Op-ed: After Devastating Loss, a Father Fights Bullying
Op-ed: After Devastating Loss, a Father Fights Bullying
Steve Fehr lost his son to suicide on New Year’s Day and is working now to help kids see beyond the bullying.
On January 1, 2012, my son, 18-year-old Jeffrey Fehr, made the agonizing decision that he could no longer go on living and took his own life. He had recently graduated from Granite Bay High School where he was a pioneer as the first male cheerleader and was very active in competitive cheer. He was well loved by his friends and his family and was an inspiration for countless peers. He was also an out gay youth who had endured years of teasing and bullying.
Growing up, Jeff was happy-go-lucky and carefree. But as early as third grade we began to notice he had different likes from his peers. While other boys would play basketball and other sports at recess, Jeff would play on the jungle gyms with the girls. Like we did with his two older brothers, we started him in sports such as soccer and baseball, but he would rather participate in drama and other non-sports related activities.
As Jeff grew older his circle of friends was almost exclusively all girls and he would go to school dances and other high school events with groups of girls. People have asked, “When did we notice Jeff was different?” But to us he wasn’t different. This was just the way he was, and we loved him dearly for who he was, as we love our other two sons for who they are.
But Jeff struggled. While coming to grips with who he was, he suffered the emotions, the questioning of self-worth, and the experiences of being bullied that are all-too-commonly experienced in the LGBT community. When he came to us and told us he was gay, my wife Pati and I demonstrated unconditional love, as did his brothers, and Jeff seemed to blossom, though inside the scars were deep.
http://www.advocate.com/commentary/2012/06/07/father-talks-about-fighting-bullying-after-losing-his-son-suicide
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