We all know that a crucifix will repel a vampire. Does anyone know what would repel

[raccoon]

aggressive, arrogant, obnoxious proselytizers?

[geardaddy]

1. A dildo

Case in point

http://www.citypages.com/2004-09-08/news/some-things-about-mary/

Her husband, Ralph Kiffmeyer, a former state representative, is remembered by some for an ill-fated crusade to ban the sale of dildos and other sex toys.

[Chan790]

2. Answer the door in a gimp mask.

Nothing but a gimp mask. It's an instant stun, sometimes lethal.

[hobbit709]

3. A friend of mine used to keep various skulls on her porch railing.

Including a couple of fake human skulls.

She never got bothered by the door to door evangelists after that.

[HarveyDarkey]

4. You just need the proper door knocker

[pinboy3niner]

6. That should clue them in that you're more than a little testy

[In_The_Wind]

8. My front door isn't strong enough to

______

[LadyHawkAZ]

5. The door-to-door kind?

Nudity.

If that's not an option, there's signs you can buy for your door.

For other types of random windbags, try bear mace.

[rrneck]

7. A lack of enthusiasm. nt

[Myrina]

9. Answer the door dressed like Marilyn Manson ....

.... oughta send 'em running.

[AnneD]

10. Speaking in a foreign language....

Last edited Thu Oct 31, 2013, 04:24 PM - Edit history (1)

and if you don't know one....start speaking gibberish.

[Revanchist]

14. Watch out

They may think you're speaking in "tongues" and decide to join you.

[AnneD]

30. My GrandPa and his best friend my grand Uncle.....

once went to a fundamentalist church. Grandpa started speaking in Navajo and Uncle 'translated'. The translation was not accurate. They laughed about that until the day they passed away.

[jmowreader]

11. Budweiser sign in the front window

I used to live on the side of a hill. The guy above me was one of the three biggest pot dealers in North Idaho. He had a neon beer sign he'd turn on to let people know his shipments had arrived...it took the cops three years to figure this out.

[RiffRandell]

12. I always prefer a good punch in the face.

But I don't like going to jail.

[Generic Brad]

13. Ex-Lax Brownies

It may not work immediately, but it should put them out of commission for around 12 hours.

[Avalux]

15. Funny, I tested this out at work on Halloween.

Last edited Sun Nov 3, 2013, 01:39 PM - Edit history (1)

I dressed up as a Dia de los Muertos 'skeleton' and one of my co-workers who sometimes goes off on tangents about god and how superior she is, was afraid to talk to me. I could see the look on her face, she was terrified and now thinks I'm pure evil.

I looked something like this:

[OriginalGeek]

16. I call that a win!

[Chan790]

17. I'm a huge fan of the sugar skull patterns.

But yeah, I see how that would freak out the fundies. The funniest part is that the most ardent adherents to Day of the Dead customs tend to be the very religious in Mexico.

[Avalux]

18. It's a mix of Catholicism and ancient beliefs from Southern/Central Mexico.

It's fascinating - they believe the gates of heaven open up on 10/31, allowing deceased loved ones to return to earth for 24 hours. So the people celebrate with them - huge parties with lots of good food, colorful decorations, singing and dancing. That includes skulls and skeletons, and little sugar coffins with cadavers that pop out when opened (just for the kiddies).

The fundies see all of this as evil. Anything hinting at the macabre freaks them out completely.

[No Vested Interest]

19. Takes me back. - I was in San Miguel d'Allende

on Day of the Dead one year. So interesting.
Here we have All Souls' Day.
Same Idea, really.

[WhoIsNumberNone]

20. An upsidedown cross, maybe?

[Tom Ripley]

21. A library card

[politicat]

22. I answered the door in a bloody butcher's apron with my 10" knife and my cat once...

I was breaking down a couple whole tenderloins, a whole round and a short loin that day. My cat really wanted to chomp on the raw meat and would climb the counter if my back was turned, so when the doorbell rang, I snagged her.

Funny, I've never seen them again...

[sakabatou]

23. Proselytize back about Cthulhu and other gods

[Auggie]

24. A mezuzah … or a big dog

[BillStein]

25. my mezuzzah makes them salivate

I was told they have a "special affinity for members of the Hebrew Nation"

[Auggie]

26. When I tell them my wife is Jewish they skedaddle

[Orrex]

28. Or a big dog with a vuvuzela.

[Auggie]

29. LOL

[Orrex]

27. You have to be careful how you play it

Proselytizers often respond to hostility and rejection by doubling their efforts, so your attempt to chase them away will only inspire them to come back with increased fervor.

[nolabear]

31. I found Dyna Moe Hum to be quite effective.

Put it on, sit down politely and smile.

[nolabear]

32. I found Dyna Moe Hum to be quite effective.

Put it on, sit down politely and smile.