Cracked does it again! Brovaries: The True Danger Of The 'Wonder Woman' Movie
I saw Wonder Woman, a film about a superhero who is a woman (unlike a man), and I am shook. I'd heard the kerfuffle over the Alamo Drafthouse offering women-only screenings, and like many of you, I laughed it off. "Who cares?" thought I. "Just a few crazy dames putting on their lipstick and letting the dishes soak while they go have their little hen party, watching a movie about some kickass World War I soldiers and their gal pal. Let 'em have their fun before they come home. To whom? Daddy, that's whom. Or who. Whichever is manlier."
But let me tell you this, dear reader -- and by "dear," I don't mean "my dear," like a lady, because men, right now I want you to stop reading this out loud to your little lady. Go have her fix us a nice glass of Scotch. You read this alone. Stop moving your lips so she doesn't see. Or move to a room she isn't allowed in, like your tannery / bodybuilding studio. Good. Now that we're alone, I can warn you: Wonder Woman isn't about kickass World War I soldiers and their gal pal. It's about a kickass gal and her World War I buddies. The men ... they're ... secondary characters!
At my screening, there was an actual woman dressed as Wonder Woman in the crowd. Whole groups of ladies sat together, unchaperoned and eating food that appeared to not even be low-fat, as though they weren't concerned with maintaining their figures. There were cheers when Wonder Woman leapt into the fray and fought men. Penis-having men! And she won! Pretty easily!
I get fiction. I understand the principles of fantasy and whimsy. I get that ladies like to imagine themselves as a princess or a scullery maid. But those stories all have princes or wealthy barons who serve a crucial storytelling function: They let the woman know what to do and when she needs to do it. And those men also save the day from the villain so the woman can be safe and then offer her vulva to the man in a show of respect and appreciation. Do you know how much of that happened in Wonder Woman? I think none. I can't remember because I blacked out for a spell, and when I woke up I was sharing a coffee with a woman and listening to her opinion on something. And I found it interesting!
Imagine those female-only Wonder Woman screenings. Imagine a room full of ladies being awed by this super strong, super heroic character -- who has a uterus, I'm willing to bet -- and them thinking that this sort of anti-man discrimination is OK. Maybe they can see other movies without men. Maybe they can have women-only gyms and spas. Maybe they'll open up schools that only girls can attend! Maybe they'll have some kind of girl-only fraternities! And groups where girls can learn useful skills funded by the sale of delicious goddamn cookies! Is that the world you want to live in? Maybe lesbians will stop having sex with men! THEN WHAT??
Listen, I love the ladies as much as any man who hopes to one day shower with a lady and work a nipple like the dial on an old-timey television set. I get it. But I also get that it's superHEro, not superSHEro. They spell it that way for a reason. It's because they're men. And they know what they're doing.
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http://www.cracked.com/blog/brovaries-true-danger-wonder-woman-movie/
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