I am not in the least a violent person, BUT

[hifiguy]

would SOMEBODY please drop a piano or twenty on the smug, horrifying, shitheeled, godawful asshole douchebag in those Five Hour Energy commercials? You know the one -that shrieking ambulatory turd who runs ten miles, learns how to play douchebag guitar and record his first douchebag autotuned "album" after drinking the Jonestown Juice in question.

Jebus Henry motherbucking bald-headed Christ on a rocket-powered pogo stick, that is the worst and most annoying commercial in the last ten years. It makes me beg and yearn for Progressive Insurance's Flo. It pours sulfuric acid on my last raw and exposed nerve.

Pinkie Pie sez "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!"



That is all.

[Incitatus]

1. I would if I could, sorry.

Here's something for ya

[hifiguy]

2. That is just epically dorky,

but not in a good (Star Trek, Doctor Who, MLP:FIM) way. It doesn't even rise to the level of a minor annoyance. The people who came up with and participated in the Five Hour Energy commercial should be sent to the most remote and lifeless desert island on this planet for their sheer assholism, to die a slow and horrible death, I kid, but not by much.

[Incitatus]

3. I have not seen the one you mentioned, but I find the Sonic commercials among the most annoying.

Maybe they use different commercials in different regions to get a better measure of their effectiveness.

[hifiguy]

4. Here ya go.

This is assholishness on a Mitt Romney scale:

[Incitatus]

8. yup

total douche bag

[MiddleFingerMom]

5. The guy is SUPPOSED to be a smug over-the-top jerk... that's part of the joke.

.
.
.
They're going over-the-top like that not so you can emulate him and do all those things, but
to let you know that you can boost YOUR energy level significantly while remaining caffeine-free
and drinking a coupla ounces of liquid as opposed to a venti coffee.
.
You seem just a LEETLE bit tense and over-the-top yourself, so allow me to remind you that
the caffeine-free version of 5-Hour-Energy comes in the ORANGE bottle, OK?
.
.
.
Do you have a remote where you can skip all commercials until you UNtense your INtense
to less than an overtuned A-string?
.
.
.

.
.
.

[hifiguy]

6. One can't always get to the remote

to silence it. And it seems to be on about 20-30 times a day. ESPN, ESPN2, History, H2. It's like the Plague: everywhere and unavoidable

For Celestia's sake if you must make a commercial in this vein, make it FUNNY. It's not that hard to be funny. This ad has all the deft, lighthanded sophistication of a drunken German jazz band.

[pipi_k]

7. I know the one you mean...

and not to minimize your disgust and frustration with it, but I do have to say that there is one particular local TV station that has a weird penchant for playing the most obnoxious commercials EVER.

Over and over and over and over...

Often the same commercial upwards of 15 times in the space of a couple of hours of broadcasting.

Anyway, I had read that obnoxious commercials tend to make people remember them, and the product, which supposedly is good for business.

Well I don't know about other people, but I'm usually so disgusted I forget the company, or I'm so disgusted I vow never to buy anything from that company. I'm sure I'm not the only one who feels that way, too...

[EvilAL]

9. Hello? (one second later) It's Patrick

he took out Life Insurance.
There's no way in hell Patrick had time to say he took out life insurance between the "hello" and "it's patrick".. Unless he's the ass in the commercial you are talking about..

[krispos42]

10. Piano

Apply directly to the forehead!