What's it Like to be Asexual?

[HillWilliam]

BBC News Article at http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-16552173

Twenty-one-year-old Jenni Goodchild does not experience sexual attraction, but in an increasingly sexualised society what is it like to be asexual?

"For me it basically just means that I don't look at people and think 'hmm yeah I'd have sex with you,' that just doesn't happen," says Jenni.

A student in Oxford, Jenni is one of the estimated 1% of people in the UK who identify themselves as asexual. Asexuality is described as an orientation, unlike celibacy which is a choice.

I agree it's an orientation. The first asexual man I met was back in 1983. He patiently explained about his life and it made sense to me. I've always felt that human sexuality is a fluid spectrum, not a label.

[Scuba]

1. Report: Scientists have identified a drug that completely suppresses sexual urges in women..

... it's called "wedding cake."

[joeybee12]

2. Hee-hee!

[justiceischeap]

7. Got it all wrong...

the woman still has sexual urges, she just doesn't have them for the groom.

[dipsydoodle]

9. Also regarded as being

the world's most expensive food in terms of some ultimate outcomes.

[joeybee12]

3. At my age being asexual would be a blessing!

I just don't have the energy anymore!

[Zenlitened]

4. Good, concise distinction:

Asexuality is described as an orientation, unlike celibacy which is a choice.

[FreeState]

5. I wouldn't call it an orientation

According to the APA:

What is sexual orientation?
Sexual orientation refers to an enduring pattern of emotional, romantic, and/or sexual attractions to men, women, or both sexes. Sexual orientation also refers to a person’s sense of identity based on those attractions, related behaviors, and membership in a community of others who share those attractions. Research over several decades has demonstrated that sexual orientation ranges along a continuum, from exclusive attraction to the other sex to exclusive attraction to the same sex. However, sexual orientation is usually discussed in terms of three categories: heterosexual (having emotional, romantic, or sexual attractions to members of the other sex), gay/lesbian (having emotional, romantic, or sexual attractions to members of one’s own sex), and bisexual (having emotional, romantic, or sexual attractions to both men and women). This range of behaviors and attractions has been described in various cultures and nations throughout the world. Many cultures use identity labels to describe people who express these attractions. In the United States the most frequent labels are lesbians (women attracted to women), gay men (men attracted to men), and bisexual people (men or women attracted to both sexes). However, some people may use different labels or none at all.

To me asexuality is like atheism is to religion - its the absence of it, not a part of it. The lack of attraction is not the same as an attraction.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

6. i think it is more complicated

because it sounds like asexuality is not a choice, unlike atheism (or for that matter theism) which is.

i could see how asexuality could be an orientation

[marginlized]

12. Good comment, but I tend to think it's a continuum ...

like a spectrum, and you can be a little or a lot. But you're right, there are many differences in the details.

[undergroundpanther]

8. I'm Asexual.

because sex is not exciting,it's rather mechanical. I love the affection,tho
I wrote this a few years ago it might help you understand asexuality at least what I feel about it.



I must be really weird..

With all this talk of bi phobia,and whether Bi and trans people should be part of the gay movement... It got me thinking..There are other spectrums that go beyond GBL or T..Like me for instance....

Y'all know I am transgender, A male androgyny.Secondly I consider myself bi because I like people,notice I said people not plumbing.I am feline because I don't identify as human,a fur but not like a fetish kind of furry, it's an identity thing..
And on top of all that..I am asexual. Is there a definition for this? I'd hate to see the Acronym..TMABFFA???

Gender? WTF is that to me? What does gender matter to me? Nuthin. Sexual plumbing? So? Everyone's got something down there of some sort if they didn't how would they pee,that would be a helluva problem...So,sex organs to me are like arms,shoulder blades, toes or noses to me.They are body parts.

They hold no special significance to me.Maybe because I have no sex drive. Never have had one. . I don't understand "fantasy"either,or fetish,or "roles". I can imagine stuff in my mind and it's usually artistic psychedelic stuff.I can take myself on some kick ass head trips.I can make myself hallucinate. People say when I describe my imagination to them it's like they trip without drugs.That always makes me laugh.

Sex and the big hoo hah over it is well.. alien to me. It really holds no special fascination to me. Sometimes people get insulted by this,disbelieve me,or they consider me really messed up or some prude. They don't understand me at all because they can't pigeonhole me...Porn is boring to me,it's got bad acting and it's the same thing over and over. Sex is rather mechanical,boring too.I once as an experiment,tried to imagine what a "sexual fantasy" might be like, and it became some artistic idea in about 3 minutes.When I like someone,it never looks like porn, or sexual stuff like other people have described what their fantasies are like to me....mine always ends up psychedelic art..I have orgasms I am not frigid,I have to pretend my body is different to do it, but it can occur with alot of mental effort on my part,that intense imagination helps but also it kinda renders me less participatory.More detached.Some people get confused by this..To me orgasms are the little seizure like things,just a body function,no more exciting than blowing my nose.

This is because it's always the same thing..do it once, why need I bother with it again? yeah it does release tension in the body. I use it for that. But it's no different than a hot bath or something like that and a hot bath is less work.
It's the same old seizure thing.woo woo. But for me every conversation is different and every adventure is different.
Like I said I am weird.

For me I fall in love the asexual way, with the mind the heart the soul of the person. I get into who they are,and for me their body disappears,and my body dissapears..I get lost in the conversation, creating art,dancing, running around outside,goofing off,adventures,basically playfulness, mutual exploration of each others person hood.

Sex never occurs to me as something to do on my own. I don't initiate it it just never occurs to me to do it because there are so many other things to do that are more fun.It does occur to them tho. So I indulge them with it because It does something for them,it's because I empathize,yet I don't understand it myself..I enjoy the touching the closeness.The intimacy,the silliness .The journey shared.

[joeybee12]

10. Thanks for sharing!

Interesting view.

[marginlized]

11. Asexuality is sort of like a volume on the Kinsey Scale

It doesn't determine who you prefer, it's how strong your urge for sex is. A popular logo intended to illustrate this point is a triangle with color (for sexual attraction) only showing in the lower portion, i.e. like the volume is turned down. It definitely adds a new axis to your idea of the Kinsey scale. But I'm sure it's not the only other possible axis people haven't discussed much yet.

I love asexuality because it shows, fundamentally, that homosexuality is not about sex. Asexuals are still gay, straight, bi, etc. Just without the sex. I know, wrap your head around it. And many romantic asexuals want the same life long, till death do us part, monogamous, relationships just like everyone else, but without the sex.

Asexual Visibility and Education Network
http://www.asexuality.org/en/

Enjoy!

[ChaoticTrilby]

13. I'm asexual too.

Funny thing though...Back when people were debating over whether or not homosexuality was a choice in my debate class, I hadn't yet realized what my orientation (or lack thereof?) was and just assumed that both homosexuality AND heterosexuality were choices. Keep in mind, this was when I was fifteen and a little confused about things. Since I'd never experienced sexual desire myself, I just assumed that everyone was like me but just somehow choosing to be sexual so that reproduction would continue...or something. It was weird.

Now, I understand of course, and have drawn a rough conclusion: people often tend to assume that sexualities differing from theirs must be based on conscious decision, because they simply cannot imagine holding a different sexuality from their own. And there's your explanation for why so many conservatives (and a few independants/center-facing democrats!) just go ahead and slap "It's a choice!" on homosexuality/bisexuality/etc. They just assume that everyone must be secretly like them. Like I used to assume, before I slapped some sense into myself.

Or they just wave a thousand year-old book around and tell people to do what it says, or something. Whatever works for homophobic ammo, I guess.