I think my downstairs neighbor is gossiping about my sex life and my vacuuming habits

[pinboy3niner]

What should I do about it? Any ideas?

[ornotna]

1. Have you considered celibacy and a broom?

[pinboy3niner]

7. I sweep the kitchen and bath but the rest is textured carpet

And in lieu of celibacy, I'm thinking of spreading a rumor that I'm building furniture...

[90-percent]

38. Suggestion

Have you considered joining L.Ron Hoover's First Church of Appliantology?

-90% Jimmy

[pinboy3niner]

39. Yeah, but they want me to vacuum in their "special" underwear

Last edited Mon Sep 5, 2016, 10:36 AM - Edit history (1)

I balk at anyone telling me what shorts I can wear. And if I want to go commando, that's just between me and my vacuum.

[FrodosPet]

54. So you ARE combining the two!

You always struck me as an efficient sort.

[UTUSN]

2. My gut is busting

[Arkansas Granny]

3. I wouldn't worry unless your sex life involves your vacuum cleaner, in which case

I suggest you contact a mental health provider.

[MADem]

5. Or a patent attorney, if it involves ... "accoutrements!!" LOL! nt

[pinboy3niner]

9. Please tell me more about these "accoutrements"

What do you recommend?

[MADem]

10. I couldn't begin to even speculate! LOL!!!! nt

[pinboy3niner]

8. What a consenting adult and his vacuum cleaner do in their apartment is nobody's business!!!

[Ron Obvious]

16. Nothing sucks like an Electrolux

So they say...

[MADem]

4. Take to beating the rugs---rhythmically....very rhythmically....at odd hours of the night~!!

Perhaps you can bang them against the side of the house, holding them out the window!!!!

Rig your stereo to play this, first thing in the morning:

Might as well give them something to gossip about!!!!

[pinboy3niner]

17. Beating the rugs--rhythmically?

I love euphemisms!

But I'm not sold on your idea of hanging out the window to do it. Not after what happened the last time.

[MADem]

26. LOL--live a little! Nothing like a bit of excitement to .... errr.... get the juices

flowing!!!!


There are even .... devices .... you can use to make the job go more efficiently!!!!

LOL!!!!!

[Callmecrazy]

6. And maybe wear a robe...

[Kaleva]

11. The vacuum cleaner is a gateway to the milking machine

Stop while you can before you have a full scale milking parlor set up in your bedroom.

[pinboy3niner]

13. Don't worry, robotic milking machines are out after I saw what happened to Wolowitz

[MADem]

27. OMG--I missed that program! HILARIOUS! nt

[mythology]

12. Be glad you have a sex life worth gossiping about

And I'm sure there is some sort of joke about carpet, sex and a vacuum, but I'm not finding it at the moment.

[pinboy3niner]

33. They're even making a sockumentary about it

[femmocrat]

41. (Psst..... it's a copy cat:)

http://www.democraticunderground.com/1018892402

And a damn fine one! It is leaving the original in the dust, IMO!

[pinboy3niner]

46. Dust? I think that calls for a vacuum...

[AwakeAtLast]

55. Is that what the kids are calling it these days?

[rug]

14. Aren't they the same thing?

[pinboy3niner]

18. Shhhh!

I knew it was a mistake confiding in you!

[rug]

19. Still, it's magical how you handle that bissell.

[pinboy3niner]

20. You're too modest. The attachments you recommended made all the difference! nt

[rug]

59. That crevice tool was a bargain! $4.99!

And it's 3-in-1!

https://www.bissell.com/crevice-tool-for-3-in-1-stick-vacuums-2037420

[Generic Brad]

15. Do they both involve sucking?

Not that it's any of my business.

[baldguy]

21. Are those simultaneous activities?

[pinboy3niner]

22. If you're ménage-Kirby curious I can have the door buzzard let you in

[3catwoman3]

23. True story...

...from when I was a nursing student. I used to work weekends as a unit clerk in the ER of my university's hospital. One morning, I came in to find people with bemused facial expressions and poorly suppressed snickers.

A man in his fifties had managed to sneak into his sister's apartment during the night, and attempted to get his jollies with his sister's vacuum cleaner, resulting in penile injury.

At the time, Sears marketed a vacuum cleaner with a special carpet attachment that was supposed to do a really good job on carpets. It was called - the Beater Bar Power Mate.

[pinboy3niner]

24. With a name like 'Beater Bar Power Mate' ...

...those people were very insensitive to snicker at Orrex like that!

[Skittles]

25. whose ass do I kick here, pinboy3niner?

I think more details from you are needed for that decision; yes INDEED

for example, you're not humping the vacuum cleaner, are you??? Yes or No answer, please

[pinboy3niner]

28. Seriously, NO! The only thing my vacuum ever did for me was scare my dog.

Not as bad as popping a balloon, when the dog suddenly vanished and we'd find her under the bed. But the vacuum would make her flee the room.

I never considered using my vacuum for anything other than cleaning. As for my dog, if she says anything about me she's a damn liar!

[Skittles]

29. I had a cat who always attacked the vacuum cleaner

I bumped into him with the vacuum when he was a kitten, but the vacuum WASN'T EVEN ON.....it didn't matter, he would ambush me constantly when I was vacuuming, to the point where I had to lock him up before cleaning

[pinboy3niner]

30. Okay, we've had enough fun with this

I posted it because I was bored with GD and its companion forum and thought we needed something at least a little amusing.

I was really hoping somebody would post a pun thread.

[applegrove]

31. You use a hammer and a vacuum in your living room for sex?

[pinboy3niner]

32. Doesn't everyone?

[greatauntoftriplets]

40. There's NOTHING wrong with the linen closet!

[mackerel]

34. What are your upstairs neighbors saying?

[pinboy3niner]

35. "Thou shalt slay thy sinful nosy downstairs neighbor"

But my idiot doctor says I should try not to pay too much attention to those "upstairs" voices.

[True Dough]

36. You have a name for your "friend" the vacuum?

Henry sound familiar? He looks a little mischievous.

[pinboy3niner]

37. Your shameless promotion of your 'Henry' paramour is noted

[malthaussen]

42. Start vacuuming and having sex, I guess. n/t

[pinboy3niner]

43. What do you mean, 'start'?

[malthaussen]

44. My father sold Kirby sweepers in the 60's...

... he really was the stereotypical travelling salesman, going around showing housewives his equipment.

Did you know my father?




-- Mal

[pinboy3niner]

45. I saw the Fuller Brush men and the encyclopedia salesmen and vacuum hawkers

And my mom was an Avon Lady.

Unless your dad was also an Avon Lady I probably didn't know him.

[malthaussen]

47. You "knew" the Avon Ladies, did you?

That would explain the smiles on their faces.

"Hey, let's all go to Pinboy's mom's house and... vacuum."

-- Mal

[pinboy3niner]

48. I wish, as a virgin teen boy at that time, lol!

But that was a most excellent reply.

[malthaussen]

49. You just ruined my follow-up joke...

... about paying for your cherry Camaro.

-- Mal

[pinboy3niner]

50. My favorite car color in those days was candy apple red

After the war I bought a brand-new Jaguar roadster. Red, of course. Sadly, they didn't have candy apple.

[malthaussen]

51. I remember you mentioning it.

I think Jan and Dean did a song about it.

-- Mal

[lunatica]

52. Tell your neighbor you do both the vacuum and thuming at the same time and ask

him how he does it. Start a dialogue. Reach out.

[FrodosPet]

53. Combine the two?

I am a firm believer in efficiency! You save time, and your neighbor only has one thing to complain about.

[Kaleva]

56. Once you go Electrolux, you never go back.

Just look at those attachments!

[Enrique]

57. you vacuum your habits?

wouldn't a lint roller be easier?

[Blue_Tires]

58. Tell her to quit being jealous over how much action you're getting

along with the above-average level of cleanliness in your apartment...

[steve2470]

60. some ideas here lol

[Orrex]

61. Wait until your neighbor finds out that it's actually a belt-sander