questions on a "grave" matter

[orleans]

when someone dies where do you order the headstone?
from the funeral home?
who do you tell what you want engraved on it?
do you talk to the company that does the engraving or who takes the order?
is there a book of epitaphs to look through if you want to? if so, where is the book? at the funeral home or the stone company?

can someone walk me through this?

how does this work?
we've never buried anyone in our family. and i'm "dying" to know.

[LisaLynne]

1. It depends on the funeral home.

I've had it happen both ways -- once, when it was included in the cost of the funeral, several other times, it wasn't and we ended up working with the cemetery to get a stone. Usually, I've gone to the monument place (stone company) to look at their stones and they have like a book with the different engravings they can do.

The one time it was included with the funeral, it would have been cheaper to make the arrangements for the stone separately, but it was also sort of nice having it all done at once.

[Kali]

2. I assume the mortuary can help but I know in Tucson there is a well known OLD business

across the road from one of the largest cemetaries.

OMG, I should have known - you can order them on-line! http://www.headstonesusa.com/

google "headstones"

[rug]

3. designyourheadstone.com

http://designyourheadstone.com/why-buy-a-headstone-online/

[Paulie]

4. My mom has a bench model she picked out

Has a squirrel engraved on it. She bought two plots when her last husband passed. One for her one for anyone who needs one.

She went though the cemetery when she bought the plots. Plots are near a tree so you can sit on the bench in the shade and watch the squirrels.

She doesn't have her name on it yet.

[Sherman A1]

5. I would look up monuments

in the phone book.

[RushIsRot]

6. I wanted the headstone for my father to match that of my mother.

I took a photo of the first stone to the monument company. They traveled to the cemetary, took a rubbing and came back, reproduced the exact style monument for my father.

[madamesilverspurs]

7. Might be best to check with the cemetery

before proceeding. Some have rules that govern the type of marker (for example, some require flat brass markers, no upright stones). Even the section your plot is located in can have different requirements from adjoining sections.

Once you have that information you can proceed to a monument shop, either in proximity to the cemetery or online. The advantage of the proximity shop is that they are necessarily familiar with the requirements for the cemeteries in the area; some shops are also members of networks where you can order the stone and artwork at one location and have it produced at another closer to the cemetery.

The local shops can also share some of the more esoteric considerations, like which kinds of stone might react poorly to the composition of the sprinkler water. Most shops have a yard where you can see and touch the stone. They also have artists on staff who can produce artwork that will show well on the chosen stone; this does matter, especially with intricate designs or lots of lettering -- a mottled stone might be pretty, but it can also obliterate whatever is etched into it. Keep in mind that the shops would be subject to litigation if they produced a monument using copyrighted art -- your dearly departed may have loved his Ford pickup, but the Ford company might object to having their logo on a headstone.

As for epitaphs, monument shops and funeral homes can assist, there are books full of them. Again, this is the safest course as such writings tend to be in the public domain.

There were times, when I was working in a monument shop, that a family would bring in original artwork for us to reproduce on a stone. Sometimes we had to say no (like when they wanted the artwork to include a prominent swastika or featured vulgar images or words); even cemeteries like to "keep it clean".

Hope some of this helps!

[Kaleva]

8. Check out cemeteries in neighboring states for headstones with same last names

Nice headstones can be had for little more then gas money.

It's best to do this late at night lest you run into someone with attitude issues.

[panader0]

9. Have you considered cremation?

It's cheaper, no plot, no tombstone, no space taken. That's what I'll do, like my mom and grandfather before me.
Ashes to ashes...

[csziggy]

10. If the person is a veteran, you have to order the marker stone through the VA

For my Dad, the funeral home handled it. We had to provide a copy of his discharge papers and his death certificate for them to send in. Dad died in August, last time I checked (in January) the stone was still not in place.

The veteran marker stone is a flat stone that is often placed at the foot of the grave. It has the name, rank, service, birth and death dates.

In Dad' case, we did not have to order a headstone - when my oldest sister died, my parents bought the last four plots in the old section of the town cemetery. On one side, they put her married surname, on the other they put theirs. Since both Mom & Dad were veterans and would be getting the veteran markers, they had a similar style put on my sister's grave.

The big headstone was ordered through the funeral home but you can also go to a monument company directly. And yes, they have books with styles and epitaths. My family is very staid and only gets the bare minimum facts on their stones.

[No Vested Interest]

11. Spouse's headstone was ordered through the cemetery.

Cemetery had sample headstones in their office.
They took down the color and type of stone to be used.
We designed the border - a celtic rope - which cemetery reproduced on the order sheet for the monument company.
I have no doubt the cemetery got a cut of the payment, which was okay be me considering timong and circumstances.

I want to order a bench with family name, which will serve as the memorial for all the family. I have a total of six graves, only one used so far.
This cemetery was chosen because there are ancestors there, going back to great-great-grandparents, so it just seemed fitting.

[DebJ]

12. Engraving is incredibly, ridiculously expensive. n/t

[orleans]

13. someone else told me that

do they charge by the line? the letter? the comma & period?

[DebJ]

14. the letter, for my mother-in-law in Jersey. n/t