I'm done my treatment, and I feel worse than ever.

[Evoman]

I posted quite a long time ago. Over a year ago I was diagnosed with Stage 3 colon cancer. I got my surgery, radiation and chemotherapy. I finished my chemo about 4 months ago and I've been "clear" ever since.

I've been feeling quite sad lately, but things took a turn for the worst last week. I had an appointment with my oncologist about a week ago and, for some stupid reason, asked him how many of my lymph nodes had been infected. Basically, in stage 3 colon cancer, survival rates can be as high as 64 percent in Stage 3A, to as low as 30-some with Stage 3c cancer. Stage 3c is categorized as having more than 4 lymph nodes infected.

I had 23 of 26 lymph nodes they checked infected. I'm stage 3c, and I'm scared as hell. Lately, it seems like the only thing I can do is cry. I'm only 33 for gods sakes, and I feel so down.

I don't know if I'll get a reoccurance, but the chances of it happening seem so high. How do I deal with this? I feel like I should be happy that I'm in the clear, but all I can think about is having to go through this all over again. I had such a rough time, I have no savings....I don't know if I can do it.

Cancer sucks so bad......

[MannyGoldstein]

1. My heart is with you!

What a frustrating and scary situation!

Would it make any sense to talk to a psychologist if you're not doing so already? for example, a close friend of mine is a psychologist who workS with cancer patients. She survived cancer herself, so she knows what it's like.
I believe there mechanisms for people without a lot of money to receive services, I can ask her for suggestions. May I ask what state you're in?

Good luck and hang tough!

[Bertha Venation]

2. Evoman

All I can do is tell you that I'll keep you in my thoughts. I'll return to this group from time to time to see if you've posted any updates.

[sinkingfeeling]

3. You need to locate a cancer support group and go to a meeting. They are all survivors of

cancer or the caretakers. They have been through everything you have and have a depth of knowledge and understanding.

http://www.ccalliance.org/

Or ask your hospital/doctor's office for a local group. If none exists, than use an online one.

I'm a member of SPOHNC and have attended their meetings since before I decided on my treatment for Stage IV tonsil cancer. That was over 3 1/2 years ago and I still go to the monthly meetings to help others.

[HopeHoops]

4. Vibes from me. I don't have cancer, but I could go at any moment - and without warning. I understand

Whatever has the key to life or death for anyone, just remember what you love about life. Think about what you've contributed to make life better for others and try to forget your mistakes. I would however recommend that you see about getting an anti-depressant. I'm on a fairly low dose of mine now, but it really makes a difference and I can tell if I forgot to take it. Please try to keep your thoughts positive. Negative thinking nearly did me in a few times (as in suicide attempts). You're still in the "30-some" range, so just go with being in the 30-some side and not the other. You can make it through this and I trust you will.

[geardaddy]

5. vibes from me.

I don't have cancer, but I have family who has had it. My vibes and thoughts are with you.

[TuxedoKat]

6. I'm so sorry you are dealing with this

I can't imagine what you are going through. I think someone else's suggestion of an antidepressant is a good one. Feeling better will help you with the energy you need to help yourself heal. (((HUGS)))

[shrike]

7. I think what you're feeling is pretty normal

I post on a site called Breastcancer.org, and a lot of the ladies there agree that depression often sets in once treatment's done. We think it's because you're so focused on getting well, fighting the cancer, getting through the side effects. Only when it's over do you really get a chance to process what's happened to you.

As for the news you got regarding the lymph nodes: you're allowed to feel upset, for heaven's sake, it's cancer. I think a support group or psychologist, as mentioned by others on this thread, would be a good idea. Go to your local cancer resource center. There should be services at low-cost or no cost to you.

The human brain does adjust to bad news. You'll get through it, especially with help.

As for the odds for 3C, those numbers don't necessarily apply to you personally. Early-stagers recur, late-stagers live long lives. When it comes to cancer, no one knows for sure. And besides, even if it's a 30 percent survival rate someone's got to be in that 30 percent, right? It might as well be you.

[Arugula Latte]

8. I'm sorry. I didn't know the details about the lymph nodes.

I don't have many words of wisdom. Just know your DU friends have your back.

[Evoman]

10. Oddly enough, even though I haven't met you, you know more about whats going on

that anyone in my family.

I haven't told anybody except my fiancee about this....I don't know if anyone else can quite handle it.

[Evoman]

9. Thanks guys

I do attend a cancer survivor group and I've seen a psychologist a couple of times. I don't think I'm depressed...I've been depressed before and it doesn't feel the same.

I feel a bit better today. I made a decision to try and be a little happier, and though I won't promise not to fall into despair every now and then, I'll try to take things in stride.

[hay rick]

11. More good vibes coming your way.

Your DU community is rooting for you every step of the way.

[KC]

12. I am

so sorry you have to deal with this. Cancer really does suck! Just know that the people in this group are always here to listen and give support sometimes more so than family members! I'm glad you attend meeting and get support there too.
Stay strong and as everyone always says Think positive too. That's not always easy as most of us in here know, but I do believe that it helps!

[Irishonly]

13. I apologize-I just am seeing this

Most of the things I will say have been stated to you. If you have a cancer care center please contact them to see if there are any cancer support groups around. If there are please try going to several. Sometimes the cancer patient can get so caught up in not upsetting family and friends they don't realize how much harm the stress of knowing there is cancer is doing to them. People in a support group know what you are feeling. As much as you loved, your family and friends can't relate to all the emotions and illnesses you are feeling and you wouldn't want them too.

My right breast was a tumor and I had yearly mammograms. I wasn't supposed to survive but I did. Never let the numbers scare you. Tell the numbers to eat shit and die. I was always told a stage is just a number and numbers should never be allowed to control you. I am 13 years cancer free.

If you think you need to see a psychologist just make sure you see one that you feel comfortable with. I hope health care gets easier to obtain and much cheaper. We all must continue to work toward that goal.

Please keep checking in. There are many wise, caring people. Remember to breathe. When I light my candles I will think of you.

[jumptheshadow]

14. Evoman...

Last edited Sun Oct 28, 2012, 12:41 PM - Edit history (2)

...Even the strongest treatments, the ones that kick you in the guts both physically and emotionally, have windows of time when you can fortify yourself. We began to look for those opportunities to build her up again. Sometimes it started with just one hard-boiled egg -- enough protein to make her regain her strength both physically and emotionally -- then we would build up the protein in her diet. The resulting strength, in turn, enabled her to communicate with distant relatives by Skype. We would keep the topics light. (She is a natural comedian.) After an hour of sharing childhood reminiscences and jokes with relatives, she would sleep more easily and feel much better.

She did opt to go on anti-anxiety medication. It has helped a lot and, after she settled in with it, I started to see her old personality again. When my brother was diagnosed with Stage 4 squamous cell cancer, he started Skyping my partner. On good days, they find companionship in a shared experience. Recently, he was hospitalized with an infection and blood clot related to his chemo port. After two weeks, he came out of the hospital looking skeletal and defeated. He started to build his protein intake -- it was hard for him to even smell food at first -- and now he is asking for seconds and thirds of Mom's home-cooked meals. His emotional outlook is vastly better this week. Physical and emotional strength seem to be deeply intertwined.

It helped a lot that we told relatives and friends that humor would be one of the best healers for us. It was more difficult than we anticipated for us to establish this policy, but now everybody goes along with it. That precedent helped when my brother was diagnosed. Skype is your friend, too, and enables you to conduct "living room" conversations with family and friends who can boost your spirits.