Nutty things we say to our pets

[Bertha Venation]

"Would you get your ass out of my eye?" Me to Charley, a cat, last night.

What's yours?

[Graybeard]

1. "Who's the best doggy?"

I loved the cartoon of a pooch looking dismayed and saying,

"Am I going to live my entire life and not know who's the

best doggy?"

[hunter]

2. Stay out of the poison oak!!!

I swear our dogs think that's an encouragement even though they always get a bath if we catch them in it. I know where the poison oak is in all the places we commonly visit and those seem to be the places they most want to run through.

[tk2kewl]

3. "Shut the fuck up doofus!"

my dog barks too damn much, but I love him anyway.

[MiddleFingerMom]

4. "Would you get your ass out of my eye?"

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That's EXACTLY what I say!!!!!
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But, um... you know... I talk to myself a LOT!!!
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[Arugula Latte]

34. Flexibility is a virtue.

[SwissTony]

5. Nothing really nutty.

I must have about 40 nicknames for him and he understands them all.

[OriginalGeek]

6. Generally, about half-way through a long conversation with the dog

about how it's bad to pee in the hallway and you shouldn't pester the bird's tail-feathers and it's not your job to herd the cat out of the kitchen, the dog will look up at me and cock her little head sideways and I'll say "You haven't learned to speak English at all, have you?"

[mockmonkey]

7. LMAO

I can't think of anything at the moment but I do change their names to whatever strikes my fancy.

For example:

MamaKat becomes MamaKat Elliot

StinkerButt becomes Dinker Duck

Kerry is often called Kerry Cat and then that becomes Carrot Cat

Titus is Titmouse or Titty

Patches is Patches Moe "which I sing" I think it's like Louis Armstrong "Satchmo"

This one is weird and a bit off color. When I was a kid the newspaper comics had a section on the back with Cappy Dick. Here he is.

http://www.loti.com/cappy_dick.htm

So Captain is called Cappy Dick followed by "you crusty old seaman"

What can I say it amuses me and disgusts my EX.

I have names for the other cats and it gets so that the other night for the life of me I couldn't remember one of the cat's name.

[mithnanthy]

12. you're not alone...

Funny names. We have Buster, (a polydactal cat) who we sing a song " Bussie the Snowman" is a very happy fellow....He's got spots and BIG FAT FEET and eyes like Limoncello. We had a kitty Andi Pandy Cotton Candy and now we have Binkenstein (his friends call him Binky. We've always named our cats many funny names.........somehow it soothes our souls and makes us smile.

[Bertha Venation]

36. "it soothes our souls and makes us smile"

Well said, mithnanty.

[nolabear]

17. Yep. Bunny the Cat gets songs in her honor.

"Bunny Makes the World Go 'Round"

"B. Rabbit, B. Rabbit" (Sung to the tune of John Prine's "Dear Abby&quot

And Merrily, whose nickname is Schmoopie, gets "Hang On Schmoopie! Schmoopie Hang On!"

Cats and dogs never think you're an idiot. Well, cats maybe...

[zanana1]

51. My cat gets a special song...

After an old song called "Denise". "Ooh Minou, doo-be-doo, "I'm I love with you, Minou, doo-be- doo.... I know it's pathetic but she likes it.

[pipi_k]

31. Nicknames...

my girls have them too (two German Shepherd sisters)

Lucy Poo and Nikki Poo

or Pooter...

Pupsters

Chimperd (Lucy because she hoots like a chimp)

and Shrimperd (Nikki because she's smaller than her sister)

[Inkfreak]

53. Your post makes me laugh so hard!

My wife does that too. At first I was looking at her like she's nuts. But now I do too. An example: our cat Butters has become Mr. Nutter Butterball.

Hahaha. Nice to see we're not alone.

[UTUSN]

8. After whatever question (Do you want to go outside?!1 What do you WANT?!1) comes the pause then

prolonged follow-up, "Hmmmmmm?!1" as if that will elicit the answers.

[LWolf]

9. "Leave the rooster alone. He's bigger than you."

I said that to the cat yesterday; she finally made a successful jail break and landed, totally overstimulated, into the big back yard with all the trees and brush and bushes and...the rooster. The rooster was appalled, and kept maneuvering behind things, trying to avoid her. She stalked him, tail lashing wildly. While all this was going on, I also said to the dog, "guard the gates; don't let her out."

Thankfully, we successfully recaptured her before the rooster realized that he was bigger, and had a beak, talons, and spurs. He's never actually used them on anything.

[Bertha Venation]

10. Lucky cat!

I love videos of cats and chickens together. Usually the chicken chases the cat.

"Leave the rooster alone. He's bigger than you."

[olddots]

11. Sorry Daisy and Bowie

when ever they show a fox news turd maggot on TV I just have to start screaming .

[Wait Wut]

13. Lots of things...but,

I also made my boy kitty dance when the Bears got a touchdown last nite. He really didn't seem as into as I was.

[Bertha Venation]

20. Fun, though. Here, this calls for The Kitty Cat Dance:

[Wait Wut]

22. That cat is way happier...

...than Chili was last nite.

[Brigid]

23. I had forgotten all about that!

It's been around for years!

[LoveMyCali]

37. Nooooo!

I didn't even click on it but that song is going to be in my head for about a week now. ... and I dance, dance, dance.

[Brigid]

39. Cat I'm a kitty cat

And I meow meow meow
And I meow meow meow

I know -- I'm not helping, am I?

[Inkfreak]

54. That video makes me love the internets even more (nt)

[Gidney N Cloyd]

14. I ask a lot of questions and keep waiting for him to mumble back in sort of an Astro/ScoobyDoo way..

I watched way too many cartoons in my formative years.

[graywarrior]

15. Can I pee alone for once in my life?

Answer: scratch my rear end.

[Bertha Venation]

19. So -- it's universal then?

Around the Waldorf Cat Haven, they stand in line at the bathroom door for their turn getting their butts patted.

[graywarrior]

25. Yeah, it's universal

Kamere goes psycho if I locked the bathroom door.

[RiffRandell]

42. Lol!

My cat Jackie always follows me into the can, and I scratch her back near her tail then she sticks her rear end in the air.

[graywarrior]

46. What is that all about?

I thought it was just my weird cat!

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

16. Much like what I said to a cat last night:

"I really don't want to look at your asshole."

[NV Whino]

18. Stop that!

You know better than that. Right.

[tavernier]

21. Coco the cat is :

Coconut or Coco-loco when she's acting nutty; Miss Coco Chanel when she's preening herself. Miss Cuckoo when she runs and crashes into walls.

Ten years gone: thanks for the memory.

[Brigid]

24. "Ruby! You get your little self off of the kitchen counter right now!"

And she just looks at me like, "Why?"

[applegrove]

26. "My babycat"

[Arugula Latte]

27. You iz my pwecious widdle angel!

I say that -- and more -- to my kitty boys.

[RebelOne]

57. You iz mommy's widdle, widdle baby.

That is what I always say to my Chihuahua when I am not screaming at her to shut up when she barks. Chihuahuas are notorious yappers.

[alarimer]

28. Pretty much the same thing to my cat.

Who has a habit of getting on the very edge of the bed, to rub against the bedside table. Naturally, this puts his butt right at eye level for me.

[MerryBlooms]

29. "You're fine! Sometimes mommies need to potty alone!"

Which never works and they either continue knocking and yowling, or I open the door.

"Oh poor Harry, you got the drama. Tell momma all about it. What happened?" Harry is our LH Siamese and tells me all about something constantly. He's a bit of a diva.

"Uh oh, did you fall down right there?" Both our cats will just stop/drop/roll over for tummy rubs and make air biscuits. We call it 'paying the toll', because it often happens at the top/bottom of stairs or doorways and we always give them tummy and chin rubs before stepping over them.

"Harry, come here and be a luvbug!" Harry will come running and before he's on my lap, he's already purring. He knows it means I have his favorite blankie on my lap and lots of petting or brushing.

"Don't bite the baby!" Jag freezes for a second, blinks (expecting a squirt of water) and then resumes playing too rough with Harry and then I have to get the squirt gun and let him have it.

"Treatsies!"

"Let's get the brush."

"A little sumthin sumthin" means their canned food.

"Go outside!" Sun room.

"Laser!"

They both come running when I whistle for them.

I talk to them a lot... maybe too much. They do know a lot of words and phrases.

[Arugula Latte]

32. Haha!

Your description of the kitty blink before the squirt bottle is spot on.

[Neoma]

30. Two cats....

Smudgie is the Tuxedo cat. Her nicknames include: The Smudge, Turd, Fraidy cat, Chirpy.

Galaga has nicknames too: Gala, Gremlin, Squeaker, Turd Jr, Flopsey, Fearless.

With Galaga I am constantly yelling at her. "Stop that!" "Get off of there!" "What are you doing?!" And I really do have to keep track of where she is every second of the day. She doesn't walk, she stalks, and it's simply hard to explain how much of a handful that damn cat is. Smudgie however... Kind of boring compared to Galaga. She doesn't do anything wrong much. Galaga destroyed our futon completely and Smudgie still uses the scratching post...

Edit: I can't think of anything weird I've said to the cats lately.

[Arugula Latte]

33. Adorable!!!

[LoveMyCali]

47. Sounds just like my two cats Symone and Raven

Symone is a year older but she's my "Fraidy Cat" while Raven is my little crazy girl constantly looking for her next adventure or another way to get in trouble. Raven is also the snuggler of the two which is why I just can't stay mad at her.

[Sissyk]

35. Didn't daddy rub you enough

when he was on the toilet??

Cause it's like his catdar goes off when a butt cheeck hits the seat in either bathroom.

[LoveMyCali]

38. Stop drowning your toys!

My cat Raven likes to drop toys in the water dish.

[onestepforward]

49. I had a cat who did that too, lol!

He also put his toys in my shoes.

[madinmaryland]

40. Both my wife and I have said that to our cats, especially to Sonia.

[B Calm]

41. You want to go pee pee. . .

[Texasgal]

43. I call my male boston

DOO DOO PUFF!

[RiffRandell]

44. My husband calls it the old one eye.

Last edited Sun Aug 18, 2013, 02:39 AM - Edit history (1)

I make up songs about them, insert their names into songs, give them all different nicknames and talk baby talk to them.

[politicat]

45. Oh my god, are you bleeding? Are you dying? no? then FFS, will you please shut up?

She's a 21 year old Siamese in excellent health for her age (some kidney failure, but under control) with typical levels of dementia for a creature past her "century" mark (as in, can get lost in a bathtub and loses her humans if we leave her line of sight for 20 seconds). She also talks ALL THE TIME, and is to the Aunt Slappy stage of old-age cranky -- do it my way, or I will smack your shins with my cane. (This isn't new.)

I love her, I am more than willing to make sure she gets loads of attention in the time she has left... But dammit, cat, your thumb-monkey-slaves have to clean litter boxes, wash dishes and open the cans of food. Also, keep jobs so that we can keep buying your food. So would you please go lay in the sun and imitate a limp rag like any not-neurotic, self-respecting feline? I don't need either supervision or micromanagement.

[vanlassie]

48. "Are you mommie's girl?" "Can I get a dog in here?"

We have three. Dogs, that is.

[MrMickeysMom]

50. "Let mommy cut your nails and brush you..."

... "and let you drink out of the water fountain we just bought for your licking pleasure..."

Well, I AM Mr. Mickey's Mom, after all, and he isn't getting any less royal treatment in his old age!

[d_r]

52. a guy looked at me like i was nuts

I call my daughter "sissy" for a nickname. Goes back to her big brother calling her that as a baby.

I was walking the dog to pick her up at school. I was walking around to waste time and when it was about time for school to let out I said to the dog "let's go get sissy"

A guy looked at me like I was nuts and I realized he thought I was talking to the dog as of I was saying my daughter was dog's sister.

[MountainLaurel]

55. Yesterday: "Do you always have to have balls in your mouth?"

Spoken to the golden retriever as he went digging into the hedge looking for his tennis ball.

[eppur_se_muova]

56. "Kindly remove your hairy butt from my face" ... frequently used phrase. nt

[A HERETIC I AM]

58. BARKENATTUM!

BARKENATTUM, BARKENATTUM, BARKENATTUM!

BARKENATDACARS! BARKENATDACARS!

BB? getdaskwirrel. Getum.

Whooza sweety sweety pie pie?

He's my widdle waddle pup pup!



And I miss him every single day.

Get dat squirrel, BB. Getum!


The Elegant Tourist, forever occupying the passenger seat of my heart.