My mother passed way a half hour ago............

[snappyturtle]

I'm so lost....she's been in my life 64 yrs. How does one get over this loss?

Edit: not over it, but through it? My touchsstone is gone...I talked with her earlier this
evening and for the first time ever she told me she loved me before I did...did she know?

[denbot]

1. You have my condolences

I don't know how to get over something like this, one just endures the pain.

[Justice wanted]

2. Oh I am so sorry.

[helderheid]

3. I can't imagine. There are no words, just know you're in my thoughts and heart tonight.

[snappyturtle]

35. If I were a member of the wild animal kingdom, I'd be dinner for my predators. It's surreal. nt

[applegrove]

4. vibes and hugs.

[bluesbassman]

5. So sorry for your loss.

Time and activity are the only things I can offer. Lost my mom in '98 and my dad in '06. Still grieve for them, but it's the good memories I hold on to.

[WhoIsNumberNone]

6. Condolences

It's very tough. When my mom went I spent about six months wanting to call her and then remembering that I couldn't.

[snappyturtle]

16. Oh I KNOW that is coming! I remember MOM telling me that when my grandmother passed away.

[Whoa_Nelly]

7. Many heartfelt condolences to you and yours, snappyturtle

I am so sorry for your loss, and the shock and grieving you are going through right now.
Hold on to all you know to be true.

I hope someone is with you right now.
Please come back if you need anything.
We are here for you.

[snappyturtle]

17. Thank you Whoa Nelly...I'm alone. closest relative 1500 miles away. I knew DU

would still be awake and I so need to talk while that back mind place is putting priorities in line. Thanks for being here.

[Whoa_Nelly]

23. For you, snappyturtle

[crunch60]

41. My Mom was in the hospital and my two brothers were with her

she was very ill. I was 2,000 miles away. Christmas Eve. They put the phone to her ear and I talked to her, told her I loved her, and their was a terrible silence. She was gone. The world at that moment seemed so still ,so quiet and I didn't want to hang up the phone. It was her favorite holiday.
Snappyturtle, I just want you to know I really understand your emotional pain right now as I was also alone and so far from her when she died.
The physical loss is so permanent, but the wonderful memories of her are very strong and will always be with me.

Sending you a and my sincere condolences for the loss of your Mom.

[Swede]

8. Oh,sad news.

Sorry for this loss. May you and her find peace.

[libodem]

9. So sorry for your loss

It takes time. It does get easier. You had her a long time.

[snappyturtle]

19. Having her for a long time comes with mixed blessings. I think having her for so

long makes it more difficult....that and I'm getting older and not so big on things abrupty changing.

[auntAgonist]

10. I'm so sorry for your loss.

My Mother passed away in '97. You never really get over it. Allow the good memories to bring joy to your heart.



aA
kesha

[snagglepuss]

11. I am so sorry for such a profound loss but your mom will always be near you.

That she told you she loved you before you did is a clear sign that on some level she knew. That deep bond between you and your mom will not end.

[snappyturtle]

14. Ok I'm crying now,,,,can't tell you how comforting your words are. I'm not a religious

person but right now I hope there is another dimension. I feel like I've been abandoned...odd since I knew this was coming soon.

[flvegan]

12. I am so very sorry.

My best wishes to you and your family and her loved ones.

My experience has been you don't get over it. You just get through it.

[snappyturtle]

13. Thank you.... I'm so thankflul for Du tonight....I'm alone

Just moved to Texas, well back here, after a divorce of about two years to straighten out some things.She was very old..95 but..........now to get back home. I knew this was very imminent so I've been searching for flights..........the short notice ones are awful.

[Angry Dragon]

22. Used to be if you had to fly for a funeral

you could get a discount
I do not know about now

[snappyturtle]

31. Nope not now. Over a thousand dollars to fly San Antonio to Chicago round trip.

No bereavement, funeral, imminent dimise..whatever flights. I can do it but my food budget will suck for a long time. But, that's OK...at least I do have the money on hand...I've been piching pennies for three months knowing what was coming...so it could be a lot worse.

[Angry Dragon]

45. I have had good luck going through Kayak.com

[Whoa_Nelly]

28. You call the airline directly

And tell them you have had a death in your family, and that you need bereavement airfare.
Look up the airline you want to use and include bereavement in your search.
Someone will work with you on the price to get you on a flight ASAP.


Here is one such site with info:
http://airtravel.about.com/od/travelindustrynews/qt/aabereave.htm

(Sorry for the multiple posts. It was not going through from my end, or showing when I checked to see if it had posted)

[snappyturtle]

33. OH! thank you so much! No worry over mulltiple postings....I KNOW. nt

[FloridaJudy]

52. I did it through a travel agent

She managed to get me on a Christmas Eve flight with a few hours notice and at a huge discount. Of course, this was 15 years ago: I don't even know if there are travel agents around any more, since most people book on-line these days. But if you have any locally, get in touch. The woman really came through for me!

[Marrah_G]

38. My friend works for Delta

http://www.delta.com/planning_reservations/special_travel_needs/bereavement/index.jsp

He suggests checking out this link.

[Dystopian]

15. Heartfelt condolences

snappyturtle~

I'm so sorry for the loss of your beloved mother.
One does not get over the loss...we go on with life and treasure the memories.
This comes with time....time is all we have ..
Sadly, I know. Thankfully....I know.

You will find your way ....

Peace, love and blessings to you and your family...




peace~

[snappyturtle]

20. Thank you...from the bottom of me heart. I need this tonight.

[FloridaJudy]

18. I'm so very sorry.

One never really gets over it, but it does get easier with time.

Be good to yourself. Find a comfortable shoulder to cry on. If you have siblings, hug them hard. And don't be afraid to cry.

[img][/img]

[snappyturtle]

21. I have an older brother and a twin sister. The sister won't answer my calls..hasn't for 5 years.

Even tonight she doesn't call me back. My brother is wonderful.....I'm hoping my sister will come along and come back to me...we're going to be spending some time together now. I spent nine months nursing Mom back from a broken hip in 2010...glad we had those days together.

[Old and In the Way]

29. Sorry for your loss.

Take heart in knowing you had such a long life with her. You'll have many good memories to remember her by.

[GoddessOfGuinness]

30. I'm so sorry, Snappyturtle...

I'll be keeping you and your family in my thoughts and prayers, and hoping that your sister will come around...You all need each other now.

I'm guessing your mom did know, and wanted to be sure you know how much she loves you. ~hugs~

[snappyturtle]

34. Thank you GoddessOfGuiness...she was a super lady...a real lady in the old

fashioned sense. Although we had huge political differences (I hope she ahd heard about RUSH 'cause she loved him) we loved each other. This is something I don't understand today...bear with me...How come MOM and I could vehemently disagree politically and we still functioned together?
My mind is all over the place.

[pacalo]

32. I'm so sorry, snappyturtle.

[csziggy]

36. Condolences, snappyturtle

[Marrah_G]

37. I'm so sorry- it has to be so painful

All I can do is give you a virtual hug and know that other DUers who have been through this will help you through it too.

[UrbScotty]

39. I am so sorry, snappyturtle.

I don't have any advice, but I'm sending you good vibes.

[emsimon33]

40. Yes, she knew

and she will always be with you. The pain of loss dulls with time but it never goes away...at least not in my experience.

But know that she is near even if you can't hug her.

[colorado_ufo]

42. Bless you, snappyturtle.

My mother died two years ago this March 21, five days before her first great-grandchild - my first "own" grandchild - was born. I also lived over 1,000 miles away from her, but I was there with her when she passed. (I made it back for my grandchld's birth by 10 minutes!) My three siblings and I, all long grown-up adults, felt suddenly lost. Mom was the family's anchor, the grounding point, the "glue" that held us all together, no matter where we were.

It has taken time to reorient ourselves, and we are still working on it. We were worried that we might drift apart, but we have instead made an effort to draw closer together - if not in distance, then emotionally. I make a big effort to travel to see them more often.

Some things, however, have progressed slowly: Mom's house is still being cleared of her things, little by little, as it is difficult for us to go through them. For us, being alone (Dad passed in 1990) has forced us to take a different type of "baby steps." I think none of us really grows up completely until we are left as the "adults."

All of we children have had the urge to call Mom, then realized that it is no longer possible. The phone is still connected, and several times I dialed the number just to hear the answering machine. No one cares about what goes on in your life as much as your mother.

Snappyturtle, no one gets over this loss; but we do get through it. Be very patient with yourself. And please, please, please take extra good care of your health: eat right, sleep when you can, take walks, get your flu shot, go to the dentist, whatever. After both losses, my father and my mother, I was not able to take the time to grieve but instead forced myself to go on with things I thought I "had" to do. The result - both times - was when I finally was able to take a break, I came down with severe illness: bacterial pneumonia, thyroiditis, raging cases of strep infection, and more. I had gotten completely run down, and my body did the grieving that I refused to let my mind do.

Finally, if you ever feel alone, remember that there are those of us on DU that understand, and care, and want to surround you with love. We hope you can feel it.

[snappyturtle]

53. Thank you. It was a long night but I slept some. After I awakened but before I

came 'to' today seemed normal enough and then I remembered. My health is a big concern right now...bad asthma and not under control...I don't know if I have the strength to fly.

[JCMach1]

43. So sorry...

[JI7]

44. i'm sorry

[myrna minx]

46. I'm so sorry.

[sarge43]

47. Condolences snappyturtle

We do heal. You will in time be able to think of your mother without pain. You'll remember her and smile. Her memory will be with you always.

Strength, comfort and peace.

[HappyMe]

48. I'm so sorry, snappyturtle.

Your mom will always be with you in your heart and memories.

[Bonobo]

49. She knew.

MY mother passed away 2 years ago this week. I know your pain although my mom was much younger.

We must be our own parents now. I am so sorry.

Time will pass and you will recover. For now, be kind to yourself and stay close to your loved ones and let yourself feel however you feel.

I am so sorry.

[vaberella]

50. My condolences.

This is how I felt about my dad. I'm sure she knew. I felt like my dad knew. God...my sincere condolences.

[Amaril]

51. So sorry for your loss, snappyturtle.

I lost my mom in 2007 (and my dad 3 years before that). It's hard, but you will make it through. Feel free to lean on all of us whenever you need.

[yellerpup]

54. Sorry for your loss, snappyturtle.

She knew for sure that she loved you and she wanted you to know it, too. Be good to yourself.

[nuxvomica]

55. My condolences, snappyturtle

It's tough to lose a parent because they always represented some sense of permanence in the world. It's like you wake up one morning and a mountain has disappeared from the horizon or some law of physics was repealed. Some lines from Wordsworth that kept running through my mind after my dad's passing:

The Rainbow comes and goes,
And lovely is the Rose,
The Moon doth with delight
Look round her when the heavens are bare;
Waters on a starry night
Are beautiful and fair;
The sunshine is a glorious birth;
But yet I know, where'er I go,
That there hath past away a glory from the earth.

Peace to you and your family.

[boston bean]

56. I am sorry snappy.

my condolences to you and your family.

[hedgehog]

57. I'm so sorry - just take it minute by minute for a while....

and be comforted that she didn't want to leave you, but she had to journey on ahead of you.

[av8rdave]

58. I am so sorry for your loss

My Mom has been gone for 11 years, but she's never really gone. I think about her daily, and just about every thought or decision at least subconsciously filters through the "how would mom see this" thing.

I think of it as a permanent gift.

Consider yourself lucky to have had such a wonderful relationship with her. She must have been something special!

[TuxedoKat]

59. I'm so sorry

for the loss of your beloved mother. (((HUGS))).

[Phentex]

60. I'm so sorry, snappy...

My heart goes out to you!

[dixiegrrrrl]

61. By now I hope you have found a flight.

I don't think one ever gets "over" the shock of losing a parent,
but one does get "through" it, eventually.
Like all shocks and losses it does take time.

and everyone grieves in their own way, so don't let anyone tell you how to do it.
Just take care of yourself, that is very important.

[mentalsolstice]

62. I have no words, however, you're in my thoughts right now. nt

[xchrom]

63. may Peace be with you and yours at this difficult time, snappyturtle.

i've lost my dad -- so i know how difficult this must be.

[auntAgonist]

64. I hope you were able to get a bit of rest last night. I want you to know

that I'm still thinking of you and wishing you peace at this very stressful and sad time in your life.



aA
kesha

[Arugula Latte]

65. I'm so sorry ...

[NewJeffCT]

66. You have my deepest sympathy

I'm sorry for your loss.

[Ron Obvious]

67. I'm so sorry...

I don't know you, but I'm so sorry for your loss.

As someone who lost his mother early in life, I envy you the 64 years you had with her.

Peace.

[VenusRising]

68. My hearfelt condolences, snappyturtle.

I hope you can find comfort in the memories you have of your mom.

Please, do not be afraid to seek grief counseling. It has helped me immensely in dealing with the sudden death of my husband.

Take care of yourself.

[emilyg]

69. My condolences.

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

70. I'm sorry.

It's a tough loss, even when you expected it - you're never really ready. Lost my mom six years ago and my dad last year. They were both elderly and in poor health, so their passing was not unexpected or shocking, but still -- I think of them every day. Still want to call them on the phone. You don't really get over it, but you get used to it, sort of. You hang on to all the good memories.

[barbtries]

71. she may have known.

she may be with you yet (i believe that she is). you will get through it. give yourself time to do all the grieving you need to do. be very, very nice to yourself. if you feel that your grief is becoming a chronic condition, seek counseling.
remember there is no wrong way or right way to grieve.
may she rest in peace. all the best to you and your family. snappyturtle!

the night before he died, my father called and spoke to my sister (he was in HI, we were in CA). something in his voice...did he say take care of your mother? i don't remember, but i do know that my sister has always believed that he did in fact know that he was going to die. he was only 49 years old. heart attack.

[hamsterjill]

72. My sympathies

My deepest sympathies to you. It is a testament to your mom that you are missing her so much. She raised you right, and I think it is wonderful that you and she had such a special relationship.

Time heals all wounds, they say. And I believe that to be true. Take the time that you need, and you will, eventually, be whole again. Because that is what your mother would want for you.

[Maine-ah]

73. I'm sorry, Snappy.

I'm sorry, Snappy. It's so hard to lose a parent.

[Dragonbreathp9d]

74. Love vibes prayers and thoughts with you and yours

[Kali]

75. so sorry

losing a parent you are close to is so difficult, someone upthread said they kept wanting to pick up a phone for a long time after - I still do that and it has been more than 15 years. I think it is part of the strong bond that stays with you after they are gone.

[Wait Wut]

76. There's nothing I can say to you.

She left knowing she was loved. You stay knowing you are loved. I think that's the only meaning of life.

[one_voice]

77. I'm so sorry for your loss!...

I have nothing to offer in the way of advice. Wishing you strength and peace!

[nolabear]

78. Oh my dear. i am so sorry.

Time and love. Good memories. It'll find a nice, quiet place in you that you can visit and always know is there.

Take care.

[avaistheone1]

79. Sorry.

She probably knew.

[onethatcares]

80. from my heart to you

I am so sorry for your loss.

[riderinthestorm]

81. I am so sorry for your loss. I hope you have friends and family to surround you and help you... nt

[dana_b]

82. there are no words

to express how that feels to lose a mom.

[lunatica]

83. The acute pain will go away but the abiding and deep love never will nor will the memories

For me it helped to affirm that my loved ones were worth every iota of pain I felt at losing them. My brother, my father and my mother many years apart but in that order.

[benld74]

84. Prayers go out,,,

Mine passed away 16 years ago, and some days it was yesterday.

[EFerrari]

85. I'm so sorry, snappyturtle.

My mother is 80 and I dread that day, every day.

[woo me with science]

86. snappyturtle,

I am so sorry.

[Solly Mack]

87. My heartfelt sympathies.

[Stuart G]

88. I am so sorry

[WilliamPitt]

89. (((HUG)))

[LaurenG]

90. I am so sorry for your loss

I wish you peace, it really is a terrible thing to have to withstand.

[RiffRandell]

91. Sincerest sympathies.

[MerryBlooms]

92. I'm so terribly sorry...

I lost my mom over 20 years ago, and no, you don't ever get over it, but you do get through it. My sons were young at the time, so I at least had that to keep me grounded. It will be tough, but you will find an inner strength you never knew you possessed. Take good care and know you're in our thoughts.

[Major Nikon]

93. I asked my dad that same question before he died

My dad had terminal cancer, so we got to talk a lot before he died. I asked him how long it took for him to get over his dad dying. He said you never do. The pain becomes less and less over time but it never goes away. That was 16 years ago, almost to the day now and I know exactly what he meant. You still think about them often and the loss still hurts. Eventually you just find a way to live with it.

[Phentex]

94. Hope you are hanging in there!