Crap! Four out of five top U.S. douchebag cities are in Texas.
Douchebags—they’re all around us. You see them drinking Bud Light Platinum with their bros, double parking their PT Cruisers, and jostling each other in line to buy tickets to the latest Fast & Furious movie. While the douchebag population is a nationwide phenomenon, there are some cities where they’re found in greater abundance. For this groundbreaking study, we took the 100 most populated U.S. cities and determined rankings based on percentage of males in each city who listed the douchie items below as “interests” on their Facebook pages. Keep in mind that if you find fault with our criteria it’s probably because you are also a total d-bag.
Nickelback
Monster Energy
Axe (brand)
Don Ed Hardy
Vin Diesel
Chris Brown
Tosh.0
Mixed Martial Arts
Bluetooth
Dane Cook
Once we crunched the numbers we discovered some uncomfortable truths about America. First, Nickelback fans still exist, especially in the Midwest. Second, douchebags are massing in large numbers along the Texas border with Mexico, perhaps with plans of invading? Third, California is full of d-bags, but not in the Bay Area.
So where does your city rank? Check Estately’s list of the 15 cities with the highest percentage of douchebags below. Our complete rankings of all 100 cities can be found at the end of the article.
The full article is at http://blog.estately.com/2014/03/the-top-u-s-cities-for-douchebags/ .
5. Corpus Christi -- If you’re ever lost, you can walk into the nearest Gold’s Gym, and if you see someone on the bench press wearing a bluetooth and smoking an e-cigarette then you’ll know you’re in Corpus Christi, Texas.
3. San Antonio -- San Antonio would be the perfect city for Guy Fieri to launch a Benihana-style restaurant where diners cluster around deep fryers to eat overpriced fair food served by chefs in rodeo clown costumes. The meals would pair perfectly with a Bud Light Lime -flavored slushie served in an oversized fishbowl. It would be, to quote Fieri, “off the chain.”
2. El Paso -- There’s simply nothing like an El Paso summer’s eve. Everybody hops in Chad’s Hummer, they turn up Drake, hit the local bars for Jägerbombs and Amaretto sours, and then finish up with everyone getting a matching bellybutton piercing. It’s a daily douche-tastrophe in El Paso.
1. Laredo -- Laredo easily won the title of the Douchebag Capital of America, topping all other major cities in professed love for Ed Hardy, Vin Diesel, Axe BodySpray, and Monster Energy Drinks. While the majority of the city’s residents are far from douches, the border city still remains America’s premier douche-topia—a virtual d-bag theme park populated by some of the douchiest douchebags in all of America. Before it gets any douchier, Laredo should ban tribal tattoos, outlaw grown men from riding Razor scooters, and build a wall around itself to keep out reality TV loser Jon Gosselin. He’s the only person who loves Ed Hardy clothing more than the douchebags of Laredo.
Other Texas cities on the list include Garland (16), Fort Worth (17), Lubbock (20), Arlington (24), Irving (35), Houston (49), Dallas (75), Austin (77) and Plano (81).
= new reply since forum marked as read
