Then and Now, 21-25: A Transgender Journey

[QueerDuck]

(I'm not crying. You're crying!)

Four years ago I started the journey of becoming who I have always wanted to be. I didn’t know what I was doing back then, so I decided to start journaling. My hope was that in giving voice to my thoughts and hearing myself say things out loud, I would gain perspective on what I was wanting and feeling. I had no idea just how much perspective these journal entries would provide me all these years later.

The records I have of him/me are now finite, and I will never understand that person quite like I did. Knowing what I know now about myself and the world gives me an ability to process my feelings and experiences that he didn’t have. But it’s his truthful and heartfelt naivety that will connect with others that are just as new at this as he was.

I could never understand why I could not escape the desire to be a woman. I berated myself endlessly for wanting something so shameful. I had no way of knowing that this longing wasn’t a fantasy; it was a part of my soul. It was me.

I don’t regret taking as long as I did to come out. It taught me to be strong, and it taught me to stand up with pride. I will always be proud of that boy for how brave he was.

And I plan to make sure no one else suffers like he did.

[Coolgoober]

1. Amazing