I have a question for Gay and Lesbian couples..........

[TheDebbieDee]

I'm asking on this board because I don't know anyone or any couple who is OUT for me to ask.

Do both men refer to each other as husband?

And do both women refer to each other as wife?

Or is one member of the partnership a husband and the other a wife? Or does this vary from couple to couple?

I feel silly for asking but I'd like to know. Thanks in advance for the edcuation.

[DonViejo]

1. Husband and husband; wife and wife. nt

[question everything]

11. Why not spouse?

I know many heterosexual couples prefer to use the term spouse. For one thing, especially on a discussion forum like DU, one can express an opinion without necessarily reveal one's gender, if one chooses not to.

[DonViejo]

12. Spouse is fine but, that isn't the question asked in the original OP. n/t

[teenagebambam]

2. Agreed.

Although, my husband and I still tend to default to "partner" (together for 20 years, but only married for 2)

[FreeState]

3. We use partner (male couple) n/t

[Fearless]

4. Though I am not myself yet married

I would agree with husband and husband for myself and a majority of those I know who are married. Some do use partner, but I think to some extent after marriage equality became the law in Massachusetts the use of husband supplanted the use of partner.

[Behind the Aegis]

5. We use partner (male couple, almost 11 years, not married).

[Tien1985]

6. Husband and husband

We've been together for 7 years and are actual going to marry here in Maine soon. But we still say husband. We are 27 and 30--and I do think that might make a difference.

Also, we get kind of annoyed when people we know call one of us "the wife". (Not annoyed that you asked!) just telling you how we see it. Usually when someone says that they are equating some behavior or another as being feminine. A blank stare and silence usually makes them not it off.

[BillStein]

7. I waffle

If I'm talking to friends, or strangers (like salespersons) I usually use "husband". If I'm talking to work associates (like judges or other attorneys) I use "partner".

We live in PA, so no realistic hope of being married anytime soon

[Not Me]

8. Married last year in New York

(but live in Florida).
Referred to each other as 'partner', but we each use husband now

[BeeBee]

9. Same for us.

Before we got legally married, we referred to each other as partner. Now we use husband.

[mitchtv]

10. gay males 36 years

married since '08, I generally use partner. Legally I say spouse. Recently I had to use husband on a dullard. Oh, and he is older even than I and still uses lover, I think he;s sweet.