, at the very least, that's a vindication of sorts.

[Phentex]

16. I remember...

Droopy.

Droopy had some dark days. I remember the loneliness and a good bit of self doubt. But Droopy was always likable. And I am so happy to see how far you have come while remembering where you've been.

I feel like I'm going to be a cyber "aunt" one day when the time is right for you and Jen.

[Tobin S.]

18. Yeah, you guys witnessed my recovery

I'm sure there were many who were glad to see the creation of the MHSG just to get my sorry ass out of the lounge as far as the mental health posts went.

The climax to the whole thing came in September of 2010 or somewhere around there. That's when I fully realized what had happened to me and how I had been damaged by some people. All of the drama is pretty much out of my system now. I've changed and I've grown.

[annabanana]

19. Dear Tobin

So many people are affected by mental illness, either struggling with it themselves, or watching a loved family member struggle. The more people who are open about the condition, hopefully the less the stigma.

Thank you for your courage.

[csziggy]

21. Thank you, Tobin. You are very courageous!

I hope Denninmi sees your message and takes heart from it. We need ALL of the people here on DU, not just a narrow range that feels free to harass others.

Happy Holidays to you and Jen!

[Kali]

22. good thoughts to both you guys

and anybody else being hurt by the "discussions: here and out there.

[Callalily]

25. ((((Tobin))))

You are an amazing person!

[redwitch]

26. I second that.

It is heartening to see how happy you are and know that you have made it in spite of struggling through your illness. You are a delight to read Tobin.

[Tobin S.]

27. Thank you, Callalily and redwitch

You all are very kind.