Post your favorite bands or musicians, and I'll tell you why they suck!

[cemaphonic]

Yeah, the elections have me in a mood. So post bands you like (or hate), and I'll tell you why they are awful.

[Tom Ripley]

1. Lothar and the Hand People

[cemaphonic]

6. Named after a painfully unfunny SNL bit

I know what you're thinking, but the laws of time, space and causality mean nothing in the face of Lothar's suckiness.

Also, theremin player.

[Lochloosa]

2. Gov't Mule. Live, of course.

[Lochloosa]

3. Wide Spread Panic. Live, of course.

[Lochloosa]

4. Derek Trucks. Live, of course.

[panader0]

8. Yeah--With Susan Tedeschi

[Lochloosa]

5. ....

[cemaphonic]

7. I think all of your entries can be summed up by "90s jamband"

Pretty sure there's a entire ring in Dante's Inferno assigned to 90s jambands. Right by the forest of suicides.

[shenmue]

9. No

[cemaphonic]

10. Noh music

Shrill, ear-piercing flute plays like 3 different notes, over and over, slowly until your head explodes. The drums are ok though.

[Boom Sound 416]

11. Soul Couging

[Initech]

12. Taylor Swift!!!

[cemaphonic]

14. Kanye was a hero

Bland whitebread pop, even by contemporary country standards.

[NRaleighLiberal]

13. Love Pat Metheny Group, Arcade Fire, The National, Radiohead.

have at it!

[cemaphonic]

16. That's a bunch

Pat Metheny - Silly hair, and jazz fusion should have died after Bitches Brew

The National - Most of the stuff I've heard from them sounds like all those late 80s bands that tried to sound like The Cure. Not familiar enough to really tear into them though.

Radiohead sucks for that stupid text-to-speech song in the middle of OK Computer

Don't know Arcade Fire's music, but their name always reminds me of those dorks that put covers of the Super Mario Brothers and Legend of Zelda theme all over Youtube.

[NRaleighLiberal]

17. Great - and none of your pokes hurt me in the least!

Agree on Metheny's hair - but man, can he play.

Agree on the OK Computer song - stuff like that dates the album - but the songs around it fit like a glove to my taste.

Arcade Fire - strong progressives, and their music is positive and has great energy.

Thanks, though - feeling better?

[cemaphonic]

19. Yeah, this thread is all in good fun

Metheny is awesome, though my real jazz guitar hero is Bill Frisell.

[NRaleighLiberal]

20. Frisell - love him. And Towner and Abercrombie.

And Steve Tibbetts. I think I have the first 250 or so ECM releases - probably my favorite jazz label.

[Xipe Totec]

15. Tom Waits

[cemaphonic]

18. Oh yeah, that guy

Stole his singing style from Howlin' Wolf, and is reputed to be kind of a dick to fans. (OTOH, he spent his entire episode of Fishing with John being a dick, and it was pretty entertaining)

The video for "Downtown Train" is also pretty embarassing:

[Manifestor_of_Light]

21. Gustavo Dudamel

conducting the Los Angeles Philharmonic.

[cemaphonic]

24. Glorified metronome

that points a stick at people to get them to play in time, even though they're usually playing music that they've played a million times since their conservatory days.

[Manifestor_of_Light]

35. But he's got fabulous wild hair!!

Wild hair is important for conductors.

I spent many years in orchestras (high school, college and community) and I played some pretty wild stuff that I was NOT used to playing. I was NOT on automatic. In fact, oftentimes, with 20th century music, I had to tap my foot to keep up with the changing time signatures. Stravinsky, Bartok and Prokofief are full of changing time signatures. But you're right about the standard symphonic repertoire--Beethoven, Tchaikovsky and Brahms.

Besides, Gustavo is a product of La Sistema, the program in Venezuela that takes 100,000 school children at age five, sticks an instrument in their hands, and they learn it, to keep them out of gangs and doing something constructive. I've seen a video of Gustavo conducting the Simon Bolivar National Youth Orchestra in the symphonic dances from West Side Story. Difficult music.
Gustavo was a fiddler. And yet we in the United States think art and music in the schools are a luxury.

[nomorenomore08]

22. Dylan? Replacements? Husker Du? Jesus and Mary Chain?

[cemaphonic]

25. Dylan

Legendary for his inability to sing on pitch, or in a tone that doesn't resemble an angry cat. Likes to wear a creepy mustache


Husker Du - obsessed with Vietnam, even though they were an 80s punk band.

[nomorenomore08]

27. Can't really disagree on Dylan's voice. But there's no one like him, as a singer or a lyricist. n/t

[geardaddy]

33. We just saw his show here in Minneapolis

at the theater he used to own. Good show. The first half was better than the second.

[Tom Kitten]

23. The Groundhogs

probably recorded twenty years before you were born...

[UglyGreed]

26. Bay City Rollers

[orleans]

54. !!

i love this fun song

and this was used in the film "love actually"

[Iggo]

28. Judas Priest.

I dare ya.

[cemaphonic]

42. I've never really listened to them, or cared much for 80s metal

but, I do think it's funny that they got the 80s homophobic metal culture all dressing up in leatherdaddy gear.

[malthaussen]

29. Mormon Tabernacle Choir. n/t

[progressoid]

30. Starland Vocal Band

[Fearless]

65. I feel I may be the one to tell you this...

In the words of my avatar: "Star land Vocal Band? They suck!"

[progressoid]

69. Yes they do.

Afternoon Delight is one of the songs from my youth that make me cringe.

and The Night Chicago Died.
and Billy, Don't Be a Hero.
and...

[sendero]

31. I don't listen to awful.

..... so I really couldn't help you

[Tommy_Carcetti]

32. Nickleback, followed by Creed.

And a touch of Daughtry.

They are sacred cows of mine. Please, please, don't ravish them!

[geardaddy]

34. Matchbox 20, Counting Crows and Weezer

They are sooo much my favorite, please be nice about them. Please!

[cemaphonic]

37. Counting Crows

Annoying tendency to name their songs after much cooler pieces of music.

Mr. Jones

Einstein on the Beach:

As for Weezer, I was in college during the mid 90s, and if I never have to hear that Buddy Holly song again, it will be too soon.

[LP2K12]

36. Bob Seger or Eric Clapton

Have at it...

[cemaphonic]

38. Seger

"Old Time Rock and Roll" has got to be one of the most annoying repetitive songs to stick around in the classic rock canon. Lots of people seem to hate "Turn the Page" too.

Clapton - turning "Layla", a song full of strong, raw emotion and some of the best instrumental interplay in rock music, into Starbucks wallpaper music.

[My Good Babushka]

39. They Might Be Giants!

[cemaphonic]

41. Calling card for 80s nerds that reference funny things as a substitute for actual humor.

If someone starts singing Particle Man around you, you know you're only seconds away from having the complete works of Monty Python performed badly at you.

Also, accordian player.

And for coverting Tubthumping:

[My Good Babushka]

52. You say accordion player like it's a bad thing.

I missed out on TMBG in the '80s. I only started listening at Nanobots. They are much darker and contempt-filled than the stuff commonly known from Flood. I like Where Your Eyes Don't Go, and When Will You Die?

I don't like Monty Python, either.
Also, they didn't make Tubthumping any any worse, so I'll give them a pass on that.

[cemaphonic]

63. All in good fun

I love TMBG and accordions.

Even their children's music is awesome

[Paulie]

40. Deborah "Debbie" Gibson

"Just can't shake your love".

[orleans]

43. .....

[cemaphonic]

49. Juvenile potty "humor"

Spent a zillion dollars on a Synclavier when had he waited (well, and also not died) could have picked up a digital workstation with twice the capability for a fraction of the cost.

[betsuni]

44. Excuse me, but "Never say an unkind word about The Time."

[cemaphonic]

48. Prince's sloppy seconds

Albeit one of the better ones.

[betsuni]

50. Moar sloppy seconds

Such fun:

[lame54]

45. Pavement...

give it your best shot - i've heard it all before

you'll be as wrong as they were

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

46. Dimmu Borgir.

[taterguy]

47. Superchunk

[LostOne4Ever]

51. Rise Against and Within Temptation (nt)

[DFW]

53. Les Voix Bulgares

(La Mystère de)

[Rhiannon12866]

55. The Beatles

[JeffHead]

56. Johann Gambolputty-

de-von-ausfern-schplenden-schlitter-crasscrenbon-fried-digger-dingle-dangle-dongle-dungle-burstein-von-knackerthrasher-applebanger-horowitz-ticolensic-granderknotty-spelltinkle-grandlich-grumblemeyer-spelterwasser-kürstlich-himbleeisen-bahnwagen-guten-abend-bitte-einen-nürnburger-bratwürstel-gespurten-mit-zweimache-luber-hundsfut-gumberaber-schönendanker-kalbsfleisch-mittelraucher-von-hauptkopft of Ulm.

For sure the greatest name in German Baroque music

[calimary]

59. This may be my favorite post of the month!

Not only for Gambolputty-etc but for the Hightower quote!!!

[Art_from_Ark]

61. Johann Gambolputty-

de-von-ausfern-schplenden-schlitter-crasscrenbon-fried-digger-dingle-dangle-dongle-dungle-burstein-von-knackerthrasher-applebanger-horowitz-ticolensic-granderknotty-spelltinkle-grandlich-grumblemeyer-spelterwasser-kürstlich-himbleeisen-bahnwagen-guten-abend-bitte-einen-nürnburger-bratwürstel-gespurten-mit-zweimache-luber-hundsfut-gumberaber-schönendanker-kalbsfleisch-mittelraucher-von-hauptkopft of Ulm

RAWKS!!!!!! My most favorite German baroque one-man band of all time!!!

[cemaphonic]

62. This post is driving me nuts

I remember hearing or reading some Baroque composer's name that was fascinatingly repetitive, but now I can't remember what it is, and Google is no help either.

[lovemydog]

67. Perhaps it was a relative of his wife Sarah Gambolputty-

de-von-ausfern-schplenden-schlitter-crasscrenbon-fried-digger-dingle-dangle-dongle-dungle-burstein-von-knackerthrasher-applebanger-horowitz-ticolensic-granderknotty-spelltinkle-grandlich-grumblemeyer-spelterwasser-kürstlich-himbleeisen-bahnwagen-guten-abend-bitte-einen-nürnburger-bratwürstel-gespurten-mit-zweimache-luber-hundsfut-gumberaber-schönendanker-kalbsfleisch-mittelraucher-von-hauptkopft of Ulm.

[lovemydog]

66. When I want to relax to some German Baroque music, Johann Gambolputty-

de-von-ausfern-schplenden-schlitter-crasscrenbon-fried-digger-dingle-dangle-dongle-dungle-burstein-von-knackerthrasher-applebanger-horowitz-ticolensic-granderknotty-spelltinkle-grandlich-grumblemeyer-spelterwasser-kürstlich-himbleeisen-bahnwagen-guten-abend-bitte-einen-nürnburger-bratwürstel-gespurten-mit-zweimache-luber-hundsfut-gumberaber-schönendanker-kalbsfleisch-mittelraucher-von-hauptkopft of Ulm is usually the name I think of first.

[Manifestor_of_Light]

82. Johann Nepomuk Hummel -- decomposing composers (Monty Python)

[Ampersand Unicode]

57. Bruce Springsteen?

Please none of the "he pretends to be so working-class but he lives in a mansion" stuff...

You might want to see this article too

http://www.buzzfeed.com/perpetua/do-these-musicians-suck-or-rule

I say that everyone on this list except Billy Joel, U2, DMB, Foo Fighters, and Phil Collins sucks. U2's '80s stuff was good, but Bono can be kind of a douche. I don't like rap, so go ahead and say that Jay-Z sucks (and Beyonce too, she sucks... everyone else). John Mayer and Coldplay are so emo, and Lady Gaga is embarrassing. A lot of the others I had never even heard of, so go ahead and say they suck too.

BTW, my fellow Millennials are obviously tone-deaf, because Timberlake does suck.

[cemaphonic]

64. I can't come up with anything mean to say about Springsteen

that hasn't already been said a million times before. So I'll just go with my #1 example of Phil Collins sucking:

For comparison, here is Collins being awesome with the rest of Genesis:

[Ampersand Unicode]

70. You catfished me :)

I thought you actually couldn't come up with anything mean to say about Bruce. Silly me.

About Phil, though, I'll give you "Can't Hurry Love." Was the theme song to a terrible '80s movie about a video dating service.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/You_Can%27t_Hurry_Love_%28film%29

Starring Bridget Fonda, Jake Steinfeld from the workout ads, Joe Isuzu, and some other people.

[LeftInTX]

58. The Artie Barsamian orchestra

[Mopar151]

60. All the "country artists" who wrap their ass in the stars and stripes

Charlie Daniels, Lee Greenwood...Several others whom I mercifylly cannot name

[LynneSin]

68. I just LUUUUUVVVVSSS Justin Bieber!!!!

Go ahead and tell me how he sucks

[mopinko]

71. steve earle.

i dare you.

[Shrek]

72. The Who

Meat Loaf

Joe Walsh

[cemaphonic]

73. The Who

"Who Are You" and "You Better You Bet" is a pretty steep decline from stuff like "I Can See For Miles", and "Baba O'Riley."

Meat Loaf was cool in Rocky Horror Picture Show and Fight Club. Nowhere else

Joe Walsh - Was in the Eagles. Also, "Life's Been Good" is a terrible song.

[sir pball]

74. Rush

I mean, besides Geddy Lee sounding like somebody took a nail gun to his testicles.

[cemaphonic]

81. Yes, pretty much that

Also the Ayn Rand fanboyism, although I understand they've come to their senses about that.

[Special Prosciuto]

75. Critique the Legendary Stardust Cowboy

before I call you a Casey Kasem.

[GreatGazoo]

76. Mozart

[cemaphonic]

85. Sent gross and creepy letters to his cousin

[3catwoman3]

77. James...

Taylor.

[cemaphonic]

86. The true face of evil

[okieinpain]

78. ohio players.

[bigwillq]

79. Robyn

Let's hear it.

[irisblue]

80. Pink

go for it,

[Curmudgeoness]

83. John Prine.

You can't find anything bad about Prine.

[NickB79]

84. Boyz II Men and Counting Crows.

[cemaphonic]

87. Boyz II Men - I was in choir in high school when they were big

At every big multi-school event that we went to, there were roaming packs of barbershop quartets (yes, choir nerds are even less cool than band nerds) singing that "It's so hard to say goodbye to yesterday" song to impress girls. Fuck them.

This was pretty rad though: