a question for married duers

[fizzgig]

How romantic was the proposal? was it something you row just decided on? was it an elaborate affair?

mine is not terribly romantic. husband and i made a late night munchie run to ihop, he pulled my 82 volvo wagon into the parking spot, looked at me and said "let's get married." we'd been together for six weeks but we didn't tell anyone for a year.

[Major Nikon]

1. Not at all

I was in the military at the time and getting relocated. On the day of receiving that news we sat down to talk about what that was going to mean for our relationship and we both decided to get married. That was almost 30 years ago and I'm still on my first wife.

Neither of us are really big on the idea of romantic proposals. I see marriage as really more of a contractual arrangement that should be discussed rationally. I see the romantic notion of a proposal as really more of an ultimatum.

[nomorenomore08]

16. I think you have the right idea. And your three decades together seems to bear that out.

[fizzgig]

19. i think that's how i would go about it if i were in a similar situation

ours was certainly an impulsive decision but we waited what we thought to be a reasonable amount of time before going through with it. my dad would have freaked out had we done it right away.

it's worked for us so far.

[NYC_SKP]

2. Yours actually sounds romantic, to me.

It doesn't sound like a lot of movie or romance novels kind of romantic, but it seems romantic nonetheless.

I don't know the details in your case but I hope it worked out well.

[fizzgig]

20. it was four years married in september

and things are better than i think they ever have been

[ConcernedCanuk]

3. Well not married now, but I WAS - once - many decades ago.

.
.
.

We were quite happily "living in sin" - but both sets of parents were critical of that arrangement.

So it was more of an "oh well" moment - a "yeah, might as well" sort of thing.

Ended rather badly (nothing violent or criminal) 5 years later,

But I do not regret it - we had some fabulous times.

CC

ps: wanted children, but never had them - Grateful for that now;

I think having to "fight" over children would have destroyed me.

[fizzgig]

21. i could have wound up in that situation

i was with my first bf for seven years and we likely would have said the same thing had he not gone to study in japan. i'm very glad i did not wind up in that situation.

[rug]

4. We saw a line on a stick and said, "oh, shit."

[pinboy3niner]

5. I proposed on a cable car in San Francisco

I must be a hopeless romantic.

[pintobean]

17. I think that's cool, pinboy

No need to blush. What did/does she think. That's what really matters.

[fizzgig]

22. that is really sweet

great setting for it

[Earth_First]

6. I like to think so...

When we first started dating, we took an overnight hike up to a lean to overlooking the Hi Tor/Naples valley and spent the night with a small fire and a few cocktails. We had been dating a little over two years at the time and we spent the night together contemplating our futures together.

We awoke in the morning to the sounds of lots of conversation. Exiting our shelter we were greeted by an SAR team gearing up for roped valley extraction training.

In October of '12 we returned to that spot 5 years later for a dayhike (with alterior motives on my part).

That afternoon on the hike in, the very same SAR team was training and had joked about waking a couple up one early morning a few years back. We all had a good laugh when they found out it was us!

After my proposal on our way down, we announced our engagement to the team on our way out. We shared another laugh and congratations on our part and married less than a year ago this past August.

This upcomming September will be our first wedding anniversary and ten years together sharing our love for adventure and one another...

As a avid outdoor enthusists, it was perfectly romantic!

[fizzgig]

23. that's really cool

i wish you many more years together

[caraher]

7. I don't think there really even was one

It was just sort of a mutual understanding that we were going to get married.

The nearest to an "proposal" was when I gave her an engagement ring, which had been my grandmother's ring. I offered it to her late one evening lying on the floor of the family room of my mother's house. I think it was romantic in a low-key way...

I think showy public proposals are way out of control and really put people on the spot. There's a lot of "say yes" pressure, which is no big deal if it's clear the couple has been on the same page for a long time. But in most instances there's going to be a powerful bias that will also make it harder to back out later. Sure, it's great fun for everyone to witness a romantic proposal, but this is about 2 people making a commitment to one another, a decision that should be made freely and absent pressure to perform to the voyeuristic expectations of a crowd.

[fizzgig]

24. i don't know that i could have handled a big, public to do

i always think about how pressured those women must feel when it gets put up on a jumbotron.

i think you proposal was a wonderful one. i used my great-grandmother's ring for the ceremony, he got me one for the christmas after we were married.

[yewberry]

8. Okay, here's mine:

We'd been together about 5 years and I wasn't the biggest fan of marriage as an institution, but ours was a pretty solid relationship. We'd talked about marriage, and I was slowly warming to the idea.

I was working at a bar in Seattle across the street from a small movie theatre. I arrived at work and was parking my car and there on the marquee, half of the sign read 'Shakespeare in Love' and the other half read, 'Marry me Rachel?'

I thought, Huh, well that's odd, and walked down the street to the Thai place to get some tofu before my shift. Walked back, and there it still was. So, I walked over to the little ticket booth and said, "Hi, uh, I'm Rachel." Dude answered, "I don't know anything about it." I said maybe I should call home, and he agreed that yes, I should. So, I walked back across the street to work, and all of the chefs were all standing there, beaming and not saying anything, like a bunch of cats and their proverbial canaries. Walked into my bar, and there was my sweetie, with orchids. I said yes.

That whole evening, I had customers asking me what was going on at the movie theatre, if maybe they were doing a private showing or something? And all night long, I had to say that, no, I'm Rachel. We were part of neighborhood lore for a long time, and the locals followed along with our wedding plans.

It was really very sweet. This year will be our 15th wedding anniversary.

[fizzgig]

25. awwwww

congrats on your years together and may you have many more

[Heddi]

9. My husband and I had been living together for 3 years

One day I was having an existential crisis about life and career and he said "well, would getting married make it better?" I was like "sure, I guess..." and that weekend we chose a ring, went to a cheap mexican restaurant where he "officially" proposed and I "officially" said yes and were married 6 months later, on our dating anniversary (one less date to remember!)

We had 30 people at our wedding. There was no best man or maid of honor. My husband wore khaki's. I did the catering (I was a chef), the venue was free (restaurant/bar where I worked), my boss's wife made the cake (master baker), my boss donated a case of wine and a case of champagne, my friend made the dress (seamstress). My total wedding costs were $400, including the rings. I got married in a gazebo at the Battery in Charleston SC. Cost $25 to rent for 4 hours. Justice of the Peace was $80.

That was July 29, 2000. This year we'll have been together 17 years total married for 14 and never split up once.

Compared to my sister in law, whose wedding cost upwards of $25,000 (in 1991 money). had his and hers rolls royce's, reception at the country club, over 300 attendees...split up with her husband several years ago, had a kid to "make it better" and I assume they will divorce once little Marriage Saver is 18 in a few years and off to college.

[fizzgig]

28. we had a smaller wedding

the venue was the most expensive part of it, but dad and his family covered that. i don't understand sinking 20 grand into a wedding.

[Locut0s]

42. A good part of it is to just show off...

If one side of the family is footing the bill they are showing off to the other side. "See what we can afford".

[panader0]

10. Married and divorced three times.

I remember nothing.

[HipChick]

11. I don't think I got a proposal..

I just heard we were getting married and I guess I went along with it..

Unfortunately, a few years later, he heard we were getting divorced and didn't have much choice in the matter..

[denbot]

12. I proposed to Alley in our kayak under the rock arch of South Anacapa Island.

I told her how lucky I was to have her in my life, and I wanted to share it with her always.
I don't know if it was romantic, but the scenery was fantastic.

[fizzgig]

31. i would count that as romantic

[riderinthestorm]

13. My husband and I are a "love at first sight" couple.

Went out to dinner with him that first day we met and I moved in that night.

28 years later we're still married!

There never was a "formal" proposal. I spent the better part of that first year.slowly moving my stuff in. My husband finally asked if I wanted to move everything in permanently. I asked if that was a proposal. He said he supposed that it was. And that was it.

Because I do a lot of physical work my husband already knew I wasn't going to wear a ring (or at least any fancy expensive diamond thing) so he never had the idea of a formal proposal. Our wedding bands are plain.

For us the romance was/is the love affair, not the rituals.

[fizzgig]

32. we started spending every night together within the first week

i was head over heels within that time frame

[femmocrat]

14. Not very!

He was in the army and had a weekend leave. He phoned and said, "Come down, we're getting married!" Being young and easily convinced.... I went. We are still married after 46 years! LOL

[fizzgig]

33. sounds like you made a good call on that

[DFW]

15. Mine was even less romantic than that

My brother called me up when I was at our Boston office in December 1981, and invited me to be best man at his wedding in Washington next April. I said absolutely, and said I would see if my girlfreind in Germany could make it as well.

He said, "Well, as long as both of you are going to be there, you might as well join in and make it a double wedding."

I thought, "well, we'd been together 7 years and we never have time to plan anything, What a chance!"

So, I called up my then-girlfriend in Germany and told her my brother was getting married in April. She said she would absolutely take the time off to be there. I then told her of my brother's suggestion that we make it double wedding. She said the German equivalent of, "Sure, that works for me."

"Proposal (if you want to call it that)" accepted.

Not the most romantic of wedding proposals. On the other hand this July, we will have been together for 40 ears, 32 of them married. I know of couples who had passionate courtships and elaborate weddings, and were divorced less than four years later.

[fizzgig]

35. you thank your brother for the idea?

i've read many of your posts and it sounds like you have a wonderful marriage

[DFW]

39. The double wedding WAS his idea

We are pretty happy, and at this point can't imagine life without each other any more.

[trof]

18. The day we met we wound up in a bar.

Not a dive.
Just a nice neighborhood watering hole.
"Down The Hatch".
It had a nautical decor.
(How we met is a long story.)

I wrote the time and date on a bar napkin.
"Keep this. I'll explain later."
She did and still has it.

Later I told her "That's the time and date that I found I was in love with you and wanted to marry you."

That was 1968.
We married a few months later in April 1969.
Soon to be 45 years and counting.

[fizzgig]

36. that is fantastic

[Solly Mack]

26. Met. Hated him. Grew on me.

Dated. Decided to get married. Moved in together. Planned wedding. Went through the various showers, parties and get togethers. Got tired of all the fuss and eloped. All within a year.

That was 23 years ago.

[trof]

30. We kind of eloped too.

It worked.

[Solly Mack]

34. The entire time the Justice was talking I was eyeing the door behind her.

My soon-to-be husband must have sensed my thoughts. His hand came down on my thigh and he left it there. We got hitched sitting on our asses. Comfy.

[fizzgig]

37. eloping crossed my mind

the ceremony was for the family, not for us.

[liberal N proud]

27. We just decided it was time

30 years ago next month, we were out on a date per say and decided to step into a jewelry store and pick out the rings. There was no will you or yes, it was just a mutual conclusion.

[trof]

29. OK, the actual proposal:

Miz t. and I had been cohabiting for about 4 months.
Her pad.
Another long story, but it worked best for me.

I drove to Kentucky to see my grandmother (mom had died with breast cancer the year before.).
Granny was the family matriarch.
I wanted to tell her that I planned to get married before I popped the question to the (hopefully) bride-to-be.

She was pleased that I was going to settle down, although she'd never met my intended.

And then she said "We'll need to get your mother's wedding ring from the lock box."
I had no idea.
We went to the bank and she opened the box.
Here was this beautiful 2 carat diamond ring.
Whoa!

I drove back to our pad in Alabama and did the whole nine.
Got down on one knee, proffered the ring, and said the words.
"Will you marry me?"

Miz t. fainted.
I'm serious.
I got a wet cloth and revived her and when she came to she was saying "Yes, Yes,Yes..."

[MadrasT]

38. I don't think there was a proposal in my case.

Everybody in our families just assumed we were getting married and the next thing I knew we were shopping for an engagement ring, and he was bitching to high heaven about "Why do I have to spend all this money on a ring, what do I get out of it?"

Yeah, I should have taken the hint right then it wasn't such a good plan and ran for the hills. We were married for 20 years. It was an odd relationship to say the least... it wasn't all bad, but it was a very unusual marriage. We actually lived in separate houses for most of it (which is probably the only reason it lasted 20 years).

[underpants]

40. Sunset in Malibu CA at Gladstone's

[BuddhaGirl]

41. Hubby and I recently celebrated our 15th anniversary

We had been living together for about a year, and just decided to get married...no official proposal, we just figured the time was right. I think we were at home, enjoying some wine, when we decided to tie the knot.

But we had a fabulous wedding in Sausalito, with the SF Bay in the background on a warm, sunny day. The party afterward was the best part. The hotel that hosted our wedding is now a drug rehab facility....eh, it makes a great story LOL

The happiest day of my life!!

[Sissyk]

43. I LOVE this thread, fizzgig!

great stories, all.

[Captain Stern]

44. Ours was even less romantic (if that's possible)

We'd been 'dating' for three years, and were neighbors for three years. Finally, one of us said "How come we are paying two mortgages when we spend all our time in one townhouse?" The other one of us said: "I don't know. That's stupid. Let's get married" So, we got married, and 22 years later, it's still working out. My wife is a very tolerant woman.

[NMDemDist2]

45. i honestly don't remember

we're celebrating 20 years married next month and i don't remember.

i think it had something to do with me needing health insurance......

[orleans]

46. cute thread.

what about proposals that were made and marriages that never took place? i've had three of those (that i can remember off the top of my head) but none from the person who mattered the most--the one i would have married.

[MrMickeysMom]

47. That made me think of my husband's "proposal"

"Hey, yo you want to make it legal?"



I think this has become a punch line we laugh about every so often after 37 years. We never were too romantically and you can forget anything considered traditional. I think that's okay, too!

[davidpdx]

48. I've proposed 4 times

Two were girlfriends back when I was in my 20's. Married twice. Of the four, one of the ones that didn't work out was probably the most romantic as I did it dressed up in public. Ack, don't tell my wife. (that's ok, she's asleep next to me snoring like a wilderbeast)