London firefighters: Don't put your penis in a toaster

[LiberalElite]

Remember this thread of a few days ago: http://www.democraticunderground.com/1018494444

http://www.nbcnews.com/health/london-firefighters-dont-put-your-penis-toaster-8C11375653

London firefighters have launched a public shaming campaign to stem the rise of locals summoning urgent help to remove foreign objects stuck on — or inside — their bodies, but the kinky topic is so taboo in America some top U.S. emergency workers won’t discuss the behavior.

[ZombieHorde]

1. I'm sick and tired of prude-ass firefighters telling me what I can't fuck. nt

[struggle4progress]

2. What a useful public service! Kudos to the London firefighters for warning men to resist

those temptingly sexy toasters and vacuum cleaners, that adults might not want to jam themselves into children’s toy cars, and that sewing machine needles can present hazards to fingers! Who could have guessed there might be such dangers lurking in ordinary objects?

[jakeXT]

3. I saw the Letterman clip

A woman rang to get help for her husband, who was locked in a titanium chastity belt. Keep those keys handy! #fiftyshadesofred #nonemergency

That's some quality chastity belt I would say

[Chan790]

4. Of all the stories I've ever heard from rescue and emergency workers...

nothing tops the guy who tried to use a 60W incandescent bulb as a butt-plug.

You see...once it's in, there's no way to get it out again without risking breaking the bulb and potentially lacerating one of the blood vessels inside a human colon, possibly fatally. So...you have to be transported face-down, ass in the air to the hospital with the screw-end of the light-bulb protruding from your anus. There they have the means to deal with the issue if you break the bulb and lacerate the colon in the process of removal. At this point, they very daintily use a glass cutter to cut the protruding screw-end off, carefully remove the innards of the bulb, insert a pencil into the glass bulb, pour plaster of Paris warmed to approximate body temperature into the bulb around the pencil. From there, it's a 90 minute to 3 hour wait depending on relative humidity and temperature for the plaster to set...at which point 4 orderlies hold you down while an attending physician inserts a finger around the bulb into the anus to smear the outside of the bulb inside the colon with silicone lubricant. Then while you're being held down...the doc, with their finger still in your anus to help guide it out...yanks the bulb which typically has the effect due to the pressure differential of suctioning the entirety of the contents of the large intestine out after it in a massive fecal geyser. Then because that was not bad enough, the anus remains distended for 3-8 hours meaning the patient has no bowel control and in order to insure the maintenance of the proper function of the lower GI, the patient now has to drink 6 fluid oz. of magnesium citrate solution...one of the fastest-acting and most-power laxatives known to man. (Remember the stuff they give you to prep for a colonoscopy? That's Polyethylene Glycol 80...also known as PEG-80. C₆H₆MgO₇ solute is approximately three times stronger and takes effect in 3-17 minutes with an effective duration of 4 hours. 4 hours of being able to defecate with sufficient force to achieve lift-off.)

[Ineeda]

5. Holy Sh*t! n/t

[jakeXT]

6. I can't imagine that it's not going to go back in and do harm

At this point, they very daintily use a glass cutter to cut the protruding screw-end off,

[Chan790]

7. I wasn't there and I heard the story second-hand...

but I assume some sort of protocol is involved to prevent the bulb from slipping completely inside at that point.

[antiquie]

8. I don't get it (why?!) but I don't think I want to.

60 watt