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Tom_Foolery

(4,691 posts)
Mon Mar 24, 2014, 03:30 PM Mar 2014

I felt like I was in a crazy romance movie this past weekend...

First, today is the 10th anniversary of my joining DU. In that time, I've never posted anything that affected me personally; however, events this past weekend have me in a quandary.

For almost 40 years, I have often thought about my high school crush. I can still remember the first time I saw her in 1974. We never dated, but we were friends. I never had the guts to ask her out because I was the typical awkward teenage boy with no self-esteem. I always thought that she was too pretty for me and that she was attracted to the bad boys. I would leave her little anonymous notes and presents. They always seemed to make her happy, but she never knew that they were from me. Well, after high school, we went our separate ways. I did talk to her a few times, but she moved away.

Well, the time went by quickly. In the early 90s, I contacted her sister to ask for her address; and she gave it to me. I wrote her a friendly letter; and she wrote back with the usual platitudes, ending the letter by saying that maybe we'd meet again someday.

Another eight years go by; and of course, the internet is a big deal by then. I found her email and sent her a message. She replied to let me know that she was married and had two sons. I figured that she was unavailable to me (yeah, like she ever had been). In my mind, it was over.

During this whole time, I was having wonderful relationships with fantastic women. I wound up getting married in 2002, but there was that feeling of what might have been. My wife and I divorced in 2009. I adopted her daughter, so now I have a beautiful daughter and two grandsons.

Okay, last Friday evening, my sister was at a birthday party that was being held at a local restaurant. She called me about 9:00 to let me know that there was a lady there who wanted to talk to me. The lady told me who she was. It was my high school crush. She asked me if I remembered her. I said that I had been remembering her for 40 years. She asked me to come to the restaurant to see her. I said that I might. After we hung up, I jumped up; put on different clothes; and went out the door in less than a minute.

Now I haven't seen her for 35 years. The last time she saw me, I had not reached my full height and I was overweight. I finished growing to a height of 6' 1" and grew into my weight. Also, I've been working out for 30 years. Besides the fact that I have lost most of my hair, I think I look pretty good for 53.

I walked into the restaurant and spotted her immediately. She looked absolutely beautiful to me, as she always did. I could still see the teenage girl that I've thought about all these years. She looked at me and started to smile when everyone told her who I was. She jumped up and grabbed me around the neck. One of her friends asked her if she would have recognized me if she had walked by me on the street. She said that she would have because she always loved my eyes.

We sat and talked. She kept putting her arms around me and touching her face to mine. She finally told me that she had always had a thing for me and "kind of" stalked me. She even remembered where I lived as a kid. I told her that I wished I had known that back then.

She told me that she was in town because her mother had died. I gave her my sympathies. I lost my mother seven years ago, so I know how rough it can be. We talked some more, and then her attitude changed. She started to give me the cold shoulder. She kept telling me that she wasn't ignoring me, but she was.

It was getting late, so I was ready to leave. I went to her to let her know that I was leaving. I told her again that I was sorry to hear about her mother. She grabbed me around the neck again and kissed me on my ear, almost sticking her tongue in it.

On Sunday, I stopped by the funeral home to pay my respects to her and her family. I met her sons. She hugged me and told me that we need to keep in touch.

Well, she is now divorced; but she has a boyfriend back home. I have no intentions of pursuing her because she lives a 1,000 miles away. The whole event has left me with a feeling of regret, knowing that she was attracted to me back then; and neither of us did anything about it.

So there you have it.



24 replies = new reply since forum marked as read
Highlight: NoneDon't highlight anything 5 newestHighlight 5 most recent replies
I felt like I was in a crazy romance movie this past weekend... (Original Post) Tom_Foolery Mar 2014 OP
"For of all sad words of tongue or pen, The saddest are these: 'It might have been!'". n/t PoliticAverse Mar 2014 #1
Ain't that the truth... Tom_Foolery Mar 2014 #5
Thank you very much for this. Yavin4 Mar 2014 #2
You are very welcome! n/t Tom_Foolery Mar 2014 #6
Life is too short. Xyzse Mar 2014 #3
Excellent suggestions... Tom_Foolery Mar 2014 #7
Great story theboss Mar 2014 #4
Yeah, I've been lingering for 40 years... Tom_Foolery Mar 2014 #8
Send her some flowers theboss Mar 2014 #9
Yeah, I can easily do it... Tom_Foolery Mar 2014 #11
movie suggestion for your first date Enrique Mar 2014 #10
Wow, that hits close to home... Tom_Foolery Mar 2014 #12
also the two of you are probably better looking Enrique Mar 2014 #13
She is for sure... Tom_Foolery Mar 2014 #14
It's been almost 40 years and you're still attracted to her, so... R B Garr Mar 2014 #15
You have a point... Tom_Foolery Mar 2014 #16
Maybe you should tell her that just like you did here! :) She might really like hearing that. R B Garr Mar 2014 #17
I agree with you completely... Tom_Foolery Mar 2014 #18
She kissed your ear like that to let you know she's attracted to you. It wasn't R B Garr Mar 2014 #19
You have offered me some excellent advice... Tom_Foolery Mar 2014 #23
was she drinking? grasswire Mar 2014 #21
She was sober when I arrived... Tom_Foolery Mar 2014 #22
Well maybe this is your second chance... flying rabbit Mar 2014 #20
Thank you! Tom_Foolery Mar 2014 #24

Xyzse

(8,217 posts)
3. Life is too short.
Mon Mar 24, 2014, 03:59 PM
Mar 2014

As a guy younger than you, I only have a few loves.

However, I for one would at least tell her some way, that those little anonymous notes and presents were from you.
The way I would do it, would be:

-Think about the most memorable ones you've done.
-Create something small that would reference a bunch of those together

Send it with sympathy flowers.

Basically, it is for sympathies to her loss, while showing what you have done throughout the years but still placing some distance in regards to your attraction.

Everything else would be up in the air, but at least it is out there.

 

theboss

(10,491 posts)
4. Great story
Mon Mar 24, 2014, 04:09 PM
Mar 2014

A favorite high school teacher of mine was divorced with a teenage son and seemed well on her way to spinsterhood when she went to a 25 year reunion and ran into her old prom date. Turned out he was a highly successful businessman who was about two years out from a divorce.

Within three years, they were married and have apparently been traveling the world ever since.

So...who knows......

Those high school crushes can linger though, can't they?

 

theboss

(10,491 posts)
9. Send her some flowers
Mon Mar 24, 2014, 04:40 PM
Mar 2014

Get some Cialis
And figure out a reason to be in her town "on business."

You can do this!!

Tom_Foolery

(4,691 posts)
11. Yeah, I can easily do it...
Mon Mar 24, 2014, 04:46 PM
Mar 2014

But there's the boyfriend thing. I don't play that game. Also, I don't need any Cialis...yet.

Tom_Foolery

(4,691 posts)
16. You have a point...
Mon Mar 24, 2014, 06:00 PM
Mar 2014

If it weren't for her current boyfriend, I'd zip across those 1,000 miles like cupid hunting cwazy wovers!

R B Garr

(16,990 posts)
17. Maybe you should tell her that just like you did here! :) She might really like hearing that.
Mon Mar 24, 2014, 06:17 PM
Mar 2014

From what you described, she's quite receptive and even reciprocated your attraction back in the day, but you both didn't pursue anything. Maybe the boyfriend is just a placeholder.

But from what you described, she obviously likes you, and that's making you smile. Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

Tom_Foolery

(4,691 posts)
18. I agree with you completely...
Mon Mar 24, 2014, 07:56 PM
Mar 2014

I was so taken aback by what she said and the kiss on the ear. I'm wondering if she was sending me mixed messages. I've had women do that to me in the past. I was just expecting a nice conversation and that would be it. If she has a serious relationship back home, why did she say those things and kiss my ear? It all came out of left field. Yeah, we're not getting any younger. I don't think I'll be here in another 40 years.

R B Garr

(16,990 posts)
19. She kissed your ear like that to let you know she's attracted to you. It wasn't
Tue Mar 25, 2014, 12:20 AM
Mar 2014

just a friendly peck and definitely had a tone of sensuality to it which means sexual attraction.

She most likely is sending you mixed messages, and probably because she's confused/conflicted herself. OTOH, what she was saying and how she was acting didn't really seem that mixed. She's into you.

She does have the added component of a boyfriend, but that didn't seem to stop her from acting on her attraction. I will say that he probably has that advantage right now just because of proximity, but if she knows you're interested, all that might change. I would think that you have had enough positive interaction with her both verbally and physically that it would not be that risky for you to at least let her know how much you're attracted to her. There seems to be enough mutual past and present interest expressed that it seems almost a shame to not explore it. At the least, I'm sure you will make her happy to let her know how much you've liked her, just like it's made you smile to know that she reciprocated your attraction way back when. Being happy and knowing you are and/or were special to someone is exhilarating. Maybe you two will want to come back for more of that. Sounds exciting!



Tom_Foolery

(4,691 posts)
23. You have offered me some excellent advice...
Tue Mar 25, 2014, 10:26 AM
Mar 2014

I really appreciate it. I will take all of this into consideration. I don't want to be too pushy and alienate her. Thank you!!

grasswire

(50,130 posts)
21. was she drinking?
Tue Mar 25, 2014, 02:39 AM
Mar 2014

It sounds a bit like she was slightly tipsy.

Okay, you could look at this through the lens of a Hallmark movie. Do something sweet but respectful. Then you'll know if there's a chance.

Tom_Foolery

(4,691 posts)
22. She was sober when I arrived...
Tue Mar 25, 2014, 10:22 AM
Mar 2014

I think she was feeling good when I left. She was sober when she told me that she "kind of" stalked me.

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