A poem for the season

[Prisoner_Number_Six]

I wrote this free verse poem quite a while back. I was never completely satisfied with it, but I thought I'd share it with you anyway. Any criticism, positive or negative, will be accepted by me. I hope you enjoy it.
-------

The Wintering

It's cold outside, but here we sit,
feet up before the hissing heater,
genuflecting at the alter of the
changing seasons; ruminating on the
changing times.

And in the sleepy Wintering
we nod and contemplate such things
as frozen toes, chill blizzard-winds,
and stocking up on food.

The cold air burns our nostrils
as we scent the days to come--
It's clear we won't be sitting
on the porch much more 'till spring--
It's darkened early, and will be cold
throughout the empty night.

Besides, all the pretty, falling
autumn leaves are gone....

© 2013 Steven A. Hessler
All Rights Reserved

[CaliforniaPeggy]

1. My dear Prisoner_Number_Six!

This is an interesting bit of work. I see what you mean about not being completely satisfied...

It's as though you couldn't make up your mind what you wanted it to be: poetic or firmly grounded in our mundane lives.

Still, I enjoyed it!

[Prisoner_Number_Six]

4. Been a while since I've made up my mind about anything.

Perhaps I should stick to fractal art...

[nolabear]

2. I like the imagery and the elements.

You have all you need. I'm a sucker for a strong ending and though I can see you like the little doublet at the end about he pretty leaves, I think it takes away from the tension.

I'd try eliminating that and reversing the order of verses two and three. That leaves the sense of how basic those elements are, how important simple survival is.

What do you think?

[Prisoner_Number_Six]

3. I like your idea.

I may play around with it as you suggested. Thanks!

[nolabear]

5. Yes, it's definitely play. That's one thing I love about poetry. I've turned some poems inside out.

And sometimes they've gotten stronger. Seasonal poems are really interesting. I've been fussing with an Autumn poem for more than a year now (on and off, obviously) and am still zeroing in on what I want to say.

Write on!

[Tuesday Afternoon]

7. I like those suggestions. One question -

shouldn't it be altar not alter ... the genuflecting ... exactly where is it taking place? I am confused.

[Prisoner_Number_Six]

8. Ur rite

Gess my spelchekkr wasntt werking.

[Tuesday Afternoon]

9. !

I do like the line about the leaves.

Perhaps, it is the start of another poem

Happy Holidays #6

[Wounded Bear]

6. K & R...because I can...

With a suggestion. Not to sound snarky and all, but we do have a poetry group.

http://www.democraticunderground.com/?com=forum&id=1199

You might get some suggestions there, though the traffic tends to be low.

BTW, love the poem and thanks for sharing it here with us.

[nolabear]

10. I never go to the poetry or writing groups even though I do both, because it's so quiet.

At least in The Lounge you have the chance of a drive-by.