If your ex asked for jewelery back after a divorce would you do so?

[irisblue]

I know I cannot go and pull them off their body or from the jewelery box, and I'm learning to let go...but dayum those pieces meant quite a bit to me. (None of the pieces are heirlooms, I came up poor and the jewelery is bought before and during our marriage.)

[seabeyond]

1. ask. it is a gift so legal, i doubt it. but maybe, he will do the right thing. what do you think?

hopeless?

and peace to you....

[noamnety]

2. No.

When I divorced, we split up belongings according to really whose we felt they were. Any disagreements ought to be settled out in the divorce agreement. After that, it's best to come to terms with the fact that anything they have is legally theirs, and anything you have is legally yours.

Just calling it over is - imho - way healthier than continuing to argue about things that in the end just really don't matter.

If you're asking for stuff from them, I'd suggest just dropping it. If they're asking for stuff from you, I'd suggest saying no and reinforcing the idea that the divorce is over, and you don't have energy for continuing to negotiate the terms of it.

[Sanity Claws]

26. Exactly right

If you wanted them, you should have discussed that in connection with the final property agreement of your divorce.

[LiberalEsto]

3. I think legally if it was a gift to you, it belongs to you.

I am not a lawyer so you should check with one. County bar associations usually have low-cost consultation referrals. Also if there has been a legal divorce and property settlement that you both signed, that would be that,

Personally, I'd be willing to return family heirlooms to an ex.

[Raine1967]

11. I did just that after my divorce.

It felt wrong keeping things he brought into our marriage from his family after our marriage was over. I was fortunate, my first husband felt the same way about family heirlooms that I brought in from my family. Our marriage didn't work out, but he was a decent fellow.

The toughest decision was our kittehs. We had three, and we really came to responsible decision about them. One day I would like to tell that story on DU. He was a champ about it, and in the end it was the right choice.

[seaglass]

4. Maybe the pieces don't mean as much to your ex? Could you offer to buy them?

Resale value for jewelry is low - you could get an estimate from a jeweler you both trust.

I just got estimates for my mom's jewelry from her estate, some of which I bought her and I'd rather buy the pieces from the estate than sell them for the little money they are worth.

[irisblue]

28. I had not thought of this

I will try. Thanks for the idea.

[seaglass]

29. Seriously you might be surprised at how little value the jewelry has. My mom's wedding band, white

gold I believe with a row of diamond chips was estimated at $25.

[warrior1]

5. I had an ex pay me for a ring I gave her.

I didn't ask to be paid back or even ask for it back, she just felt she should pay me for it.

Other than that, I've never asked for or have been asked to give back jewelry.

[LWolf]

6. No.

But then, neither of my marriages produced much in the way of jewelry. I think my first wedding ring might be around somewhere, if I can find the old jewelry box. It wasn't worth much, and I haven't seen it in more than 20 years.

I left the second wedding ring on top of the box of condoms the second husband bought for the new girlfriend when I walked out of the house. He didn't ask for it. He was hiding at his brother's, waiting for me to take my self, with those uncomfortable reminders of our life together, away.

I still have, somewhere, the diamond earrings he gave me. I've had them for more than 15 years, and have worn them twice; never since leaving the husband. I don't really like diamonds, and don't wear much in the way of jewelry at all. If I ever find them, I'd give them away.

[pipi_k]

7. If they were

family heirlooms, I probably would, especially if there were children or grandchildren they could go to eventually.

Otherwise, no, I wouldn't.

[ohnoyoudidnt]

8. I agree

Heirlooms should be the exception. Those and an engagement ring that the other partner has cancelled.

[LisaL]

9. If they were given as presents, I don't think owner can legally get them back.

[pipi_k]

13. Legally...

Probably not

But IMO it would be the moral thing to do...

[Raine1967]

10. No.

I do believe that heirloom pieces are a murky area. Same with engagement rings. For me that is a whole different set of rules.

However, imo, jewelry as well as other items requested in a divorce, should be included during a divorce proceeding. (Cars, house, custody, and yes, jewelry)

Since you said they aren't heirloom, it appears as though these were gifts.

[avebury]

12. A lot would depend upon

1) if any pieces were heirloom pieces and/or had big sentimental value for his side of the family and 2) if there were any children from the relationship.

If we had no children I would hand it back. If there were, I would probably hang onto anything to pass along to the children when they reached a responsible age.

[Generic Brad]

14. I would pawn them and count my cash

If the divorce is final and property was already divided, then too bad, sucker.

Others clearly view this situation differently than me, but I can be heartless and cold without any qualms when I know I am within my legal rights.

[IrishAyes]

22. My wedding ring was the FIRST thing I sold!

[Skittles]

15. I gave my exes anything that meant more to them than to me

because that's the right thing to do and, oh, I never married them and so did not despise them

[hunter]

17. I have a really funny "ex" story like that...

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0259446

I haven't quite figured out what to do with that "heirloom" yet.

By any reasonable accounting this ex should probably write me a check between $10,000 and a $100,000 dollars, but I don't care. My gift to her, she found herself.

After a horrible breakup (I jumped out of her moving car and still have scars) she went on and married her girlfriend. Not really a marriage at the time, but she could afford very high powered lawyers to make it so.

Later, having crawled out of my bent and broken place to be a big city school teacher I met my wife and we found True Love and had a wonderful Big Fat Catholic wedding.

[Skittles]

18. I still have never seen that movie

[hunter]

20. My experience was a lot like that movie...

... up until she decide she was more attracted to a heroin waif who'd tried to kill herself in my bathtub.

It's one reason I fly my rainbow flag here on DU. I have an ex who did a lot of damage trying to prove to herself and her family she was "straight."

I was used by her but I don't regret it. Simply a misadventure of darker times.

[hunter]

16. May I never be in that position...

... but I've no doubts heirloom jewelry will remain with family and I would never "pay it forward" to anyone without similar beliefs.

My definition of "family" will always be generous. The heirlooms in our family have great staying power in spite of the extreme dramas.

Children, nephews, nieces, even random adopted blood and non-blood younger generation non-lover or spouse type relatives get first dibs on the heirlooms. Otherwise they would not be "heirlooms."

Give an heirloom to a kid, grandkid, nephew, niece, long time housekeeper or care provider, that's a WIN!

Give an heirloom back to a bitter ex, that's a LOSS. You'd be better off selling it to strangers.

[orleans]

19. no

a present remains a present
they are not family heirlooms so whoever got the jewelry as a gift gets to keep it

[IrishAyes]

21. LOVE your sig line, btw.

As to the jewelry, my answer would depend on several factors, including who bought it in the first place and for what purpose. If your once-spouse bought it and gave it to you as a gift, that's for keeps. Not like an engagement ring and then someone backs out of the wedding. Those should be returned; in some states it's the law, even. But modern usage of the term 'ex' no longer necessarily means a broken marriage, so I'm unsure of the situation. Regardless, best of luck to you.

[kcr]

23. Pretty much what's already been said. Heirloom, yes. Otherwise, I'd keep n/t

[NewJeffCT]

24. I guess it depends on how bitter the divorce was

Legally, if they were not part of the divorce settlement and he has possession of them, I would think you're out of luck that way. If it was not a bad divorce, he may be convinced to return at least some of them.

[dr.strangelove]

25. If it were something that was a family piece, I would give it back, if not, I would not

It was a gift, so its yours. I would expect my grandmother's ring back if my wife and I divorced, but the rest of it is all hers. I expect she would agree, not that we are ever splitting up.

[BainsBane]

27. gifts are legally yours

You are under no obligation to give them back. and they aren't considered marital assets. In fact, it's damn shitty of him to ask you to return gifts since they aren't family heirlooms.

[DFW]

30. Is there a N/A box to check?

If I ever got involved in that, I'd have bigger worries.

Besides, I've never been an "ex" and after 40 years, have no intention of finding out what it's like. My hat goes off to all who have gone through it and come out smiling, and my heart goes out to all who have gone through it and fared less well.

I see divorce sort of like I see radiation poisoning. Never happened to me, but as I imagine it's horrible, I am not very curious to know for sure.