Death sucks.

[Maine-ah]

not something I expected to have to do until much later in life. My Mother is dying. She's finally home from being in a nursing home for about three months. In December, we were told two months, maybe a little longer if we were lucky. Mom is basically bed-bound, she will sit up in a chair for a little while during the day. 16 different meds, and high levels of oxygen are in use. Which we have stumped just about every respiratory therapists as she uses a cannula and a non- re-breather mask...at the same time. None of them have ever heard of this. It's medically necessary though to keep her oxygen levels up to normal. She's 67. I'm 37. I just for the first time had to clean her up after using the commode. I took a shot of Jameson's. That was medically necessary. I will get used to this, I know I will. I hate it. But I want her to have some form of quality of life until she leaves us. But I still fucking hate it. I will still do it. She is my last parent. My father died 17 years ago. He was 49.

Thanks for listening.

[dr.strangelove]

1. I am so sorry

I know from my own experience how hard this is. Honestly, when that time comes, unless it is legal in whereever I am living at the time, I am moving back home to Oregon to take control of my death and go when I am ready for it. Its not for everyone, but I think it would be for me.

I wish you and your family peace and I hope your mom is pain free until the end. I hope her quality of life improves, but if not, that she can take some joy from her time with you. Most of all, I hope that this period of poor quality of life goes quickly for her and for all of your family. I will keep you in my thoughts.

[seabeyond]

2. .

hate it. i hear ya. and still, you are giving such a gift and it will be with you for ever, what you do for your mom.

to you all

[bluesbassman]

3. I know what you're going through.

Went through a similar experience with my dad five years ago. The only thing I can say is that you'll be glad you were there for her down the road. Stay strong like I know you will.

[dana_b]

4. yes it does

and I'm so sorry that you are going through this.

[Bertha Venation]

5. I don't know what to say.

You are a good child.

[siligut]

6. You are giving her the best care she could receive

You are a very good daughter and I know you can do it and I know it is very difficult. I took care of my mother during the last two weeks of her life and looking back, I wouldn't trade those two weeks for anything.

[Kali]

7. yes but for some attending it can be an ultimatly good experience

take care of yourself too, you will get through this

peace and rest to your Mother

[Swede]

8. You're a good daughter,Maine-ah.

Looking after our aging parents is no fun,but we gotta do it.

[hedgehog]

9. You are both too young to be facing this. We're here to listen.

[Old and In the Way]

10. A lot of us have walked in your shoes....and many others will in the future.

My mom passed away 13 years ago from ALS....we pretty much home-cared her to the end. My sisters had to deal with the bathroom issues, but we all took turns caring for her as best we could. I hope you have siblings to help spell you? If not, I know it has to be even harder, physically and emotionally. PM me if I can help.

[we can do it]

11. So sorry, it sucks losing your parents.

Especially when you have to watch them suffer....hugs to you

[YankeyMCC]

12. Of course you'll manage to get through this and good to

acknowledge the suckiness and hate...All my sympathy and hope for peace for you and your Mom

[Taverner]

13. Yes it does. Really sucks. Death, in fact, is humanity's only enemy.

Everything else is an abstraction.

Fuck death. It cheats too many of us out of meaningful years that would make the world a better place.

The thought of an afterlife convinces otherwise rational people that death is some kind of release. It is not. It is death, of EVERYTHING. Death of your mind, death of your soul and death of you.

Fuck death.

I will always fight you to the end, as long as I am able.

[frogmarch]

14. I'm so sorry.

I don't know what else to say.

[elleng]

15. VERY sorry to hear of your distress,

that of your mother, and that you will be without 2 parents at such a young age.
It may be foolish to ask this, but have you been in touch with hospice, to help at home with some of your mother's needs?

[Ron Obvious]

16. I'm sorry...

I'm so sorry. I went through this with both my parents at about the same age you are now. I developed a serious drinking problem as a result of having to deal with having to help my father go potty and seeing him in his senility reduced to petty childishness.

This too will pass. You're doing what's necessary to help you cope with this for the rest of your life. All the best of luck to you.

[blaze]

17. Oh lordy, Maine... this is way too young

Wish I had some words of wisdom to share.

[bluedigger]

18. Ayuh.

[denbot]

19. That absolutely sucks..

[KT2000]

20. this is a precious time

as difficult as it is right now, the many ways you are growing and giving for your mother will give you infinite peace in the years to come. She appreciates it so much.
Peace to you.

[VenusRising]

21. Big hugs to you, Maine-ah.

Stay strong. You are giving your mother a wonderful gift.

[Maine-ah]

22. thanks, everyone

for words of encouragement, and sympathy. It helps put my brain back on track...that we're doing the right thing, or doing our best to anyway. I actually have three siblings, but only two of us are taking care of Mom. The other two, well...I can't call them the names that I'd like to...against the rules, but you get the drift.

Mom has chosen palliative care at the moment. I think she will change her mind and switch to hospice soon. She told me today that she just can't do this anymore. She's exhausted. Not eating, barely drinking...etc.

Again, thank you for listening to my rant...I'm sure there will be more.

[Tuesday Afternoon]

23. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ peaceful vibes and nursing energy ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

headed your way

[hamsterjill]

24. I'm so sorry.

You are, indeed, too young to be having to deal with this, but I'm very proud of you for stepping up. Yes, you WILL get better at what you have to do. I know your mother is comforted by your presence and your love. She raised a good daughter.

Now, all of that said, you must remember that the caregiver needs care, as well. Try to find moments when you can take a breather, take a walk, get some rest, eat well, etc. Take care of yourself or you will be no help to your mom.

Wishing you both peace and comfort...

[auntAgonist]

25. I'm so sorry.

aA
kesha

[Frosty1]

26. When I had to do this for my Mom

I just kept reminding myself how many of my dirty diapers she changed for me.

[NJCher]

27. I've spent my life trying to understand death

It can be understood.

Understanding that it is a transition alleviates some of the pain.

Our culture does not teach us the big picture, and that makes our life considerably more painful. There are cultures on this earth that deal with the unseen, but not here in the "mainstream" US of A.

What you're going through is terribly difficult. I've been through it, too, with my dad.

My heart goes out to you and I wish there was something I could do.


Cher