Please take me to the hospital.

[WilliamPitt]

My wife has been worried for the last couple of days because our daughter Lola hasn't pooped, and has been a bit of a pill. She was worried Lola was constipated. We put Lola down for a nap today, Cailen left for work...

...and later, I went to get Lola when she woke up, and the smell hit me in the face like a dead fish. I cracked open the diaper and it was civilians fleeing, the seas boiling, a thousand years of darkness, human sacrifice, dogs and cats living together, MASS HYSTERIA.

Constipated? Nope. N to the ope. NOPE.

Thunderdump.

Good girl.

Please take me to the hospital.

[marym625]

1. That's one hell of a dump!

I bet she's in a much better mood.

Poor dad.

[WilliamPitt]

22. Ya shoulda been there

[marym625]

40. was that a shot? drive by shooting

Cracked me up! I am going to be using that

[mnhtnbb]

2. Be sure to offer her more water during the summer months.

Been there, done that, changing massive poopy diapers!

[WilliamPitt]

3. Oh, I've changed probably 3/4ths of the didi's

since the Empress made the scene. Work-at-home Dad and all, etc.

This fucking thing should have its own congressman.

Wow.

[pinboy3niner]

4. My infant son had a diaperload like that once

That was back in the '70s, while we were listening to President Gerald Ford speak on campus at USC. My son's diaper was a pretty accurate BS barometer.

[NRaleighLiberal]

5. I would have had a fine day (life?) without opening this OP!

"thanks" for sharing! Yes, parenting...the gift that keeps on giving!

[pinboy3niner]

7. What, you mean this isn't your #2 favorite thread today?

[Paulie]

36. LoL

[Lars39]

6. On the bright side...

at least she didn't take it off and decorate the walls.

[marym625]

11. I walked into that one morning

I wondered why the baby wasn't crying, per usual. I could hear the little happy noises. Peeked in to see EVERYTHING covered with his masterpiece. Including him.

[Lars39]

19. My nephew did that.

Tall little kid so he got away up the walls. Lol.
I was lucky that mine didn't. But the fear...

[marym625]

21. worst part was

Now be prepared, he has obviously taken a bite.

[Lars39]

23. That was on his check off list, too!

Gah!

[marym625]

25. We file these under

Ways to embarrass kids we took care of

[Lars39]

27. Definitely! :-)

[laundry_queen]

37. LOL!

I've heard stories and always prayed to god (yes, prayed) that this would never happen to me. 4 kids later - and I dodged the bullet! None of my kids ever attempted that. Thank Fucking God (for answering my prayers I guess )

Pretty much everyone else I know that has children had this happen though.

[marym625]

39. The diaper was always on good and tight after that

Glad you dodged the shit

[irisblue]

29. it's coming

[Lars39]

31. Lol

[irisblue]

34. my wonderful niece...bout 18 months old

kids do this. And adults gag during cleanup. . Wonderful Niece is pregnant with first kid. I'm waiting. >> smirk<<

[Lars39]

35. Lol. Snicker gently...don't scare the baby.

And if you laugh too loud you might not be privy to the next "aha" moment that is sure to come along.

[In_The_Wind]

8. How long did you wait before you calling Cailen with the good news?

I'll bet she feels better too.

[WilliamPitt]

10. Oh, immediately.

Like, while wiping.

[In_The_Wind]

15. Oh my!!!

[avebury]

16. Timing is everything and your wife

had great timing to be at work when it happened.

[WilliamPitt]

17. Dammit.

[avebury]

20. I remember when my brother's first child was born.

He was at the hospital to bring his wife and son home. My sister-in-law was in the bathroom getting dressed when the baby let loose a good one. Her response was I am not coming out.

At a later time, she had left brother with the baby and came home to a clean baby. Evidentally Robert did a good one because my brother had to give him a bath.

I was proud of my brother. He really shared the baby chores with his wife, We never thought that would happen because he had no prior experience with babies. But he came through and was a good dad.

[Tace]

9. Diaper Days Only Temporary

Will, A good thing about dirty diapers is that this phase only lasts a couple of years. It was only yesterday that I was changing diapers, yet I just sent my oldest off to college last year and my second one is finishing her freshman year of high school. It happened in the blink of an eye. : )

[Avalux]

12. I remember my daughter's thunderdump she thought was fingerpaint.

The stench hit my nose as soon as I opened her bedroom door, then my eyes took in the scene - poo in her hair, all over her face, all over the crib AND the wall. It obviously didn't bother her, she was laughing and gurgling. Must have been about 15 months old.

Ahhh the joys of parenthood!

[pinboy3niner]

13. Duh! That's what happens when infants don't get enough Jameson.

[MrMickeysMom]

14. I think I smelled it….

Isn't that a little like... onna-mod-ah-POOPIE-ah?

~eewh~

[WilliamPitt]

18. Oh, booooo. Boooooo. Just boooooooooo.

That was almost worse than the poop.

Almost.

[lovemydog]

24. Take me down to the hospital

[KamaAina]

26. Did you move from New Hampshire to South Park, CO?

[olddots]

28. I changed one of our daughter's diapers

wearing a hasmat suit holding the diapers with tongs.It gets better when you're in your late 80s promiss .

[Dont call me Shirley]

30. Good thing you didn't...

[Snobblevitch]

32. When I was about 20

I babysat my almost three year old nephew. My SIL, using incredibly poor judgement, had him in underwear instead of a diaper (she was attempting to potty train him). Well, he did a load in his pants, he didn't tell me, and then got on the rocking horse. Then he tells me.

[Nac Mac Feegle]

33. One evening, while taking a shower:

Suddenly a draft, and I open my eyes to see the curtain opening. Wife hands me 6 month old and says "Here, your son needs a bath." He is covered from the waist down. In you-know-what.

Oh well, I was in the shower anyhow....

Parenthood. What can I say?

[laundry_queen]

38. It's really great when this happens

to the parent who refuses to change a diaper. You sound like an awesome dad, but my (now-ex) husband pretty much never changed our kids' diapers. One time we were travelling with our 3 year old and 4 month old baby. The baby fell asleep and the 3 year old got hungry. So, I took the 3 year old to the hotel restaurant to feed her and left the baby behind with my ex as he had some work to do in the hotel room. I neglected to tell him said baby hadn't pooped in a week, which is quite typical in breastfed babies. When I came back, he opened the door before I could get the card in...LOL apparently it was an epic blowout that even required a head to toe bath. This was in the days before cell phones so he couldn't call me to come back to the room to 'fix it' and he couldn't come find me in the restaurant with a poop-covered infant. He had to take care of it. He was horrified so much poo could come out of such a tiny human.

Ah, memories. I still laugh at that one. He was definitely on the verge of hysteria when I got back. LOL Thunderdump.