I'm You, Dickhead (if you could tell your younger self one thing, what would it be?)

[wyldwolf]

Time Travel short film.

[hollysmom]

1. stop dating Lou and never ever marry him. You are better than that.

[Throd]

2. Stop trying to be right about everything.

Be happy instead.

[kairos12]

21. Going along with that, you can be right all the time or you can be married.

[trof]

3. Treat women better, asshole.

I was a jerk.
In my 20s, I was mainly concerned with getting laid.
Whenever, whoever, however.
That was the early 60s and we (I) thought Sinatra and the Rat Pack were incredibly cool.
We subscribed to Playboy.

Happily, I grew up and out of that.
But I still regret it.

[Tobin S.]

4. Don't take those two hits of that strong white blotter.

That's where the story of my life began...well, more like the nightmare.

[Aristus]

5. Study hard while you're in high school!

I know making straight B's without cracking a book sounds like a real achievement, but making straight A's with some effort is even better, and might shorten what turned out to be a rather tortuous career path.

[Xipe Totec]

6. NASA is not all that its cracked up to be. Take the plunge; go work for Microsoft

Before they go public, you idiot!

[bikebloke]

7. Don't move to Seattle.

The available jobs were for locals only.

And that Swiss chica, forget her. Hitch through East Germany to Berlin where there was an invitation from a German chica.(this was the 80's)

[shenmue]

8. Stay where you're from

[IcyPeas]

24. interesting answer...

I wonder why you answered that way. I looked and see you are in Flushing. I grew up there... 1960 until 1971. in between Main St. and Kissena Blvd. I had a great childhood there.

[shenmue]

26. Thanks!

I lived on 61st Road, a few blocks from Main Street and close to Queens College as well. Our house was right next to the service road for the Expressway.

I have lived in New York, Florida and Georgia, and I liked each of them, but New York is my home and I feel lonely when I'm not there.

[IcyPeas]

30. Horace Harding expressway

I went to John Bowne HS. I know that area well. I feel like that's my true home too. I am in l.a. now (which I like too).

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[shenmue]

34. Class of 1990

I went to Bowne too!

[IcyPeas]

35. I knew it!! class of '74

it was a combination of hippies and disco queens back then. I was more in the hippy-leaning camp myself.

[shenmue]

37. Cool!

[mackerel]

9. Try not to be a crazed consumer, save more

[hunter]

29. Saving more money simply enables other crazed consumers. Just a higher credit limit for them.

Oh boy, they can buy a fancy new car, condo, and Apple consumer product!

But giving does not enable consumerism, and if you are lucky people will remember and give to you when you are no longer able to give any more yourself.

If not, oh well. That was your life. You did your best.

That's the bad-ass form of Christianity and quite a few more ancient religions.

[Scuba]

10. No, you're not in love. You're just horny.

[LWolf]

11. Birth control pills AND condoms, religiously,

until after college.

[sarge43]

12. Don't start smoking.

Then I'd probably start drinking. Dickhead.

[retread]

13. Floss regularly. n/t

[kairos12]

20. So true.

[Codeine]

14. Accept the inevitable and shave your head now. Do your schoolwork

and go to college.

Save those Magic: the Gathering cards.

Stop mooning over Jeanne-Marie; she wants a different sort of person, which is perfectly fine and doesn't mean you suck.

Do not grow a mustache. I cannot stress this enough; no mustache!

Get lessons; you'll never figure out how to play that bass on your own.

And stop moping; you're fucking awesome and people will figure this out, I promise.

[Skittles]

52. you want I should kick your bald, fucking awesome ass, Codeine?

LEMME AT YOU!!!

[Iggo]

15. "I'm not telling you not to break up with her, Stupid."

"I'm just telling you to be nice about it. She just wants to win. Let her win."

[GOLGO 13]

16. Golgo 13: Take Two!

- those guitar lessons? Stick with em & get to play with those bands.

- Forget the Marines & go to school.

- Debbie...{sigh}

- Situps/pull-ups/running like a mad-man during the 90's? Would have had my dream job and just about ready to retire now, 20yrs later with a federal pension.

- That job offer in NJ working for you know who? Take it, keep training and jump to those other guys at you know who. 2nd chance & last shot at scoring the dream job.

- That amazing saxaphone you have? Go learn it before 2001.

- Those girls from LI? LAFFO!!!!!!

- Sharon....{sigh}

[MosheFeingold]

17. They were serious about the brown acid. n/t

[Xithras]

18. Take more chances in life.

I'm a computer software developer who has worked in and around the Silicon Valley for 20 years. In that time, I've been offered jobs at four different small startups that later became multibillion (or at least, multi hundred-million) dollar companies (Yahoo in early 1996, chief among them). I passed on them all because they were "too risky". Who knows where I'd be today if I'd taken a chance.

Overall, I've had a fairly successful life and career. The only thing that has kept me from being even more successful was my own hesitation. I need to take more chances.

Oh, and don't sleep with Melanie Reissler. Took four goddamned miserable months to clear that shit up...

[kairos12]

19. Mountains always appear more difficult to climb from a distance.

Swing at the first pitch.

Humility is the great human value.

Should have tried for the North Face of the Eiger.

Too much time without a dog.

Math is important. Stay on it.

Leave your kids be when they play sports.

Finish reading Moby Dick before you croak.

[WinkyDink]

32. I'm pretty sure you can still do that last one.

[mythology]

40. But who wants to know that much about boiling whale blubber?

That book is a metaphor but it is so long and dense with things unrelated to the actual story he's trying to tell.

[Paladin]

22. So many critical decisions to be made, when we're young and stupid.

Short of winning the Lucky Sperm Contest like Donald Trump did, nobody's going to get things 100% right. I sure as hell didn't. Might as well cut yourself some slack on things.

[hunter]

23. As Dr. Who says, I'm a very dangerous fellow when I don't know what I'm doing.

I've always known that about myself from the time I first walked.

The past stretches out in a cloud of probability just as the future does. Nothing in this universe is fixed in time or space.

We live here until we do not.

[frogmarch]

25. I'd say,

Gary will stalk you for the next 50+ years, but go ahead and marry Lloyd. You will never regret it.

[benld74]

27. Many things

1) Study more, especially math
2) Listen
3) NEVER smoke
4) NEVER indulge in blondes
5) avoid impulsive purchases

[d_r]

28. Don't do anything different

Or maybe might not know what I know now.

[WinkyDink]

31. Do NOT become a teacher! Study archaeology instead! And be an actress!

[NV Whino]

33. Move to New Zealand early on

Don't wait until you're too old, too broke, and have no talent they want.

[Aerows]

36. Quit worrying what all of those other people

might say or think about you, because they aren't going to like you anyway no matter what you do. The ones that matter already like you.

[steve2470]

53. yes that's a good one! nt

[NJCher]

38. buy that foulard skirt and top

even though it wasn't on sale.

Haven't stopped thinking about it for 20 years.


Cher

[uriel1972]

39. fight back, and there's no such thing as a fair fight... nt

[a la izquierda]

41. At 14: don't get hung up on your weight

At 18: go to class and study; college is harder than high school (and don't start smoking in 2 years)
At 21: break up well
At 38 (my current age): see and be strong

[PassingFair]

42. From this vantage point: "Stop living in the moment and set some goals!"

From the future:

"Why didn't you live more in the moment?"

Can't "win".

I have to live in the moment, stumbling from one joy to the next.

[smirkymonkey]

43. Don't take student loans and go to grad school just because you are

sick of working. I am regretting that now more than anything.

I am thinking of defaulting. Just can't keep up with it anymore.

[seveneyes]

44. Don't name your son Jacob Dumb

[pitohui]

45. college is a waste of time if you're not willing to go down on your professors

i hope it's different now but ... i deeply regret being brainwashed to believe getting credentials and an education and working hard would cause people to overlook i was a female from the lower classes

because it didn't

all working hard & getting degrees did was waste time & money

[Contrary1]

46. Oh my gosh...don't be so afraid to try new things.

I was so backward, so fearful of failure, that I didn't try. And now, there is regret.

[NNadir]

47. Do more math.

...the more math you do, the easier things will be.

Oh yeah, and this:

Be real, real, real, real loving towards and appreciative of your mother. She doesn't have very long to live. Let her know how much you love her, and how much you value her, since she won't hear you or understand you very well with a brain tumor.

[laundry_queen]

48. "Don't listen to your parents. They are wrong.

You are not fat and lazy. Your boyfriend isn't 'just immature' he's abusive. Leave him and get a degree, make sure you have a career before you start having babies. "

My parents were assholes. They always used to tell me that when I grew up and had teens of my own I would understand that they were right all along.

Nope. My oldest is now an adult and my second is nearly there (number #3 & 4 are still not teens). I'm still right, my parents are still wrong.

All those years wasted trying to please them and everyone else around me, always worried what everything would think, thinking I deserved to be treated like shit by my boyfriend (who turned into my husband who is now my ex). Ugh. I was so brainwashed, especially by my mother. I recently discovered a Miranda Lambert song that says, "I can hear her saying now, "It don't matter how you feel it only matters how you look." That was my mother, exactly. Oh heck, my father too.

I wish I'd have known all of this 20+ years ago.

[nilesobek]

49. I'm you, Dickhead...

And I've got a message for you.

You are doing great with your life! You didn't sell out and kept your integrity. Our dreams are not forgotten. Welcome home dear old friend.

[Art_from_Ark]

50. If I could go back in time to October 1978 (or earlier),

I would tell myself, "Don't go on that hiking trip in Missouri! Don't even drive at night in Missouri! There's a reason why some people pronounce it "misery", and you'll find out why if you go!"

I would also tell myself, "Don't waste any more money on that stupid car! Buy gold and silver instead! You'll thank me for that in a year or two!"

[GaYellowDawg]

51. Just one thing? That asshole needed a week-long lecture.

But if I had a top 5...

1. Tell your dad in 1994 to have a complete checkup every 3 months
2. If you just learn to take pride in making good grades, you'll accomplish more than you ever thought you could.
3. Treat your little sister better. Oh, and she IS smarter than you.
4. Quit eating so damn much bad food and keep exercising anyway.
5. Make as many female friends as you can, with no expectations, and treat them well for the sake of treating them well. One of them might just marry you for it.

Oh, and...

6. Find a payphone and call in a bomb threat for these 3 flights at 7:30 AM on 9-11-01.

[steve2470]

54. Don't get married....wait a long time.... nt

[Boomerproud]

55. Be more focused on the future and stop waiting for Mr. Right who never came.

I guess the guys I dated didn't think I was Miss Right either. I should have gone to a 4-year college and gotten a degree in a career that I cared about.