I just sliced the &!&#@@!($&#@!! out of my leg.

[nolabear]

Yes, I'm seeking sympathy and pity and whatevs. And it was on the half open latch of a tool box left that way by my dear husband (no sarcasm) in the garage when he was helping our son with his car.

Sometimes shit just jumps out there and gouges you. And you have to cuss a blue streak and then laugh, toast the trickster, and figure it was your turn.

And post to the Lounge and bitch.

Thanks. Carry on.

[MiddleFingerMom]

1. Can I have your stuff?

[nolabear]

3. Sure. Two spaniels, a tailless cat and a parrot.

Walk into a bar with them and see what happens.

I knew I could count on you for sympathy.

[MiddleFingerMom]

7. !!!

.
.
.

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
That woulda spoiled the sheer genius of the first one.
.
.
.

[bluedigger]

2. Ouch! I hope you heal fast!

Now, stay out of Manland, and we can stop setting traps!

[nolabear]

11. OOOOhhhh.... Thanks. I'll just take my butcher knife over here.

[siligut]

4. OW! How serious, really. How bad are you bleeding, apply pressure.

I know you know what to do, but I have to remind you about Tetanus. Oh, poor, dear nolabear it wasn't your turn at all, that mean, nasty tool box must have had a bad day and took it out on you.

[nolabear]

10. It's not fatal. It just sucks.

And thanks. It's big and ugly but isn't bleeding any more.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

5. My dear nolabear!

Hey, don't bleed on the tool box!

Just kidding...

Be sure it's well washed. Have you had a tetanus shot lately, like in the last 10 years???

You might want to think about that. Lockjaw is a terrible way to die, and you're too young!

Take care, sweetie...

[nolabear]

12. Thanks. Yep, all shrinks at an agency get tetanus shots.

Wait...that was waaaay too long ago. I think I'm cool though.

[Amerigo Vespucci]

6. Well, you DO have ANOTHER leg.

No, no...don't thank me. I'm happy to provide support and comfort in your time of need.

[nolabear]

13. *sniff* I love you too, man!

[Kali]

8. good

cause you sure don't want &!@@!($@!! stuck in your leg.

[nolabear]

14. No kidding. That would be @*&#@&**@!!

[Paulie]

9. A foot massage a day till its healed

2 or 3 years, tops!

[nolabear]

15. Will you be my doctor?

I like the way you think.

[nolabear]

16. Hey! Guess what! Vodka is alomst PURE ALCOHOL!!!

[CaliforniaPeggy]

17. Cheers!

[yellowcanine]

18. Is the &!&#@@!($&#@!! something that will heal up without leaving a scar?

If not I guess you will just have to wear long pants all of the time.

[nolabear]

19. Meh. I'm so old a scar is the least of my worries.

Maybe I can tattoo it!

[libodem]

20. Ouch!

What smilie makes it better. I don't think there is a kiss one?

[Old Troop]

21. In days gone by, we would have gone to the hospital. Now we post first!

I hope it gets better soon.

[JoePhilly]

22. This summer I lost a knife fight with a Watermelon ... and I had the knife!!

See ... this big watermelon was just lying there on the counter, just minding its own business ... and my kids wanted to eat it.

And one side of it was a bit flat ... but I knew that if I split it while it was laying flat, the one half that would be left over would be too big to fit in the refrigerator.

I surmised that if I rolled it about 45 degrees, I could slice that sucker such that the remaining half would be much flatter, and it would fit very easily in the refrigerator.

So I rolled it up on to its side, and then started to slice it.

Well ... the watermelon had a different plan ... it decided to fight back using jujitsu. It rolled BACK to its original position and used my own slicing force against me, which resulted in a very nice and deep slice in my finger (requiring about 7 stitches).

And so at this point, my finger is bleeding like crazy, and the watermelon has disarmed me, and taken control of the knife ... and it sat there taunting me.

The only good news was that after bandaging up my hand, I did take revenge!!!!

[Wait Wut]

23. Moral of the story:

Don't have children.


Hey, I LIKE watermelons.

[JoePhilly]

24. LOL!!!!

Here's the other funny part ... my wife was not home, which might have been good because she'd have probably flipped out ... so its just me and my 12 and 10 year old daughters.

The 10 year old sees the blood because there is a lot of blood ... its on the knife, on the watermelon, all over my hand ... so she screams and runs away.

My 12 year old, stays calm or at least on the edge of calm, and so she becomes my assistant ... I tell her to get me lots of paper towels, and we wrap it with those.

Then we head upstairs, my finger is throbbing like crazy ... she's right on the edge of panic, and so I'm explaining to her that she can't panic because I really need her help ... so she breathes and focuses ... I have her get out peroxide, surgical tape, and lots of gauze pads, and more paper towels.

So then I check over the gash, its more than a half inch long across the side and the pad of the finger between the middle finger and the pinky of my left hand. It kind of curls around from the side of the finger and into the pad ... and its very deep. So when I remove pressure, it bleeds like crazy.

So now I'm telling her how to cut the surgical tape ... how to cut up the gauze pads to be about the right size ... then I have her pre-positioning tape strips on pieces of gauze so that we have a chance to get it on fast enough to maintain the pressure. She creates multiple gauze / tape combinations ... the first couple fail. We have to figure out how to orient my hand, how to keep the tape from getting stuck to itself or something else we don;t want it to stick to ... and finally, we get it covered, with a very tight bandage.

She was really great.

And then she says ... "well ... now I definitely know that I DO NOT want to be a Doctor!!!!"

I asked "why not??"

And she said, "well ... we did it, but now, I feel sick and I need to go lie down!"

[Wait Wut]

25. I'm with the 10 year old.

A very similar thing happened to my mother when I was about that age.

I was down in the basement when my mother screamed, "****, come here! I cut myself and I need your help!"

Me: "Um...what do you want me to do?"
Mom: "Just come here! Get me a towel! I'm bleeding!"
Me: "Uhhhhh...there's a towel in the kitchen." Then, I turned up my stereo.

She had slashed her hand open with a butcher knife. It was bad. She got stitches, don't recall how many. There was blood EVERYWHERE (that I refused to clean up). More importantly, she learned that if there was another emergency, it would be best to call someone and not depend on her daughter.

Your 12 year old deserves a medal.