Small Town's Police Blotter Is A Riot

[pokerfan]

Long list of excerpts at the link.

When Sgt. Jennifer Shockley heads out on patrol each day, she's got the police blotter on her mind. Her goal is to paint a detailed picture of the town's often ridiculous crimes.

Since Shockley first started compiling the Unalaska crime report six years ago, she's written about vampire attacks, herds of feral horses chasing down cyclists, and "ravenous prowlers" who steal boxes of handkerchiefs — only to be discovered by the trail of blood and pizza they left behind.

A grown man asked an officer to tell his grown dipsomaniac son to go beddy-bye. The officer helped the drunk to bed, but declined the request to feed the family cat on the way out.

Petite piles of poo prompted protests to police.

"I'm still searching for the perfect palindrome," she says. I haven't found it yet, and I think it's gonna be really, really difficult to do, but I would love to have an entry that's a perfect palindrome."

http://www.npr.org/2012/04/07/150148340/small-towns-police-blotter-is-a-riot

[Scuba]

1. Let's see: drunk, drunk, drunk, trapped eagle, drunk, drunk, drunk, drunk...

... no problems from potheads.

[edgineered]

2. Was pokerfan being overly sympathetic by not posting this in Politics?

Regardless, thanks pokerfan for answering the often misunderstood process of vetting in Alaska!

[provis99]

3. good lord. A real life Marge Gunderson!

[fizzgig]

4. i was listening to that on my way to work this morning

but didn't get a chance to finish it. thanks!

[Mopar151]

5. Newport NH used to ba a masterpeice of dry humor

3:08 pm Porcupine spotted on Bradford Road. Cautioned and asked to move along.

[lovemydog]

6. I love how she makes her job more fun

I enjoy reading the police notes in our local paper (online).

Last Thanksgiving someone was arrested for serving his grandfather turkey, waiting till he fell asleep, then stealing his tv. There's stuff that crazy nearly every week. Most of it, I think, provides good reason for decriminalizing drugs, and providing better treatment programs.

[bluedigger]

7. My town's police blotter is often funny.

I haven't figured out if it's on purpose yet, though.

[KT2000]

8. Two of my favorites

from my town:

1. A sheriff's deputy was on hand to supervise the Bell Hill Homeowners Assoc. Meeting. (Bell Hill is the wealthy part of town.)

2. A deputy arrested 3 juveniles for theft and destruction of a pickup. A stereo was stolen and the dash was destroyed. The owner of the pickup makes his living with the vehicle hauling marijuana.

Next day: Correction: A man whose stolen pickup was recovered makes his living hauling firewood with the truck. A crime report yesterday contained incorrect information.

[NV Whino]

9. My town's police report is pretty dry

But once in while it has a good one.

My favorite was the one about the guy towing a car on a long chain across the railroad tracks. Yep, train came along, caught the chain with car on one side and truck on the other and whanged them against the sides of the engine. My best guess is he tried to beat the crossing barrier and it came down before he could get the car across, but there was no explanation in the report.

[nolabear]

10. We used to have one of those creative type blotters. My fave:

"Police were called to a residence by a neighbor who reported hearing screams. Two adults were found standing on chairs and shrieking over a slug that had entered the residence. The slug was escorted outside."

[JonLP24]

11. I liked it living in Flagstaff

I think huge crimes like murder are extremely rare. Back in '05 looking at statistics there was 1 murder one year, 0 another, and seemed to stay on the trend in recent history before '05. I believe rapes were also non-existent. However, they are/were higher than the national average in drug arrests(I believe being placed on two interstates, one between LA & Albuquerque, the other went south to Phonix, had something to do with prevalence of drugs) and thefts. I was in high school at the time would look for incidents I was familiar with like arrests at my high school. Those would actually make the paper but of course they wouldn't name them, there was also stuff I didn't know about like some computers stolen from my high school which the same thing happened to another high school in the same city.

Most interesting was the same bank that is just inside the city limits that sits right on I-40 in a mall parking lot was robbed 3 times in one year. I remember thinking it had to be the access to the Interstate and be able to get out of Flagstaff within seconds from that location.