The Tyranny of Buffness

[xchrom]

http://www.theatlantic.com/sexes/archive/2013/08/the-tyranny-of-buffness/278698/



I didn't know I was skinny-fat until my Russian boyfriend told me so. Actually, I didn't even know that was a thing until he told me so.

I did, however, suspect something was wrong with my body the first night I stayed over his house.

I went to use the bathroom in the middle of the night, and ran into his roommate, Julio. I don't remember what he said, but I remember where he looked. He seemed to direct his entire conversation--and disgust--at my exposed midsection.

Also known as my love handles.

[HillWilliam]

1. I'm feelin' it!

After losing 60 pounds since last year I still have back-fat muffins below my kidneys. AFAIK, there isn't anything for it except to stick to my regime.

Truly, I'm not concerned about being buff at my age. I'm concerned about being healthy. Since last year my BP has dropped 30 points, my body-fat percentage is down 11-12%, my fasting glucose is now right in the middle of normal (after running just over borderline for a few years), and my cholesterol is almost into the normal range without statins. My cardiologist has deemed me to be an ox who's likely to live on a good while longer.

Part of feeling good is self-image. I really don't give a darn if anyone else thinks I look okay or not. I'm not flinching as much in front of a mirror any more and I *FEEL* so much better. More to the point, even though I was otherwise healthy the fat was gonna kill me sooner rather than later.

I'm trying to keep up with my progress by documenting my journey. A lot of y'all saw Rob's and my wedding photos on FB. I was a bigole boy. Here's as far as I've got as of last week.

Bottom line -- do what works for you. Be who you need or want to be. The final judge is your own self. If you're happy, screw what anyone else has to say.

http://www.tumblr.com/blog/farmer-bill

[Bay Boy]

2. Good job!

You look great for your age (whatever that is).

[HillWilliam]

3. Thanks! Having a project to do

keeps my head away from dwelling on the grief. I'd hate to cross the Bridge and find my beloved there with arms crossed, shaking his head, and tapping his foot, saying "love, you could have done better taking care of yourself". If I'm going to please anyone it would be him. HillbillyBob is the only one I care about making proud and I'd hate to let him down.

The big deal is getting my BP, cholesterol, and sugar under control. Anything else is icing. Rob and I adopted a rescue pup (border collie/ACD mix) who was learning to be his new assistant. Sadly, he passed before she could take over from Dora who has long-since retired. She just turned a year old this week (or maybe will the next, I'm not sure). I have to hang around to take care of her and her elder sisters.

I'm a ripe, old 56... or about 1,080-eleven in gay years lol There's a good chance now I'll last long enough to hand her across the Bridge to my beloved when she's ready to go, long years from now. If I had continued on the path I was on, family history of cholesterol and high BP probably would have taken me out a lot sooner. Not good.

It's amazing how we achieve complete invisibility after about age 40. The OP has a point -- we really are tyrannical to one another and that's a shame.

We weren't crafted and placed on earth to try and please everyone else. It's okay (and I'd say desirable) to appreciate the skin you're in however it presents. If you're happy, rain on the detractors.

[Smarmie Doofus]

4. "On my list of things I'll never understand."

Poster-boy looks like Anthony Weiner in his BR mirror. Egads.

Here's how it hits me ( and I understand this is highly subjective): NOT healthy; NOT "natural"; NOT attractive.

I like "average" types. Healthy-looking, but average. Maybe *real* is a better word. So shoot me.

"Your results.... obviously..... may vary."

It's been a long time since I let the "Tyranny" bother me. But I know it's there for a of of people.

[HillWilliam]

5. THAT

I don't get the superficiality. So many gay guys are into putting on an appearance. What's wrong with just being happy and being happy for someone being happy?

"Average" is actually pretty awesome. That can cover a lot of ground with room somewhere in it to find comfort and a positive self-image.

I'll repeat myself: when someone puts gas in my car, pays my light bill or mortgage, puts a mouthful of food on my table, or a thread on my back maybe -- just maybe -- then they'll have room to denigrate my appearance or the way I'm managing my life/self/situation. Until then, they can do them and Ima do me.

Love/respect yourself as you're made. Anything outside that is extraneous commentary.

[William769]

6. Tyranny or self esteem?

In the eye of the beholder.

[HillWilliam]

7. Hmmmm it seems to me that

we are awfully brutal to one another. Unless you're young, buff (or at least reasonably fit), moneyed, blahblahblah, you're invisible. There's a crowd in the gay male community who are very competitive with all the externals. The majority of us can't/won't compete with that.

There's nothing wrong with trying your best, to feel as good as you can inside. We all have different talents, comfort zones, physiques. I can't get with the homogenized, glam'ed up, "put on the dog", bullshit. If you're a big, furry beefcake, well awright! Are you a good human being inside? That, to me, is the thing that shines.

Then again, IRL I'm a total introvert. Crowds terrorize me, even if it's four or five people in a small environment. It's not in me to compete on that level. An evening out of the house and I need to shut down a couple of weeks. All I can do is me. That's the only thing I'd expect out of anyone else is just to be them however they are. Diversity is a pretty nifty thing and the only thing, I think, that will bring us together.

Maybe I'm just rambling but it feels better out than in, heh...

[William769]

8. I'm going to be 50 in December.

David has been gone since 2006 and I have not gone out with another ma since. I stay fit for my self esteem not to impress someone else. Maybe I took the article the wrong way.

[HillWilliam]

9. What I'm discovering about 50s

is I ain't dead yet. No sense in hastening it, either. I had a rough start into this decade but I've made a conscious decision to take care of my health. That does take more work, the older you get. It feels like I'm finally starting to rock with it in my own way. What anyone else thinks really doesn't matter to me. Some of it's self-esteem, some of it is enlightened self-interest/self-preservation.

After Rob had a widow-maker in the driveway and another friend of mine (his same age, 51) just had a triple bypass I figured the ax had swung close e-damn-nough.

Aside from the fact that it's entirely too soon to consider the notion of going out I'm still deeply in love with my husband. It doesn't matter whether he's on earth or not, I gave all my soul one time so, yeah, I hear you. I'm still married. There are no takebacks on soul-swapping.

He left me with a lot of responsibilities: the micro-farm, the furkids, a house that was his dream. It takes a lot to keep up with that. If I had continued to let myself go I'd be letting go of his dreams and his refuge. It's my refuge now and I know without a doubt he expects me to keep up with all of it -- any myself.

Maybe I read the article wrong, but the start of it put me off. We guys are so brutal to one another over appearance and appearances. What's wrong with a little bearpillow or a little muffins if you're otherwise healthy enough to carry it? The one guy seemed to make an effort to make the author feel uncomfortable:

I didn't know I was skinny-fat until my Russian boyfriend told me so. Actually, I didn't even know that was a thing until he told me so.

I did, however, suspect something was wrong with my body the first night I stayed over his house.

I went to use the bathroom in the middle of the night, and ran into his roommate, Julio. I don't remember what he said, but I remember where he looked. He seemed to direct his entire conversation--and disgust--at my exposed midsection.

Also known as my love handles.

Not so much as a "how do you do". That just sounds like bad raisin' to me. A gentleman, a real gentleman, should allow anyone to feel comfortable around him, without effort.

[William769]

10. Yes I do think more guys are brutal again I think it goes back to self esteem

And the way most people our age were raised to think Homosexuality is dirty. Times they are a changing. I guess I really not able to speak on behalf of today's man since I'm yesterdays news. I just didn't like the way the article was written but I'm an old queen, what do I know?

[HillWilliam]

11. I'm older'n you, baby

and I know even less <lol>