Question for anyone who has/had depression

[nadine_mn]

I didn't post this in GD because that is a depression inducing place right now.

I have had chronic depression and finally, finally I am starting to come out of it.

However, now as I look around me without the fog of depression, I see how bad I have let things go - the house is a mess, my body is a mess, my relationships are a mess - I have neglected so much.

I know logically that all of this didn't happen overnight so I can't fix it overnight, and it will take baby steps. I know to take things one day at a time, one project at a time. But I still SEE how much needs to be done, and I am getting overwhelmed and want to fall back into old behaviors (sleeping, overeating and isolating - all which led to this).

Seriously- any tips? Blindfolds? It's just so much to repair-it's like a dilapidated house but I only have one of those little kid tool boxes.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

1. I've been treated for depression in the past...here's how I handled it:

I take care of the things that I need immediately to be well and safe. I eat right, do a little exercise and make my space inviting and comfortable. That can help with your body image and your home too. Go at whatever speed works for you. I like the saying "Rome wasn't built in a day." The same goes for helping yourself heal.

You have the right idea: baby steps.

You can also post in this group: Mental Health Support. Here's the link:

http://www.democraticunderground.com/?com=forum&id=1151

Good luck and take care!

[sharp_stick]

2. See if you can get some help

that's the best way to at least repair the physical side of things.

I would concentrate on the house first, in fact concentrate on it one room at a time. One day clean the kitchen, do it well, put everything away and make sure it's good to go and nice and clean. Then go from the rooms you use the most to the least.

If you have one or two clean and well set up spaces it can help you not slip back into old behaviors. If you're getting overwhelmed go back to one of the already done places.

If you are on medication and/or in therapy don't give up on it and don't make any changes to it without discussing it with your care provider.

Best of luck to you, many people have gone where you are now. There is help and support available please try to make use of it as much as you can.

[uriel1972]

3. I'm in a similar position...

I have had the physical side of things treated, but all the emotional scars remain. I am trying to work on those, but it seems so much, it hardly seems worth the bother.

Nethertheless, I push on, there really is no other survival option. I can only offer encouragement, as apart from sheer stubborness, I really don't have any other tools myself.

[LiberalEsto]

4. Mindfulness?

Focus on just one thing and put all your attention into it. Then the next. And so on.

Good for you that you're emerging from depression!
I had a bad one a couple of years ago. When it was over, it felt like a dark curtain had lifted. And I felt almost newly born.

[uriel1972]

5. Mindfulness is one thing to try...

There are others, like CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy), that you could try as well. What worked for me was a treatment called Trans-cranial Magnetic Stimulation, where a very powerful magnet is pulsed into an area of your brain to stimulate the production of neurotransmitters.

I'm still on anti-depressants and an anti-psychotic, but we are reducing the amounts gradually. What's left is what remains of my life after three decades of depression. That is what I have to work on.

One thing I found irritating is the counselors who have never really suffered depression. It's like chef's giving cooking tips to the famone starved.

[hedgehog]

6. I found this web site useful for baby steps -

http://www.unfuckyourhabitat.com/

It starts out slow with commands like "Make your bed".

If you can find a recovery group to share your problems with, that may help, too.

"Unfucking With a Chronic Illness or Chronic Pain

Many members of Team UfYH are living with chronic conditions, mental illness, learning disabilities, physical limitations, and any number of factors that may make traditional “cleaning” difficult. They’ve shared their methods of working within those limitations and still making progress on their homes.

The key points, for the most part, are:

•Do what you can. If you can only manage five minutes or two minutes, that’s great! Progress is progress."

[nadine_mn]

11. Sounds like a great site - I can't wait to check it out

Thanks!

[elleng]

7. Come to this Group:

http://www.democraticunderground.com/?com=forum&id=1151

And remember, something I realized years ago, as a parent, we can ALWAYS change the way we behave, and improve things.

[Hell Hath No Fury]

8. Been there, many times.

After a head injury and subsequent (latest) depression, I am exactly where you are.

I honestly believe that you need to get strong in your own mental and physical health before you can go on to "fix" anything else around you.

You are your first project. Start with repairing your own body and spirit -- eat well, bathe and brush your teeth, wear freshly cleaned clothes, get good sleep in a comfortable bed, engage in light exercise in a positive environment, spend time with people who lift you and make you smile, get emotional support. Let everyone around you know what you have been going through, that you are sorry that your illness (and that is exactly what it is, an illness) has interfered with your relationships, that you are in the process of taking care of yourself and that you will get to everything/everyone in good time as you heal.

To keep yourself on track/moving forward, and not overwhelmed I suggest getting a calendar and setting up "appointments" with yourself for the week -- this helps keep and (more importantly) narrow your focus. Schedule a few necessary tasks for one or two days a week (even if it is as simple as "Saturday I am going to do two loads of laundry&quot and then be sure to schedule FUN times as well, whether it is watching a fun movie, going to coffee with a friend, or reading a book. Be sure at least one of your fun things is with a person/persons that forces you out of the house each week and is something you can't blow off that easily. The ratio of "necessary tasks" to "fun things" should be 1:2 or 1:3. The quickest way to slip back into depression is engaging in drudgery with too many "shoulds" as opposed to "wants".

Here are a list of daily depression strategies I learned and that really helped me (along with meds) to come through the latest depression. (I keep this as a daily list and check off those I do as another way to stay on track).

1) Cognitive reconstruction (examining your thoughts for negative patterns and creating new ways of thinking -- lots of good info out there to learn about).

2) Exercise -- 3-5 times per week.

3) Pleasurable activities -- doing what used to be fun even if you don't feel like it.

4) Friends -- strengthening your circle of close friend, making new friends, revisiting old friends.

5) Relaxation -- making time for yourself to unwind and recharge your batteries.

6) Nutrition.

7) Time Management -- making sure you are taking time for yourself and that you are not over extended.

8) Spirituality -- whether it is meditating, praying, sitting under a tree and connecting with Nature.

9) Self acceptance -- you have an illness not a character defect. Cut yourself some slack.


On a side note:

If you are not on an anti-depressant medication and find yourself still struggling in a few months, I seriously suggest you look into it. Depression is drowning in slow motion -- medication allows you to "get your feet" under you so you can stop the flailing and save yourself. I went the alternative route (herbs, vitamins, meditation, cognitive behavioral therapy, you name it) and fought for a very long time against being on meds but I finally said "enough" -- I was frankly stupid to have waited so long and to have allowed myself to suffer so needlessly.

[nadine_mn]

12. I am on an anti-depressant and am just finishing a partial hospitalization program

group therapy 5 days a week for 3 weeks,9-3. It has been amazing. I had really started to isolate myself and was spiraling even further into a dark hole and this has finally helped me get out of it.

I still have the issues behind the depression, but the isolation part really was messing with me -I started having increased anxiety that made me isolate even more.

I love your suggestions esp the scheduling fun activities and not getting overwhelmed by shoulds.

Thank you!

[Hell Hath No Fury]

21. Scheduling things has made ALL the difference for me -

With my head injury came memory problems and becoming VERY easily overwhelmed by everything I had to do to the point all I wanted to do was pull a blanket over my head and hide. Breaking everything down to "bite size pieces" then putting it to paper keeps me focused only on what is next -- I kind of view it as if herding cattle: you have to put one "cow" (activity/thought) down the chute at time, otherwise there is chaos. And scheduling the GOOD stuff that is fun and makes you happy is even more important because it is THAT stuff we are far too prone to blow-off or ignore if things get too much. Fun = medicine, plain and simple. I now find that the more fun stuff I do, the better I am able to handle my depression and the "shoulds".

Oh anxiety, my "good friend" for the past zillion years. There are three supplements I take that I find help my anxiety: a good slug of liquid B Complex multiple times a day, Omegas (I use flax seed oil -- also good for the depression), and 100 to 200mgs of the amino acid L-Theanine (it really does calm the mind and at 100mgs helps with my focus). I also find the following yoga poses very helpful with anxiety:

Child's pose
Extended puppy pose
Legs up the wall pose (Viparita Karani)
Tree pose
Goddess pose

There is a form of yoga called restorative (or "yin&quot yoga -- it is really great for soothing the mind and spirit, and rebuilding your energies.

And don't forget to get as many long hugs as you can -- a 20 second of hug release oxytocin, which lowers your stress levels. Hug long and often.

Depression and anxiety are just shitty. You are working your way out of it (and, yes, it IS work!) and that is a fantastic thing that shows strength and determination!

[nadine_mn]

24. I definitely needmore hugs

I need to make myself a priority and that is so hard.

thanks so much for the tips and sharing what you have been through

[JudyM]

29. All good stuff. Also 5-HTP (serotonin precursor) supplement and drinking maté tea are helpful.

Yin is fanTAStic. Makes you feel like a bird with wings to fly afterward.

[TexasBushwhacker]

33. But do not take 5 HTP with SSRIs or SNRIs

That can cause too much serotonin. Very dangerous.

[JudyM]

35. Yes, good to point that out. Thank you! Nt

[Trajan]

26. Excellent post ...

Great advice for anyone ...

I had fallen into a hole of self loathing for years, but finally had enough of the weight gain, and started a weight loss program (5:2 Fast Diet) ... Once the pounds started coming off, I started to step a little higher every day - a little more lively ...

Now, I'm down 90 pounds, working out for about 10 months now, and I actually GAINED 15 pounds of pure muscle ...

I am so much happier inside my own skin ... So optimistic about my life and future now ...

My house is still a mess, but repairing the damage to my person was job number one ... I'll get to the house soon enough ...

[femmocrat]

9. I try to take on one thing a day.

My aunt used to say, "Do one thing a day and in 30 days you will have 30 things done." I tackle a drawer, a shelf, whatever. It is surprising how much you can accomplish that way. Don't let piles of papers, etc. accumulate-- tackle them!

Always take time to exercise even if it just a walk around the block or a couple of trips up and down the stairs.

Eat properly. For me, that means no alcohol as it interacts with my meds, no sugar, no junk food.

Good luck to you, nadine. You can do it!

[Skittles]

10. I know it sounds like a cliche, but one day at a time, girl

don't stress out - just resolve to do SOMETHING each day to improve your situation, however small. Take a ten minute walk, clean out a closet, call a friend. Always be pushing forward, a bit at a time. It works!

[nadine_mn]

13. thanks!

I know I am going to kick depression's ass

[Lars39]

14. Simple routines to do every day.

Make the bed, get night time meds ready...whatever it is you want to do and feel like doing, just start with one or two and then gradually add to them.
Even simple routines can keep you in the here and now and give you a purpose and a bit of exercise, too.
Learned that by hanging around my 80 yo father.
It's taken me most of my life to learn to be kind to myself. Try not to be too hard on yourself.

[LiberalElite]

15. Get dressed -

every day. By this I don't mean anything formal or businesslike. It could be jeans and a t-shirt. Just don't spend the day in your pajamas/nightgown. I've noticed it does make a subtle difference in my mental state.

[uriel1972]

16. "Remember thou art mortal"

You have limits, that's not to say they will never change, but there will be things you can't do right now.

Learn what you can and can't do, so you don't set yourself up for failure.

It's important to test your limits and exercise your abilities, so that what your limit today, may not be your limit next week.

If you have a bad day and you can't do something now, then put it aside and try tomorrow, or the next day.

You still have time. Don't try to get everything done today, that is a sure way to make yourself miserable, because you will not be able to do it. Noone can get everything done in one day.

As they say, 'Rome wasn't built in a day', it's a cliche, I know, but it holds true.

Persist.

[TexasBushwhacker]

17. See if there is a DBSA group in your srea

It stands for Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance.

http://www.dbsalliance.org

It can really be helpful to be around others who are going through the same thing you are. And it's free.

Also, if you can afford it, hire some help to get your house cleaned up. That way you'll be starting with a clean house and all you have to do is maintain it.

[nadine_mn]

23. My therpaist just recommendedthis to me as well

thanks for the advice.

Our house is beyond help - its just a disaster - too embarrassed to have anyone see it much less clean it

[TexasBushwhacker]

25. I felt the same way

I let my apartment become an absolute pigsty. Then someone from management came into my apartment to post that my rent was late. THEN I got another notice that my apartment had to be cleaned or I would get evicted. They gave me a week.

I made a deal with myself that if it wasn't all clean in 4 days that I would hire help. I did get some done but I still had to hire someone. I was very honest about the situation and my depression. It was a young man from the UK. he said, "You know, in England the NHS would pay for someone to clean for you because it's a symptom of your illness." Was it embarrassing? Sure! But I don't regret it one bit.

In your case, since it's a house, I would start with one room. You could do "worst first" or you could choose the least intimidating. But you should just work on one area until it's DONE. Then you will have a "win" and it will feel good! Remember, motivation follows action, not the other way around.

Here is a hoarding/clutter message board I check out.

http://takeonestepatatime.proboards.com

And with the DBSA groups, if you live in a city, there may be several. Here in Houston you could go to a different group every night.

[JudyM]

30. Check out the KonMari method - an engaging approach to pulling your place together.

She seems a little oddball-ish, which is good, but basically without all the heavy, onerous, laborious overtones to getting rid of clutter etc she proposes a really clear, get-in-touch-with-your-feelings method about each object or piece of clothing. After seeing all the rave reviews (and reading other books on getting organized, without feeling like adopting their ways) i listened to the audio of her book (local library had it) and tried it out and liked it. You might want to give it a go, it's motivating in its simplicity.

http://tidyingup.com/books/the-life-changing-magic-of-tidying-up-hc

Good luck -- when you get even part of one room straightened out you'll feel better.

[MH1]

39. Another strategy (you have to figure out which one works for YOU)

1) Set aside, for the next little while, that your place is too much of a mess to have people over. It is what it is. It probably isn't your fault that it got that way, and even if it is, sort of, well lots of stuff went into making that situation that WAS beyond your control. But you are here now and what matters is how you go forward. You are not looking to snap your fingers and have a pristine palace. You are looking for steady improvement, with allowance for occasional temporary setbacks due to "life happens".

2) Focus on what you need to do to get through each day as positively as possible. As mentioned by others, develop routines around these basics. "Make" your bed (even if "make" means just kinda sorta pulling the sheet and blankets up over the pillow, kind of; perfection is NOT a virtue here), as soon as you get up. At night get stuff together that you need to face life the next day, so you won't waste time in the morning when your mind is still fogged from sleep. Figure out - and this is so essential, you have probably already done it on advice of your doctor - a way to track/ set out your meds so you are taking the correct dosages at least approximately at the correct time each day. Stuff like that. If you have pets, have routines around doing their essential care.

3) The point of item 2 is STRESS REDUCTION. Having routines around all the, well, routine things you need to do, means you don't have to think about how you're going to do them each and every time. The next thing is that while many people would say, start with "a room" and clean it up completely, I disagree. You're not there yet. The next thing is to be mindful as you go through your day, and identify when something is stressing you out. Is this a daily (or more often) stress trigger? If so, what would it take to remove the stress? Sometimes it's just recognizing that this broken appliance that you've been wanting to fix, is NEVER going to get fixed or wouldn't be cost effective to fix (when you allow yourself to focus on that one thing and think about it rationally), and you just throw it out. (If you are afraid to because it's like a family heirloom or something, find a place to stash it deeply out of view until you can get to dealing with it properly. But don't set the bar too high for just throwing stuff out. You only have so much room.) You'd be amazed how quickly you forget about that thing when it is no longer in your face. Or if there is a specific place you use several times a day/night, like a kitchen drawer or maybe your nightstand, if it's really a mess just fix that ONE thing - not trying to do the whole kitchen or the whole bedroom. Of course you have to think in terms of what can be easily accomplished vs. what can't be done at this time, or you have to hire somebody and aren't ready to do that, etc. Do the easiest stuff that has the most impact.

4) Once you've dealt with the major stress triggers, THEN go room to room. Again, prioritize based on stress. The rooms you use most are probably the ones to start with. For me that's bedroom and kitchen, as long as the bathroom is functional and not a major health hazard. So I would get the bathroom to minimal function/health standard, then get the kitchen same way, then do the bedroom. That is what you wake up to in the morning, and the last thing before you go to sleep at night. It needs to work for you.


Well that was longer than I intended when I started to write it, but the takeaway is to prioritize removing stress triggers, because as you remove those you will improve your productivity at dealing with the rest of it.

I hope that's at least a little helpful. Good luck and hang in there!

[KentuckyWoman]

18. Notebook or spreadsheet and a journal.

25 years ago I was so far down I had to start coming up to be suicidal. Took me 6 months to make healthier daily habits stick and about a year to just bring order to the financial mess. For me, it took a move away from Cincinnati and back to tiny town old family homestead in east Kentucky to really make headway.

Kept myself from getting discouraged by tracking my progress on paper. A journal, a spreadsheet, a notebook, an old fashioned paper Daytimer.... whatever works best for you. List daily chores that will help you be balanced and also conquer a little of the old stuff every day starting with higher priority things. A little every day.

I kept both a master notebook with the big goals divvied up into smaller goals and marked them or tracked my progress as I went along. All in one place so I could look back and see progress in each category. Plus I kept a daytimer with small chores and to do lists for every day..... chores and appointments all in one place.

Once a month I could look back and see that disaster of a closet where I could not find my stuff was now consistently tidy. 5 months and I could see My shoes shined and clothing clean, pressed and repaired.... not perfectly but far better. And the same type thing with each project.

Oh and get help when you need it. You said you have "kid tools"..... so borrow some tools. Hire the tax man, call mini-maid, go find a class on money management or laying wall tile or whatever....... you get a twofer out of asking for help because it gets a project moved along and gets you out of isolation !!

You'll get there.......... I have faith in you just by reading your post.

[Ino]

19. One mind trick that helped me...

I reminded myself that I can be just as depressed while I do my laundry (shower, wash the dishes, etc), as I can be not doing anything. Of course, the more things I took care of, the better I felt.

Baby steps. Tackle small, easy things that will make your life/environment clean & healthy. Take a 15 minute walk each day, noticing what's around you.

Then take on a little bigger project.

Let yourself feel good about doing these things, rather than bad about how much has to be done.

[The Second Stone]

20. A number of tips

Get a walk in every day, twice a day if possible. I'm guilty of ignoring this one, but it truly works.

Drink plenty of water.

Socialize every day.

Eat right. Mostly veggies, one burger a month.

You can only do one thing at a time. Get up and do one thing. And then another.

Other people are counting on you.

See your doctor. As for tests that check how well you metabolize B vitamins. If you can't, it will take four months of a shot every other week to get your energy up to speed. Get your thyroid checked.

[Blue_Tires]

22. kick

because I need this question answered for myself...

[XemaSab]

27. Every day

clean for a half an hour and then go for a walk.

Set the timer, work your ass off, and when the timer goes off, walk away.

You'll be surprised at how much you get done.

[MuseRider]

28. I have mild depression from time to time

but my problem was induced by 4 years of my husband being really ill and I had to do everything. During that time I had a bad case of pneumonia, enough to be hospitalized but my husband could not be left alone so.....4 years of neglect on the farm knocked me back badly this last year.

Little by little. Small and I mean SMALL goals, something you can get done today and something that you can finish tomorrow. Write it down. If you don't do it count that as a day off and do not make yourself feel bad about it. I have miles to go but it is getting better. Just me, I may never get it back but I am trying. Remember, write it down and do not be hard on yourself. Forgive yourself but get up the next day with a spring and determination and do your best. Your best is good enough.

My easiest way to get started is to clean my kitchen sink. Make it sparkle, dry it and shine it and step back and look at it. If I can do that I can make myself do something else. Make it a habit every night so when you get up you can look at it and feel good (or whatever floats your boat, I have no idea why the kitchen sink does it for me).

One more thing, some of the things you can do can be fun. Add the fun things between the harder and less rewarding things. Give yourself a few days to write it all down and kind of organize yourself and then go. Good luck, it does get easier but then I don't get too depressed usually. Chronic, deep depression must be just awful to live through. Sending hugs and encouragement.

[JudyM]

31. In addition to the fantastic suggestions above, science says: start a gratitude journal or practice.

I've been researching happiness, productivity, flow, etc for several years and the evidence is consistently coming in from a variety of social science fields that focusing (meditating on or just listing) some things you are grateful for, on a daily basis, can turn things around. It's a brain chemistry thing as well as you start noticing more of the positive little things when you are making a point of remembering them at the end of the day (and/or in the morning). We selectively notice things that reaffirm our depression, and this turns that around.

Good luck!

[nadine_mn]

36. I have just started a gratitude journal

I love it! Being grateful forces you to look around and appreciate things big and small

[JudyM]

37. That's super! Very best of luck in your journey... Nt

[steve2470]

32. excellent thread, thank you for posting this!

Come to the Mental Health Support group here at DU, we're all nice people and helpful!

[Paula Sims]

34. Oh yea, and still there

Two things come to mind:

1. NO MATTER WHAT -- MAKE YOUR BED EVERY DAY. And I mean EVERY DAY. It really matters. Your entire room can be a mess but do this one thing. It'll get to the point where you're OCD about it and that's OK. It's nice to get into a made bed every day. Doesn't have to be perfect (and not frilly), just neat.

2. Lists really help. Don't expect to finish everything but do expect to do ONE thing every day. For example -- MAKE YOUR BED. Take your meds. Have a long list and a short list. Work on one thing from the short list daily and one thing from the long list weekly.

I'm still there but I'm doing my best to just keep going. That's all we can do some days.

Good luck

[Iwillnevergiveup]

38. This thread

is one of the best I've ever seen posted in all my years on DU! Seriously.

Highly kicked and recommended.